


All Theory

by Recluse



Series: Abstraction [1]
Category: Free!
Genre: Chaptered, Developing Relationship, Gen, M/M, started before s2 was announced, thousands of words of awkward
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-19
Updated: 2014-07-15
Packaged: 2018-01-05 03:42:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 46,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1089207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Recluse/pseuds/Recluse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He's not so familiar with the beauty in chaos, no. </p><p>The beauty in things that are set, patterns, shapes, tessellation, that's what he has always been familiar with. Those are the things he understands the beauty of easily.</p><p>When it comes to chaos though, Rei has just barely scratched the surface of understanding why people run through rainstorms and chase tornadoes. Yet he finds himself searching for the answers, digging through his heart. </p><p>(Chaotic people, after all, can be the most beautiful.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Friendship is not something that's easy to comprehend, to breakdown into formulas and numbers and chemicals. Rei knows the formula for happiness in theory, C-ten, H-twelve, N-two, and one O, serotonin and, of course, endorphin(which is much too complex to explain in a formula). He knows the way the body works, how chemicals rise to the occasion, what foods bring out the positives and the negatives, how it all works out, the way they spread throughout the body and fade. Those things are simple to understand, they're clear and, without fail, they will occur, unless there's an outside anomaly to be accounted for. And even then, there are formulas for anomalies, ways to bring them into the formula in a quick two, three steps. Maybe a few more than that, but they're accountable for, is the idea, they don't blur around the edges like other things do.

Friendship, for instance, contains a certain blurry quality to it that leads him to be unsure, what boundaries he can pass, what boundaries he should leave untouched, how far he can go with questions and what things he doesn't have to answer. He only knows how to brush people away, to keep them at arm's length, keeping them close enough to be helpful and far away enough so that he doesn't get hurt when they think he's strange, when the see what he's really like and pull away.

He's always been a little strange, he supposes. But he'd never change himself just because of a stranger's opinion, anyone's really, that had never even crossed his mind, to change for anyone. He had never planned to change, had planned on going through his life with formulas and numbers and things that were certain on his side, things that were beautiful, but that was before Nagisa had barreled his way in and added an element of, Rei half-smiles and half-sighs, surprise into his life.

Nagisa is the least controlled person he's ever met, though he can't say he's met very many people. Still, Nagisa is an ever-changing, always moving element, one that opened up a whole new world of possibilities and fears and frustrations and rewards that Rei would have never known otherwise. It is beautiful, in a rather wild way, the way others find nature, in all its uncertainty, captivating. He understands that, after meeting Nagisa and Gou and then Makoto and Haruka and even Rin, after meeting them all, he thinks understands what the beauty is in a little chaos.

(At least, he understands a little. Not a lot, but enough for him to care for his friends, for these people who gave him so much that he hadn't known of.)

Which is why, Rei reasons late at night, quieting the back of his mind that runs formulas and the homework for next week, and how he really needs to work on his stroke, which is why he accepts that his feelings of friendship for Nagisa would grow. To a point where things are blurry again, and he's not sure of anything, how Nagisa's bright laughter is no longer annoying or tiring or even acceptable but something he looks forward to, everyday, all the time.

He does not tell anyone, at first. He researches. He goes through a short crisis, wondering if this is a one time thing or not, researching the different types of sexuality and romance until his eyes are rolling around his head, he works with whatever information he has, going over it again and again and again until it's memorized, like a formula for feeling, for what he could be, the possibilities. All the solutions, he remembers, like they are the answers to the questions of his heart. The way Nagisa makes him feel so happy, even though he's exasperating too, the bright universe he is, to be seen and admired, he understands that's love, the pure sort.

He wonders how his parents would react, but his parents have always cared more for his grades than his personal life, and he's silently thankful for that now. They don't have to know, and he doesn't have to worry, he's the second son, after all, the responsibility of carrying on the family name is passed onto his brother. He'll never say anything, not if he can help it. And he can, because they've never asked about his friends, just his scores and his health. They mean well, but they're often busy on their own, too busy to keep up with him and his brother, and Rei is glad for that, in a way, he's always been free to be as he pleases, his world full of formulas and logic and now full of formulas and logic and friends.

Rei does not like to sit and wait, to be uncertain, and so he calculates his chances. He goes through the numbers, crunching them when he can't sleep, trying to formulate how to tell and when to tell and how Nagisa will react, his chances of success, his chances of failure. He goes through every scenario carefully, searching for what's right to say, what's wrong, putting it all together. He spends weeks writing down numbers that he's invented, drawn from his mental analysis, the research he's done from dubious sources(teen romance magazines are informative, though not intellectual, but there's nothing else he can use), he organizes it all in his head, hiding his writings in book bindings and shredding them if they're too far fetched.

He calculates if Nagisa will like him back, if Nagisa will run away, if he'll lose it all or win a little or lose a little or win a lot. He does not consider not telling him, even when he finds his calculations low, because second guessing has never been his style, he'll go all the way or not bother at all, what's the point, after all, in guessing when you could find the answer?

So he gets his numbers and finds himself a little upset that they're lower than he'd wish, but he'll take what he can get. With a calculated success rate of sixty percent exactly(give or take three percent, there's always margin of error), he stops Nagisa before they go to swim practice in the quiet, not crowded staircase that they take, since it's easiest and Nagisa has an unspoken contest with Haruka to get to the pool first, and he stops walking, clearing his throat.

He's very stiff. He's done this one thousand times in his head, with every result possible, but here in the open, with no one around, Nagisa giving him a curious glance, it's so much harder. Sixty percent is higher than fifty, and it's the best he can think of, the best results he'll get by numbers, and he has to try.

He pauses for so long Nagisa asks him if something is wrong, if he feels sick, and Rei shakes his head.

"Nagisa-kun, we're friends, right?"

"Of course Rei-chan!"

"And," Rei hesitates, trying to find a bearing, something to contain the crumbling of his insides, the fear, "We...Will stay friends."

"No matter what!" With a dramatic gesture, head towards the sky, Nagisa grins at him before sobering up a little. "But what's the matter Rei-chan? Why are you asking that?"

"I. I," The ground is geometric, stone patterns across the way, and Rei wonders if he should say this after all, suddenly finds it all daunting, "I think I may like you as...More than a friend, Nagisa-kun."

There's silence for a beat, and then a deep breath from Nagisa, calm but tense, and Rei can already feel the end coming when Nagisa steps forward. His voice is soft, apologetic in a way that makes Rei want to sink into the floor, pretend that he never took a sixty percent chance because he knows that's just too little to pass.

 _It's not even passing,_ he thinks, calculations and formulas running through the back of his mind, trying to keep him calm. He can't take it back now, not after such a silence, and he prepares himself for the inevitable end of a friendship, end of all his friendships, because that's what Nagisa had given him and that's what he can take back, Rei knows.

"Rei," Nagisa says, and Rei keeps staring at the ground, following the scattered cracks in the stone, the faded color, "you're a very good friend to me."

"I know." His voice cracks a little, and he does his best to make sure it doesn't again. "I'm sorry. This must be unpleasant to hear. I'm sorry for saying anything."

This is not beautiful in the slightest, the crushing feeling in his heart that he hasn't felt since he got one point less then the top score, even after studying for hours and hours. It's worse, a coil constricting his heart until it bursts into nothing, only to piece itself back together and break again. He's crumbling.

"No, no Rei-chan, don't say that." Nagisa says, still soft. "You're my friend. My best friend, Rei-chan. We'll always be friends, I promise I don't think anything bad about you." Nagisa pauses, and for once seems to show a little tact. He doesn't reach out to Rei, instead quietly murmuring, "I think you've a good person, Rei-chan, even if you're a little strange, and it's nice to know you that you think about me! But I'm--"

He doesn't want to hear anything, cuts him off before he can continue with whatever he was going to say. "I. I understand."

He stares harder at the ground, trying to keep himself together as his formulas began to blur, number after number after letter after symbol. He can't think anymore, can't keep himself in order.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm the one who's sorry." Nagisa says, and he sounds sincere as he can be. "I'm really, really sorry, Rei."

He has always underestimated Nagisa's sense for tact, because the silence that follows is better than anything Nagisa could possibly say to him. Rei swallows down the lump in his throat and manages a weak smile, looking up, not quite at Nagisa but close enough.

"Thank you for listening, Nagisa-kun."

"It's no problem." Nagisa gives him an encouraging smile that sends a unpleasant jab down into his stomach, that pity that lies under it all, Rei thinks, even though Nagisa doesn't mean to hurt him like that. "I am sorry. Really."

He adjusts his glasses, tightens his grip on his backpack before turning to go out the side door, away from the pool. "I think I'll go home, if you don't mind telling the others."

"Ah, but today--" He pauses to think, then shakes his head instead of saying whatever he was planning. "Okay, Rei-chan. I'll tell everyone you won't be coming."

"Thank you." And with that, he moves his legs through the doorways, down and out towards the school gates, walking, not knowing where until he reaches the train station.

The next train isn't for twenty minutes. He checks the timetables, then his watch, feeling rather...Mechanical. The crushing feeling has stopped, but instead there's the feeling of a dull numbness, of nothing really, that floods him. It almost feels familiar, like how he was before joining the swim team, and he tries to shake it off.

 _You saw this as a possibility,_ he reminds himself. _This was a better ending then some of the ones you imagined._

Nagisa still wants to be his friend, which is something he's thankful for. He doesn't think he'll tell the rest of the team, which is a relief in its own way.

Then again, Nagisa could tell the rest of the team, and all Rei can think of is them turning away from him, Haruka's cold stare and Makoto not being able to look his way. Gou giving him a look of distaste, as if he was something decidedly not beautiful, flipping her head in that dismissive way. A cold feeling washes over him, and he nearly pukes at the idea of losing all of them at once, because of this, because of the way he is--

\-- _They won't do that._ He reprimands himself. They're better people than that, he knows because they make room for his odd nature and his strange obsessions and they are better than that. Rei knows this, even if he can't feel anything but afraid, Rei reminds himself of what they're like, one by one.

Even if he's uncomfortable, there's no way Makoto would ever turn away. Haruka has probably never cared about anyone's romantic life, he just doesn't seem the type, Rei reasons, too focused on water. Gou would wrinkle her nose, maybe she'd be a little off put, but that'd be the end of it, the team, after all, is her main concern. What would matter would be if he could maintain a good atmosphere through it all, the moments of awkward that would follow.

He's never been good at that either though. He holds his head in his hands and tries desperately to find some semblance of normalcy, muttering the periodic table until the train comes.

It's quiet, without Nagisa there, arguing with Gou. Familiar, in a way that makes his heart clench. Like when he hadn't been friends with them.

He opens the door to his house and his room and is struck by the realization that he doesn't know what he'll do with the extra time he has. Studying would be a good idea, and he means to sit down at his desk and do just that, but when he sees the book on his desk, that puking feeling comes back.

It's one about swimming, the butterfly stroke in particular, and inside it is a printed sheet of tips for confessions, being used as a partial bookmark. He makes a turn and goes into the kitchen instead, pulls tea out of the fridge, quietly muttering mathematical functions. He can't quite bring himself to go back into his room, not with that on his desk, so instead he leans on the counter and goes over how to perfect his stroke, mentally going over the motions, perfecting angles and remembering to add in water resistance, fatigue.

His pocket vibrates, and he pulls out his phone after taking another sip, trying not to hyperventilate at the rush of thoughts that it'll be a dismissal from the team, a rejection from all of them, something terrible--

"Rin-san...?" He blinks, looking at the screen. It flashes brightly at him,

_New Message!_  
 _From: Rin Matsuoka(RinRin!)_

The 'RinRin' part must have been Nagisa at some point, Rei laughs a little even though his heart hurts. He opens the message up.

_Where the hell were you? Scared to show me your butterfly?_

Aggressive as always, Rei rolls his eyes with a little sigh before fully comprehending the message. Startled, he looks at the time.

_I've been standing here for this long?! And why would Rin-san text me about...Oh!_

He slaps a hand onto his forehead. Joint practice was today. That's what Nagisa-kun had been trying to say, but hadn't. Joint practice was only once or twice a week, and he'd missed it for this week.

_And I had promised Rin-san to a race, to prove how far he'd come since the last time. And to return his book._

The book that's sitting on the desk right now. The edge of his smile disappears.

 _I...Have to return that._ He gathers himself. _I should return that. After taking out the paper._

One last sip and he walks into his room, grabbing the sheet and crumpling it up before throwing it in the trash. The book he gently places inside his bag, careful with the corners. It had been helpful, with a few tips about swimming he hadn't read before, a few technicalities specific to butterfly that, now that he'd read them, he would certainly be able to apply and fix accordingly.

 _Very useful. Probably missed._  It's not too late in the day for him to take the train back and forth to Samezuka either, and his parents will be out late either way.

The sense of purpose, as small as it is, improves his mood. He wonders if he should change out of his uniform, if it'd be more appropriate to visit Rin without a rival school's uniform on, but it's too much trouble in the end. He only changes his pants, the track pants that are easy to run in, because running will make him feel better, he knows it.

 _It'll be good training as well._ He runs to the station, sun beginning to set as he gets on. Samezuka is about as far as Iwatobi, just in a slightly different direction.

The train almost lulls him to sleep, but before he nods off, he's at his stop, and he runs the rest of the way towards Samezuka at a steady pace. It's been a while since he's ran such a distance, and he's a little worse for wear, his legs are tired, even if he can breathe fine. The ache is comforting, and he misses pole-vaulting for a moment before it passes and he walks to the dorms, asking for Matsuoka Rin's room.

His roommate answers the door, the bright-eyed, cheerful swimmer who can swim lap after lap with ease, though, if Rei remembers correctly, he's not the fastest. _His name...Nito-something. Nito...Nitori Ai..?_

"Who is it-- Ryuugazaki-san? What are you doing here?"

"What--" Rei sees Rin appear behind Nitori, a little grin playing on his mouth, though it's slight. "Speedo Megane is here?"

"Rin-chan-san." Rei says, adjusting his glasses and covering the tiny smirk that comes up at Rin's expression.

Rin concedes with a scowl, muttering, "What do you want?"

 _I won that round._ "Your book." He pulls it out of his bag. "Since I said I would return it today, but didn't go to practice, I saw it fit to come here and return it to you."

"Why weren't you at practice anyways?"

Rei pauses, and in the back of his mind, the scene plays over. He doesn't want to think about it. "I felt tired after studying too much last night."

"Really." He doesn't buy it. Rei's never been good at lying, and he knows that he's never been good at it, but still, he tries.

Rei clears his throat. "Yes. I have an exam coming up, so I studied last night, but a bit too long. I'll be leaving now." He hands the book over to Rin, who takes it over Nitori's shoulder. Rei feels a little bad that he's been sandwiched between Rin and himself, forced to listen to their conversation. "Thank you for the book."

"Hold on." Rei stops his step. "I'll walk with you to the station."

"Senpai, it's getting dark...!"

"It'll be fine." Rin waves Nitori off, turning back into the room and dropping the book on his desk. "Don't worry."

"Rin-san, you really don't have to do that." Rei shifts his glasses a bit. Nitori looks worried, and Rei doesn't want him to be nervous about Rin's well-being because of him. "I'm quite capable on my own."

"I need to go out for a run anyways." Rin answers, and he sounds a little more forceful this time. Both Nitori and Rei exchange a look, and Nitori nods a little, mouthing, 'he's going to do it no matter what', and Rei understands, and then Rin pushes his way out the door and looks at Rei expectantly.

"Well?"

"Thank you," Rei mutters, "I guess?"

Rin doesn't answer, just walks down the hall, and Rei follows. Nitori calls out, "Be careful!"

Rin only waves. Rei turns and nods once more before hurrying to catch up, lest Rin say that it's his fault he's out so late and not because he had pushed until he'd gotten his way.

Rei scowls a little. _Rin-san may push his way into a lot of things, but I will not be shoved around more than necessary!_

(He's said the exact same thing about Nagisa, about Haruka even. He tends to lose those battles.

He doesn't want to think about Nagisa, or the rest of the club right now, he buries those thoughts away.)

Once they're outside, Rin grins a little grin at him, and Rei feels a shiver. _His teeth are much too sharp for a normal persons'...! I wonder if there's some genetic reason for it? Or maybe..._

"Rei," Rin says, successfully breaking Rei's thoughts on genetics and their deviations, "Wanna race? You owe me one."

"Running? You?" Rei laughs, a little haughty on purpose. "I was a former track athlete, Rin-san."

"If you're as good of an athlete at running as you are swimming, I shouldn't have a problem beating you." There's a competitive glint to his eye that makes Rei think of how Rin is with Haruka. "Scared?"

"That's rude." Rei adjusts his glasses a bit and makes sure his backpack is on in a way where it won't fall down at an unfortunate time. "If you insist on being beaten by me, I won't complain."

"You're pretty cocky about this, aren't you? Well fine. We'll see how you act after I beat you." Rin starts counting down.

"3, 2, 1!"

And Rei starts running.

Rin manages to keep up next to him for the first few minutes, but Rei knows where his strengths lie, even though he hasn't ran this hard in a long time.

He calculates wind resistance, there isn't much, the stretch of his legs, whether he should lift his foot an inch more or not, the angle and degree his toes should hit the ground. When he should push himself harder and when he should relax.

There's nothing quite like the easy feeling of running, something he can lose himself in and still manage to calculate at the same time, the feeling of certainty that the ground will be there and the solid step after step, the burn that reminds him he's moving along, he's above his competition.

Rin, he keeps in mind, is still fairly close, which surprises him a bit.

_Does he run as well? But land training isn't very necessary for swimming, though I suppose it's not a bad thing..._

He keeps running, and Rin is left behind in his thoughts. Once he reaches the station he checks his watch, leaning against a pole, breathing heavily.

 _Sixteen minutes...Not my best._ Rei frowns. It had taken him thirty minutes of leisurely running to reach Samezuka, and so running as hard as he had been, it should have taken half or less the time. He's out of shape, it looks like. It's to be expected, having taken up swimming instead of just running, but still, it's a little bothersome to realize. He leans against the pole, waiting for Rin.

Seven minutes pass, and Rei wonders if Rin gave up, though he finds it unlikely. He had been running hard, and he had managed to create a wide margin between them, but Rin usually won't give up until he's won, that Rei already knows through his battles with Haruka.

Something nearly crashes against the pole, and Rei looks up from his watch, startled. Rin is panting, near gasping for breath before composing himself at the sight of Rei's raised eyebrow.

"You...Weren't fucking joking about the track thing." He leans coolly against the metal, though Rei privately thinks the effect is lost because he's breathing so jerkily even as he speaks, trying to catch his breath.

"Of course not." Rei smiles, trying and failing to not be smug. "I've won awards, you know."

Rin rolls his eyes and snarls a little, but it's not a scary one, more sarcastic than anything. "So have I."

"For track?"

"Once, in third grade."

Rei laughs. It stumbles out of his mouth, a surprised, amused laugh that feels good, very good after all of today.

Rin looks at him, and Rei turns his head a little, quickly adjusting his glasses, embarrassed, though he can't place why.

"...Hey." Rin says, and he seems to have caught his breath. Rei looks at him, though Rin doesn't look back. He's staring off into space, it looks like, and Rei begins to wonder if he just imagined Rin speaking to him just as Rin says,

"...Are you okay?"

Rei blinks. He opens his mouth to speak, but Rin hurries on, embarrassed by the sound of it, he starts to ramble.

"Don't get me wrong, this is swimming related, since you can't swim if you don't practice and your butterfly is still awful--"

"I did manage to catch up to you once!"

"Because I was going easy on you and had just raced Haru." Rin scoffs, but he continues, "And anyways, I mean, you...Didn't seem okay when I asked about practice. And...And who even comes over just to drop off a book? It's not like I'm the library, I won't chase you down if you give it back a day later or whatever. I mean, it's just...It's weird, you know? Who does that, normally?" He sighs, running a hand through his hair, seeming frustrated. Rei looks at him in bewilderment.

"Rin-san, you..." He pauses, not entirely sure, "If I am understanding this correctly, you're...Worried about me?"

Rin is silent for so long that Rei nearly apologizes for guessing wrong, but then Rin says, very quiet,

"...Kind of, I guess."

His ears are red. Rei tries not to laugh and fails, coughing into his fist the best he can to cover it. Rin's ears turn bright red at the sound.

"Couldn't you have said that from the beginning instead of insulting my swimming abilities?" Rei asks, laughing.

Rin doesn't answer, just glares at him. "Shut up."

"I'm..." Rei mulls over his options. _If Rin-san knows, there's a high chance he'll be repulsed, given his personality...Then again, he's been in a foreign country, so maybe he's more accustomed to the idea? If he knows, he'll probably keep it to himself. The rest of the team will find out eventually, it's highly unlikely that such a thing will be a secret forever, especially with Nagisa-kun, but..._

"Oi, Rei, Speedo Megane!" Rin snaps, and Rei jumps out his thoughts and nearly out of his skin. "You gonna tell me what was wrong with you or not? It's getting dark."

"Do you really want to know?" Rei asks, a little unsure. Rin rolls his eyes.

"I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to know, geesh."

Rin is sort of like a very good acquaintance, Rei finds himself thinking. There's a level of comfortable that he has with him, but he's at a distance at the same time, and that puts him a bit more at ease, even though he feels a little bad about it. Rin walking away from him, telling him he's strange, it won't hurt him like it would if it was the Iwatobi swim team. Rin walking away will be painful, but not crushing.

(And a part of him really wants someone to know. Just so he doesn't feel as alone as he did on the train, that mechanical, empty feeling.)

"Rin-san, swear you'll keep this to yourself." Rei says, trying to keep his confidence together.

"I swear." Rin says dryly, but he's interested, Rei knows. He's looking at him, for one thing, which makes Rei nervous, and he turns his head now, fiddling with his glasses once more.

"I..." He takes a deep breath, allows formulas and chemicals to run through his head and calm him down, "I confessed to Nagisa-kun, in a...Romantic manner, and was..." He pauses. "It...Didn't go very well."

The word he meant to say, rejected, gets caught somewhere in his throat. It hurts, it hurts more than when it was happening and before he knows it there are tears pooling and threatening to spill from his eyes, and he closes them tight and breathes sharply, his hand curling into a fist.

Rin doesn't say anything for a little while. Rei holds back the tears and tries to breathe properly, control himself.

"...That's." Rin scratches the back of his head. "I'm sorry."

"There's no reason for you to be sorry." Rei carefully rubs his eyes, trying to make it look like he's fixing his glasses. "I'm sorry I happen to be an anomaly."

"That, you aren't that." Rin frowns. "Don't call yourself something so shitty sounding."

"It's simply the truth." Rei answers, but he bites back tears again, because Rin is being nice, and it's not what he was expecting. "I have no qualms about admitting the truth."

"No, it's..." Rin sighs, and Rei feels worse for a moment until he starts to speak. "You're...Speedo Megane."

"Excuse me?" Rei can't help but feel affronted, sniffs a bit.

"I mean," Rin waves his hand around, trying to gesture what he says in a way that Rei will understand, but doesn't. "I mean, you're just. A weird guy who likes to talk about things being beautiful, and theories and formulas and school. A guy who goes up to a stranger and gets mad at them without explaining anything."

"That's..."

"Let me finish," Rin says, and Rei complies. "You're just...You're just you. It's better to think of yourself that way. Not as an anomaly or whatever."

In a way, Rei feels touched by his words. Rin seems to be trying hard to find something right to say, mumbling here and there, stringing together what he means in a way that's so earnest that Rei can't help but laugh and sniffle at the same time, and the tears start falling despite himself. Rin jumps, looks panicked.

"Shit, shit." He glances around, but there's not much at this end of the station, "Uh. Hold on."

Rei tries to put himself back together, but crying feels...Nice, so he pulls a couple of tissues out of his backpack and starts to blow his nose, but he lets himself cry all the same. He folds his glasses and puts them in his pocket, hoping that no stray tears hit them.

He hasn't cried since he was a little kid. The feeling is both strange and relieving, even though he's embarrassed to do so at a public place.

A can is held out in front of him, nearly thrust into his face. It radiates a warmth, and Rei grabs it from Rin, who has his own can in hand.

"Hopefully you like this, I had no idea what flavor to get."

Rei takes a look. "Tea...?"

"You'd complain about calories or something if it was coffee or soda, right?"

"Too much caffeine is," He laughs, though it shakes its way out, "not a good thing to have at night, yes. It's surprising you remembered."

"You never shut up about it when we all go out to eat." Rin blows on his tea before taking a sip. "Calories and all that. Yeah, care about what you're eating, but relax every once and a while, geesh."

"Sorry."

"No, don't apologize, shit." Rin runs a hand through his hair. "Ignore that."

"Thank you." Rei says instead, because Rin looks incredibly uncomfortable, and now he feels bad for dumping this all on him. _I'm usually more capable than this..._ He holds the can of tea tight. "I won't bother you again with this."

"Hey, I'm not. Look, I mean," He blows out a frustrated sigh, and Rei takes a sip. "I don't care who you like, okay? Don't think I'm going to be an asshole to you just because of that."

Rei nods, and his tears have stopped for the most part. He wipes his nose.

"And if you need-- wait, do the rest of them know? Have you told them?"

"I haven't. Nagisa-kun didn't mention it?"

"Not a word. Just said you weren't feeling good and went home." Rin frowns. "Are you going to tell them? I would have thought you'd tell them first."

"I'm a little scared of their reactions." Rei admits, looking down. "I don't know what to expect, if I told them. I'd rather not."

Rin sighs. "I can't blame you, I guess." He leans against the pole again. "It's not like you need to tell them. But what do you think is gonna happen? Makoto's a big softball, couldn't be mean to you if he really wanted to, and Haru's an idiot, the guy probably won't even bat an eye, and Nagisa...I mean, he probably told you that you were gonna be friends, right?"

"That's...Accurate, yes."

"And my sister, Gou, she's not the type to change her opinion on something because of something like that." Rei nods. Even though he'd already thought of all that, it's reassuring to hear from someone else as well, relieves him a little of his worry.

"And I already said I don't care, so stop crying." Rin turns his head and coughs mumbling, "You're always talking about being reasonable, so own up to it."

There's an incredible quality Rin has, Rei thinks. He makes Rei mad about the little things, his accusation that he's not really reasonable and yet, his worries about the future of his friendships seem to dissipate out and off into the wind.

"I stopped." He wipes his eyes and puts his glasses back on. "I'm extremely sorry you had to see that."

"So am I." Rin mutters, and Rei nearly flares up until he sees the way Rin scratches the back of his neck, looking awkward. He's sorry, though not very clearly.

"Well, I certainly know now not to go to you for things like this." He says, and Rin looks extremely insulted until he sees Rei's face, the small smile that wipes the anger off and leaves him with a half scowl.

"You owe me for that." Rin points towards the drink. "And now it's late. Nitori is going to think I died."

"You were the one who wanted a race."

"You were the one who needed the race."

"I had no such..." Rei sighs, allowing defeat this one time, because it really did help and he feels a lot better, like he can actually go to swim practice tomorrow and do his best instead of skipping. "Fine. I'll repay you soon."

Rin nods. Rei looks at his watch. It's not so late that he's worried, but he had planned to study a little, and he still needs to eat dinner as well.

"I'll take my leave then."

"Bye." Rin says turning to run back towards Samezuka, and Rei turns as well, towards the inside of the train station.

"Rin-san," He doesn't face him, but he hears the light thwack against the pavement that means Rin has stopped. "Thank you."

There's silence, and then the sound of footsteps getting further and further, and Rei smiles a little, uncertain smile.

The train ride back home, he holds the cooled can in his hands and takes a sip every now and then. It's near the end of summer, soon to be fall, and the tea tastes better cold, with the slight humidity in the air.

He flips open his phone and has notifications.

_New Messages!_  
 _From: Makoto Tachibana_

_Rei, are you okay? If you're sick, let us know! I'll see you tomorrow, have a good rest today._

_Haru says to soak in the tub, but I think that's something that only works for him...Either way, rest well!_

_From: Gou(Kou) Matsuoka_

_Rei, get better soon! We've got a competition coming up and you have to be in the best shape possible!_

_Nii-san asked about you, he really wanted to practice with you! Rest and recover for tomorrow, okay? You're doing extra laps to make up for this!_

Rei chuckles, closing his phone with a small click.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh man how did I end up here  
> I started shipping this and then all of a sudden got a heavy dose of 'I love this ship' out of nowhere so. now here we are. there's not nearly enough fanmade media for this ship and I am out to fix that
> 
> Frankly I don't really know how rin and rei interact(it's not like there's much to go on, canon wise besides them fighting), so I'm just going to hope I'm able to keep the characters true. 
> 
> Most chapters won't be this long, and the rating may change later.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If you don't know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else."

The next day is surprisingly...Not awkward at all. Rei had assumed that it would be hard for Nagisa and hard for him to be at ease, but Nagisa only pauses for half a second before waving cheerfully at Rei on the train, chatting a mile a minute(more like half a mile per minute, a mile per minute is too fast for any human mouth, even Nagisa), then following his running route to school without trouble. He's both reassured and confused.

"Nagisa-kun..."

"Hm? What is it Rei-chan?"

"Uhm." Rei shifts his weight from one leg to another as they stand outside the school gates waiting for Haruka and Makoto. "Is this really all right? I- I would understand if you were more cautious..." 

Nagisa starts to frown. "Rei-chan, I told you already, we're going to stay friends." He waggles a finger in front of him. "And I meant it! I mean, it's true that I feel a little awkward, but, Rei-chan is Rei-chan."

Rei thinks of Rin, who had said the same thing, though not as easily. Nagisa's straightforward way makes him happy to hear, and there's a little bubble of warmth before the unfortunate coldness, remembering how yesterday felt, the fears. _  
_

"But..."

"It's fine, it's fine." Nagisa waves his hand back and forth, trying to dismiss the darkening atmosphere around Rei. "Didn't I already tell you? Ah," He taps a finger to his chin as if he's thinking hard, "I won't tell Haru-chan or Mako-chan or Gou-chan unless you say it's okay, so don't worry about that. It'll be me and Rei-chan's secret!" He pauses, then scratches the back of his head awkwardly, a little, uncertain grin on his face. Rei has just barely grasped what he's said when he continues on, leaning close, whispering,

"Though, are you sure _you're_ okay, Rei-chan?"

"Eh?" Rei draws back a little, both embarrassed by the proximity and the question. "What...Of course I am!"

Well, for the most part, he thinks he is, or at least, he will be. Nagisa makes things so easy on him, he doesn't change no matter what the circumstances, Rei's heart swells a little with thanks, at least he still has his friendship.

"Well, just tell me if I do something that makes it hard for you." He whispers, and Rei blinks, surprised. "I'll try my best to help you get over someone as amazing as me!"

Rei's not sure whether that last line was tactful or tactless, but he smiles anyways, because it's just like Nagisa.

"Thank you, Nagisa-kun." He adjusts his glasses. "I'll be sure to tell you so."

(Actually, he probably won't, but the fact that Nagisa insists it's okay makes Rei certain that everything will be all right. The fact that he offered his support is more than enough.)

"Rei-chan, when are you going to stop adding the -kun!" He whines, and that's when Makoto and Haruka arrive, the former with a wave and a smile and the latter with a slight wave and a nod. Nagisa turns to them immediately.

"Rei-chan and I are in the same year and friends, so why won't he call me Nagisa already! Mako-chan, Haru-chan..."

"Because you add on the -chan, he can add the -kun, don't you think, Nagisa?" Makoto smiles at him, but Nagisa seems dissatisfied with that answer, rubbing his head against Haruka's arm. Makoto moves towards Rei, leaving Haruka to deal with Nagisa's complaints.

"Rei, are you all right? It's a surprise for you to miss practice."

"Yes, I'm fine now." He gives him a reassuring smile. "Thank you for the message."

"No, it's good to know that you're all right."

Makoto gives him a warm look, and then the bell rings and they go their seperate ways. Rei thinks that Makoto probably worried about him, suddenly feeling bad that he didn't send him a follow up, a simple, "I'm sorry, I was tired", but the time for that has passed, and he can only remember to do so if there's a next time. 

Which there won't be, not unless he's deathly ill. Skipping practice would be unacceptable, after all, he does need to practice his butterfly.

He pays attention in class and begrudgingly allows Nagisa to copy his homework after fifteen minutes of his incessant nagging and prodding, and while there's a little pain etching through him when Nagisa gets close, he finds that he doesn't ache, not like he thought he would.

His thoughts drift to the train station, his embarrassing crying, Rin's awkward but earnest attempt at cheering him up, and then this morning, Nagisa's understanding, and he thinks that's why this, Nagisa being like usual, doesn't hurt very much.

Rin had, in honesty, helped quite a bit. Letting loose his emotions isn't something he's one hundred percent accustomed to, not that Rin knows that, but his acceptance of it all had been reassuring, to say the least. It had meant...A lot, in a way, for Rin to accept him so easily, his sudden emotional display. With his prickly nature, Rei had been sure that he'd say something harsh, but...He'd been wrong, for once.

 _Although, Rin-san likes dramatics_. Rei thinks of before the tournament, with Rin standing there, his words weighing him down, weighing Rei down, _pushy_ , Rei had thought, but at the same time, he had understood everything he'd been trying to say. He hadn't been cruel, he'd just been pushy, a little demanding.

Rin simply had a way of doing things that made everything more dramatic than necessary, usually, maybe that habit had gotten him accustomed to others being dramatic as well. Rei doesn't get much more time to dwell on it before it's time for practice.

Gou does exactly what she had said and forces him to do an extra three sets of laps, and there's a burning feeling in his whole body by the time he's done, he's still not used to the water entirely, the viscosity in comparison to the wind. He heads towards the ladder and slowly wills himself to climb out.

"Nii-san! What are you doing here?"

"Didn't mom tell you I was coming over?" Rin's voice reaches his ears.

Rei pulls himself out the pool and grabs the towel that Nagisa holds out to him with a cheerful, "Nice job, Rei-chan! Though your last lap, it looked kind of funny..."

Rei huffs at him, trying not to pout, and Nagisa laughs. Rin glances his way and raises an eyebrow, having heard the conversation, and Rei walks over as Nagisa runs off to the locker room.

"Rei, nice job on times. You managed a good average." She looks at her clipboard, flipping the pages a bit before stopping. "But you still haven't beaten your best yet!"

"I'll work harder." Rei answers, and Rin, off the side, snorts. "You better."

Rei tries not to roll his eyes. "Why are you here, Rin-san?"

"I'm visiting Gou and my mom."

"But did you really have to stop here at practice?"

"What, you don't want to see me?"

Rei nearly adjusts his glasses, remembering that they're in his locker at the last second, playing it off by rubbing the towel against his face. "I didn't mean that. But it would be more reasonable to go directly to your home, wouldn't it?"

"That's true, now you have to take the train with us." Gou frowns. "Why did you--"

"I just came to get you." Rin shrugs and cuts her off, stuffing his hands into his uniform's pockets.

When Gou smiles, Rin turns his head a little and Rei can't help it, he smirks just slightly and Rin scowls at him.

"I'm not waiting for long, so hurry up." He nods towards Rei. "And tell those other guys to hurry too."

Rei fights the urge to comment on 'other guys'. If Rin wants to pretend he came just to see his sister, he won't say anything, not this time at least. The memory of his kindness is still fresh, and so Rei merely nods and walks into the locker room to change.

"Rin-san is here." He says to Makoto and Haruka just as they're about to go.

"Rei-chan! I was just about to tell them that."

"Ah, I can't stay." Makoto says with a gentle smile, edging aplogetic. "I promised to watch the twins, since mom and dad want to go out."

Haruka pauses for just a second before putting on his tie. "I told Ren and Ran I'd come."

"Haru, if you want, I can watch Ren and Ran alone--"

"It's fine. Let's go, they're probably waiting." Haruka moves towards the door, a nod goodbye before he's out. Makoto gives Rei an apologetic look.

"Sorry Rei. Tell Rin why we couldn't stay, okay?"

"Of course, Makoto-senpai."

Rin seems only a little disgruntled that Makoto and Haruka 'ditched me for kids, geesh'. Rei decides once again not to comment, only allowing himself a quiet chuckle. 

They walk to the station, and for some odd reason, Rin takes a space in the middle next to Gou, leaving Rei and Nagisa to be on either end. It's unusual, he normally walks on the edge of the group, but Rei reasons it's because of Gou and the lack of Haruka and Makoto, who ususally are in the middle instead, along with Nagisa.

"And our budget now is huge! I don't know what we'll use it for, but it's nice to know." Gou says, and Rin smiles at her, fond for a second before Nagisa jumps into the conversation.

"Yeah, you better watch out, Rin-chan! We'll get a whole bunch of new members, and Samezuka won't stand a chance against us!"

"You remember that Samezuka is a swimming-focused school, Nagisa-kun?"

"Rei-chan, don't spoil my fun!"

"No, Rei's got a point." Rin starts to grin, "Look at him, after all. Didn't even know how to swim."

"Rin-chan-san," Rei mutters, "I learned quickly enough. I'm certain that anyone who joined would learn just as quickly if they had no prior knowledge."

"Yeah, after all, Rei-chan learned butterfly without anyone else's help!"

"Really?"

"Really!" Nagisa jumps, doing a little twirl on the sidewalk before stopping, posing dramatically. "It was really crazy! Everyone thought it was Haru-chan, but then we realized it wasn't freestyle, and all of a sudden Rei-chan's head pops out of the water! It was like a miracle! A gift from the water gods! Magic!"

"Nagisa-kun! Did I really seem that hopeless?!"

"Yep!"

Rin laughs. Rei glares at Nagisa and Rin, and Gou as well when he sees her covering her mouth, trying to be discreet.

"I didn't know he learned it by himself." Rin murmurs, a little impressed by the sound of it, and Rei can't help it, he smiles, proud.

"I did what I needed to do, is all." He says to him, and Rin flinches, unaware that he'd heard.

"It's not a big deal. I can't believe you didn't know how to swim before that." His cheeks tint red, and he turns his head slightly. "Don't get comfortable." 

Rei pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose with a smirk. "Of course not. I haven't beaten you yet." 

That's when they reach the train station, right as Rin lets out an amused snort, and the conversation stops.

On the train, Gou and Nagisa bicker over the homework and how relaxed Nagisa is, "You never take your swimming seriously enough!", "You're taking it too seriously for me though!"

Rei listens to the argument going on next to Rin and him, grip loose on the hanging support. He's thinking of partaking in it, agreeing with Gou, Nagisa is too relaxed, it's worrisome, but before he can, Rin prods him with his elbow.

"Rei, the book, did you read all of it?"

"Yes, Rin-san, I read all of it." Rei pushes up his glasses. "It was quite helpful, I feel. There was an unexpected amount of detail."

"Yeah. It's pretty theoretical, so it helped me out too." Rin says, and Rei is a little surprised.

"Do you work better with theoretical approaches?"

"It depends, but it usually helps."

"Ah, that's surprising. I would have thought..."

"I don't just dive into things." Rin says with a huff, and Rei half-frowns. "That's not what I meant."

"Whatever." Rin shrugs, waving it off. "Anyways, the advice in the introduction..."

Soon enough, Rei finds himself talking about mental approaches and accuracy and angles, of all things, with Rin. He gets so involved that he nearly forgets that Nagisa and Gou are there, he starts explaining the technical differences between the feeling of five degrees and zero, insisting that Rin's entry jump is usually five degrees off. Nagisa and Gou watch them with mild confusion as they throw numbers and terms around, and Rei hardly realizes that time has passed until his stop is announced to be coming soon.

"No, the upward force would-- Ah." He looks up at the flashing sign. "This is my stop."

"Wow, Rei-chan." Nagisa is looking at him and Rin with half admiration, half disbelief. "You and Rin-chan must be really nerdy. I've never heard anyone talk so much about numbers before, let alone two people!"

"I'm not." They say in unison. Gou and Nagisa look at each other and laugh, Rin glaring daggers and Rei letting out a small huff.

"Rin-san and I are simply discussing the best way to swim."

"With all these angles and mindsets and stuff! Try to be like Haru-chan and just swim! Or like me!" Nagisa laughs, and Rin growls at him.

Rei moves towards the doors. "Haruka-senpai does have something unique, but I don't think his approach to swimming works as well with me, or Rin-san, in this case."

Rin says something to them, but Rei doesn't hear, gets off the train before the sound can reach him. He gets a text a few minutes later, but he waits until he manages half his run before looking.

 _New Messages!_  
_From: Rin Matsuoka(RinRin!)_

 _You still owe me for that drink_  
_Btw_

_From: Rin Matsuoka(RinRin!)_

_Are you okay  
You seemed okay_

_From: Rin Matsuoka(RinRin!)_

_Nvm that_  
_Pay me back_

It's very hard to type and laugh, Rei learns. He rolls his eyes, but he's not feeling anything but fond as he sends him an answer.

_To: Rin Matsuoka(RinRin!)_

_I'm fine, thank you. I appreciate your concern._  
_I'll pay you back soon, I apologize for not doing so today._

He puts his phone back in his pocket and runs home. When he pulls it out again, planning to turn it off so he can study without being bothered, there's another message.

 _New Message!_  
_From: Rin Matsuoka(RinRin!)_

_You never stop being so formal, seriously_

Rei answers without thinking about it.

_To: Rin Matsuoka(RinRin!)_

_And you never say what you mean. I thank you again for having enough concern to message me about my |_

He pauses, unsure of what to type.

_my health._

He sends the message and turns off his phone, satisfied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter updates are going to be kind of sporadic after this one, seeing as I had this part written already. There are a lot more ideas I got recently though, to make everything flow a little better, so the parts I had already written need to have more stuffed in between them.  
> Either way, hope you liked Rin and Rei being. Well. Rin and Rei


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The distance is nothing; it is only the first step that is difficult.”

As the season shifts into fall, Nagisa suggests that they all have a sleepover, to which Makoto offers his house after Haruka says no.

"Haru-chan, why can't we have it at your house? I like Mako-chan's house, but his family is there!"

"You can't keep using my house as a meeting spot. Makoto's house is closer, too."

Rei suspects his answer has more to do with the mess they made the last time, since Makoto's house isn't that much closer(maybe twenty or so feet, Rei would need measuring tape to be sure), and Haruka had been fine with them being there before the vaguely named 'mackerel pizza incident' had occurred.

Rei shudders a little at the memory. He's thankful that pizza isn't something he likes, because that incident ruins his appetite every time he thinks of it. _Extremely not beautiful._

After some one-sided arguing, they come to an agreement, Makoto's house, five o'clock, Rin is invited, this time. 

(There are times when Rin isn't invited, and Rei isn't sure if it's because of him, if they're trying to be kind or simply forgetting. He doesn't know what he thinks about either option, honestly, after all that strife, he'd assume they would always try to include Rin, but there are often times when Rin isn't there and Rei is, and he's always...Mixed, in a sense, on how he feels when that happens. He knows the opposite is true as well, simply put, a unity of opposites occurs, though which is the stronger force he doesn't know.

He prefers, when he thinks about it, that all five of them would stay together and not be two separate quartets. But he doesn't say so, because he also likes the thought that they do so because he's just as special as Rin is.)

He arrives five minutes early on principle. To be late is to be lacking in several ways, it makes him seem unorganized, it's rude, and all in all, he prefers to be there first, survey the situation to make sure he's got the proper supplies, to know what exactly he should expect, a chance to breathe before having to perform. A five minute head start, after all, can be make or break in a mock exam, and the same applies in all areas of life. Or at least, he thinks so.

Makoto's two siblings look at him from behind Makoto's legs, wide-eyed as Makoto opens the door and steps back to usher him in. They seem to assess him, and Rei stands as straight as he can, suddenly nervous. _Makoto-senpai cares deeply for his siblings, so their approval is crucial...!_

Haruka walks into the hallway from the kitchen, motioning for Rei to take off his shoes just as Makoto introduces him. Rei blinks, surprised to see him there before recalling that Haruka lives right up the steps from Makoto's house, so of course he'd be there early, earlier than anyone else. He stands in the doorway, not sure whether to take off his shoes or let Makoto's siblings look at him as Makoto explains that he's a friend from his swimming club, "Remember, I told you about him a while ago?"

"Is he the one who likes butterflies?" One of them asks, the girl, _Ran?_ Rei flushes as she gives him a scrutinizing glance, taking off his shoes. He's not really sure what Makoto has told them, now that she's said something like that.

"Er, yes." Makoto says with a chuckle, "Though I said he does the butterfly stroke, not that he likes butterflies..."

"I like butterflies though!" Rei says, a little too loud, but he keeps going, determined to prove _something_. "They're quite fascinating, and very beautiful--"

"Do you like the blue ones? I really like the blue ones! Those are the prettiest!"

"Er, I, I suppose?" He's a bit taken aback by the sudden response, but Ran looks at him with her eyes shining, a grin on her face, and he assumes that he's gotten her acceptance. Makoto's other sibling, Ren, he believes, gives him what he considers an incredulous look.

"But aren't butterflies...Girly?"

"Beauty is not limited to girls." Rei answers before he can help himself. "And butterflies can be quite dangerous, on occasion."

"Really? What kind?"

"Well, there's a type of moth and butterfly that drink blood if available. They're very rare, and there's another--"

He gets jabbed in the back before he can continue, nearly jumping an inch off the ground in surprise. Rin gently pushes him to the side, using his shoulder to move him over.

"Get out of the doorway, Rei."

"That was rude, Rin-san." He fixes his glasses, catching sight of the time. _Right on the minute..._ "I was explaining something to Makoto-senpai's siblings."

"We're not just Makoto-onii-chan's siblings!" Ran says, cheeks puffing up. She lets go of Makoto's pants leg, putting her hands on her hips. "Doesn't he talk about us at all? I'm Ran!"

Her twin moves a little closer, though he sticks to staying behind Makoto. "I'm Ren."

Rei nods. "I'm Rei. Your 'onii-chan' has been very kind to me."

Makoto laughs a little when Rei says 'onii-chan', and Haruka's eyes glitter before he walks back into the kitchen. Rei steps onto the floor, now embarrassed, Rin pushing him so that they end up standing in front of the doorway together like a wall. They've left the door open, which makes Rei a little nervous, but he has no time to worry about that when Makoto's siblings are staring at him.

"Onii-chan's nice to everyone." Ran says with a pout. Rei nods, swallowing nervously as she glares at him. "I know, I'm very sorry I didn't use your names."

She frowns more, but nods, turning her head a little. "It's okay."

"Ran..." Makoto chides, but she refuses to budge, keeping her head turned.

"I don't mind, Makoto-senpai." Rei offers. "It was quite rude of me, seeing as you've told us about them before."

Rin surveys the room with a glance before turning his head to look at Makoto's siblings, who stare back, looking at him and then at Rei, comparing, it looks like.

"Ran, Ren, this is Rin. The one from the relay in elementary school that I told you about."

"When we were babies, right?"

"Yes, that's right."

Ran and Ren look at Rin once more, then whisper to each other very quickly. Rei is torn between straining to listen and being polite. He's curious what suddenly drove them to whispers, but he settles for stepping a little further into the house, manners over curiosity, checking his watch. Nagisa is late, as always.

After some prodding from his sister, Ren looks at Rin and asks, "Are...Are those your real teeth?"

There's dead silence.

Makoto looks at the floor, biting his lip, trying not to laugh, and Rei stares at the twins, mouth open.

From the kitchen, there's a faint snort, and then Makoto starts laughing. Rei follows, snickering while Rin stands there, glaring at them. Ren hides behind Makoto, looking at his older brother in confusion, Ran doing the same, though she keeps staring at him and his teeth.

After a moment of terse silence, Rin answers, surly, "Yeah."

"I told you before Rin-san, you should get those fixed--Ow!" Rin shoves him hard into the house, and he nearly falls onto the floor in front of Makoto. The twins draw back, but Ran moves towards him after he rights himself, asking if he's okay. Makoto scolds Rin in the background.

"I'm fine, don't worry. Thank you."

She nods, but sticks close, staring at him. He's not entirely sure what to do, so he gives her a small smile before turning, planning on giving Rin a lecture on how rude that was, they're in someone else's house, and he could have fallen and made a completely fool of himself in front of Makoto's siblings and then he would have been forced to leave because how unsightly that would have been--

\--Until he sees Nagisa sneaking up behind Rin. He stays quiet instead, waiting until Nagisa pounces on him.

He's clearly surprised at the sudden weight, stiffening. "What the--! Nagisa...!" He stumbles forward, Nagisa hanging off of him. "Get off of me!"

"Aw, Rin-chan, why? This is fun!"

"It is not! Get off you little f--"

"--Ahem." Makoto makes no move to help Rin, just clears his throat, gesturing at his siblings, and Rin grits his teeth. Ren and Ran watch with fascination as Rin tries to shake Nagisa off, turning this way and that, and Rei laughs, hiding his mouth with his hand.

Makoto intervenes when Rin gives him a helpless look, bordering threatening.

"Nagisa, you should get off of him. He's going to get tired."

As if on cue, Nagisa jumps off of Rin. "Okay, Mako-chan!"

Rin turns and wordlessly glares at Nagisa, who gives him a sickly sweet smile in return.

"Makoto?"

A woman's voice comes from up the stairs. Rei stiffens immediately.

_That's probably Makoto's mother...I wonder if I should have brought something? I should have thought of that earlier! What was I even thinking of before I left home?!_

"Mom? Sorry, were we being too noisy?" Makoto calls back.

With a smile on her face, his mother comes down. The resemblance is striking. "No, I just remembered that I have to go to the store."

Rei stares, adjusting his glasses after a moment. _So Makoto-senpai takes after his mother..._

"Oh. Do you want me to go?"

"No, no, have fun. I was just telling you."

"Are you sure? If it's not a lot, I can go."

"It's fine, have fun with your friends."

"That's right Mako-chan, you can't just leave us here! That'd be rude to your guests!"

"Ah, Nagisa, hey..!"

She motions towards Rin while Nagisa bends down, introducing himself to Ren and Ran despite Makoto's legs as a barrier.

"Come in further, don't stand so close to the doorway, you'll catch a cold in this weather." She pauses, a little smile on her face. "Makoto used to catch them all the time. He'd beg Haru over the phone to come over when he was bored."

"Mom!"

She laughs, closing the door behind her. Rin gives him a grin, and Rei can't help but smile at the idea.

Haruka comes out of the kitchen, and Ren and Ran run over to him instead, fleeing from Nagisa.

"The food is done."

"Thanks, Haru."

"Ooo, what did Haru-chan make?" Nagisa bounces towards the kitchen to look.

"It's probably mackerel." Rin mutters, not to anyone in particular, but Rei smiles when he hears him.

* * *

 Dinner is rather haphazard, and Rei attempts not to groan at Nagisa stuffing his face at every moment. It's worrying, how much Nagisa tries to eat at one time, he'll end up choking that way, Rei is sure.

(He may be staring a little too much, but nobody is really going to take note of that. It's been two months, two weeks, and three days since that confession, maybe eighteen hours, and he should be fine, but...It's a tad more difficult than he anticipated, caring less.)

Next to him, Rin whispers, "Where does he put all of that?"

"There is a high chance he'll grow. We are still within the optimal age bracket for growth."

Rin grimaces at him, muttering, "Both of you better not."

"I'll probably be taller than you, Rin-san." He grins a little. "By at least four centimeters."

"Yeah right." Rin answers, softly elbowing him in the ribs. "I doubt it."

"Hey, Rei-chan, Rin-chan, what are you whispering about?" Nagisa swallows a mouthful halfway between his sentence, and Rei isn't sure how that's physically possible. "Are you planning how to take all of dessert for yourselves?! That's definitely what you're doing! How sneaky, Rei-chan! Enlisting Rin-chan to help you!"

Rei is silently glad that Nagisa is seated in between Makoto and Haruka across the table. The space makes it easier to not want to clean up the rice scattered on his face, and Nagisa can't reach over to poke at him. He had been crammed between them at Rin's request, after about five minutes into dinner, he had forced Nagisa to get up and move, unable to handle the mess he was making. 

_Getting rice in his hair was truly a bad idea, Nagisa-kun._

"Nagisa, there really isn't dessert..." Makoto says, but the twins barge into the conversation from the ends of the table, seated that way to avoid fighting, according to Makoto.

"Onii-chan, can we have the popsicles in the fridge? Can we?"

"Er--"

"Mako-chan, are there enough popsicles for all of us? That sounds really good!"

He sighs, but he's smiling. "All right, all right, I'll check."

It turns out that there are only six popsicles left, and Ren and Ran argue over who gets one before Rei offers his, seeing how Makoto looks weary.

"Rei, you don't have to do that. I'll give them mine."

"No, it's fine." He shifts his glasses up. "The sugar content is a little high, and I'd rather not indulge too much."

"Are you sure?"

"I insist." He's not really fond of soda flavored ice pops either, but he leaves that piece of information out, deeming it a little too unnecessary to the current situation. He hands his unopened popsicle to Ran, who takes it slowly.

 _Her face is rather red,_ Rei thinks. _I wonder if she's catching something, maybe we shouldn't have left the door open so long, she seemed fine earlier._

"Raaaannnn," Ren says in a sing-song voice, "you--"

"Shut up!" She pushes her brother a little, and he yelps.

"That was mean! Onii-chan!"

"Ran, don't be mean to Ren. Ren, don't tease Ran."

"She always teases me." He mumbles. Ran opens the popsicle and takes a small bite, still a little red, a frown on her face.

Rin looks at her and snickers, as does Nagisa, then Haruka. Makoto looks at them, settling his eyes on Haruka, who looks back, and his eyes widen and he chuckles. Rei is baffled.

"What--"

"Ah," interrupts Makoto, with a smile that almost looks sly, "lets go to my room."

"Us too, right?" The twins look up at Makoto.

"No." He gives them both a pat on the head, but his voice is firm. "I'm going to hang out with just my friends now."

"But--"

"I'm home!"

"Mom!" Makoto moves towards the door, grabbing the bags in her hands. "You were out longer than I thought you would be."

Haruka motions towards them as Makoto talks to his mother, moving up the stairs. Rei pauses. He'd only read a few books on the subject, but it was generally more acceptable for the host to lead the guests where they were to go. It'd be rude of them to go on their own, even if Haruka did count as a sort of host, this was Makoto's house and--

"Rei, come on."

"But, Haruka-senpai," It's not that it bothers him that much, but rules are important and he can't just ignore them, "wouldn't it be better to wait...?"

"It's fine. He knows." Haruka insists, and Nagisa pushes him forward before he can protest anymore. He nearly trips on the stairs, only managing not to because Rin holds out a hand to push his shoulder back. The opposing forces are uncomfortable, and he rocks on his feet, still dubious before climbing up the stairs, Nagisa pushing him out of the way to get to the top before anyone else.

 Rin mumbles, "You're so on edge. Haven't you ever been to anyone else's house before?"

Rei mumbles back, "Have you?"

"Relax." Is his answer, climbing up the last few stairs two at a time. "It's Makoto."

Rei frowns, trying to lose the tension in his shoulders as he mutters, "I am relaxed...!"

"Makoto's room is this way." Haruka says, opening a door. There's a simple feeling, a desk in the corner, a bed, a small television with a game console set up next to it. It's very...Makoto, is what Rei thinks, the comforting feel, the sense of a mature person, yet not perfectly put together, a few things are strewn on the desk, and the bed is done hastily, covers wrinkled. Rei finds it beautiful, how it reflects Makoto's personality perfectly. Harmonious.

_I should take notes on how to achieve such an atmosphere in a room..._

He's about to pull a notepad out of his backpack when Makoto comes up in a hurry, apologizing. "Sorry, I was helping her put away some groceries."

"It's fine." Rin mutters, crouching over a box. Nagisa peers through his closet, then tries to sneak his hand under the bed.  

"Nagisa-kun, I don't suggest that." Nagisa pouts at him, but pulls his hand back.

"Rei-chan, shh."

Rei takes a moment to glance around again, finding that he relaxes the more he watches everyone in the room, Haruka casually leaning against the bed while Nagisa pesters him from the top of it, Rin rummaging through the box.

"Do you guys want to play a game? I have a lot of multi-player ones because of the twins..." Makoto moves towards Rin, who's looking over a game with mild interest.

"Mako-chan, can I sleep on the bed?" Nagisa bounces a little. "It's really comfy!"

"Well, if you want to, I guess...?" Hesitantly, he smiles. "Does anyone else want it though? Someone will have to use it, since we have futons, but, I don't know if we have enough for everyone."

"How about a competition?"

Rin grins, mouth curled smug. "Whoever wins in this," He holds up a fighting game, "gets to sleep in the bed."

"I'm no good at that game, so I'll pass." Makoto says with a smile."I couldn't let all my guests sleep on the floor anyways."

Haruka moves a little closer, interested. Rin turns to look at him, and there's that feeling in the air that always occurs just before they start a competition.

"I'll play. And win." He answers, and Rin nods, giving him a look, the look, Rei considers, the look that he has when he's in what Nagisa has called the 'destroy Haru-chan' mode.

"All right. Nagisa? Rei?"

"I'll try it! I haven't played this one much!" Nagisa pries the case from him. "Ohh, the new characters are cool!"

"I don't--" Rei begins, planning on saying that he doesn't mind the floor, but the look Rin gives him is practically a taunt.

"Rei," He draws out his name, grins toothily, "Have you ever even played a video game?"

Rei sputters, insulted. _It's true that I don't play many games, but to assume I haven't ever...!_

"I, I certainly have!" _Though, not this one in particular._

"Really," says Rin, flippant, "You spend so much time studying, apparently, so I wouldn't be surprised if you hadn't."  
  
Rei doesn't exactly know why, but the way Rin says that manages to get under his skin. Studying is proper and what any student should do instead of wasting their time on games, why bother with games when one could be learning more about mechanics, the forces that make everything work, that's so much more fascinating, but...! 

"I'll play!" He shouts. "Nagisa-kun, give me the manual please!"

"Aw, Rei-chan, I wanted to look at the new characters more!" Nagisa whines as Rei furiously thumbs through the manual until he gets to character controls. There's only a few things he has to remember, and he mentally crams it in, _there's no way I'll lose!_

They decide on three rounds, timed two minutes each. Rei studies the controller, wishing he could look up combos online as suggested in the manual, but there's no time for that.

He loses the first round. Rin wins.

"Looks like I'll be enjoying the bed." He boasts, but Haruka shifts a little, sitting upright, and Rei feels the sudden change in atmosphere, heavy.

"I wouldn't say that, Rin." Makoto leans over a little, grinning. He's seated on the prize. "Haru is really good at this game."

"Can't be that good if he didn't even beat me the first time."

Haruka wins the next round by a landslide, hyper-focused. Rei hardly manages to live for a few seconds the whole round, and Nagisa quits, whining that Haruka is way too good and he's cheating, since he's played it so much.

Rin simply narrows his eyes. They spend the next round duking it out, and Rei somehow wins that one, having finally grasped the controls, taking advantage of Rin and Haruka's focus on each other.

"Rei, how in the--"

"You and Haruka-senpai forget that I'm there, and then when one of you appears close to dying, I attempt to land a hit." Rei fixes his glasses. "Seeing as I can and do play video games, Rin-san, this win shouldn't be too surprising."

Rin mutters, "You're still hung up on that? Geesh."

He grins suddenly though, saying, "All right. Sudden death round. We're going all out."

Rei tries, but he's constantly kicked off the playing field before he can land any hits whatsoever. Rin and Haruka's characters struggle on screen, Rin yelling a number of almost profanities, only quieting when Makoto shouts, "My siblings are still awake, you know!"

Haruka wins, experience triumphing over passion. Rin flops onto the ground afterwords, muttering a string of curses under his breath.

Though he's disappointed at the loss, he can't help but admire the knock out count that shows on the screen, a new record, apparently.  "Impressive, Haruka-senpai."

"I play a lot." He says, but something tells Rei he's rather proud about the whole ordeal. Makoto chuckles softly. 

"This is Haru's second favorite game." 

From the floor, Rin mutters, "Makoto, you traitor."

Nagisa bounces on the bed again, Rei feels the mattress sink and rise against his back. 

"Yeah, Mako-chan, you traitor!"

"Eh? Why are you blaming me?!"

"Haru probably comes over and plays this with you all the time." Rin rolls a little, hand over his face. "I bet you're actually fucking great at this game."

"I'm really not, and how is it my fault that Haru likes to play?!" Makoto whines, Nagisa butting into him with his head. "Mako-chan, you traaaaaitor!"

"Nagisa, hey...! Ow! Quit that!"

After a few minutes more of being headbutted, Makoto gives up on stopping Nagisa and rises from the bed to get away.

"I guess I'll get the futons." He says with a sigh.

Rei rises off the floor. "I'll help."

When Makoto looks as if he'll refuse, Rei insists, "It's common courtesy, and I need to use your restroom as well, so it's not as if getting up is inefficient."

"How polite." Rin mutters from the ground with a little sneer. Rei pointedly ignores him.

After a pause, Makoto smiles. "Thank you." 

As they exit, the final noise he hears from the room is a thud, followed by, "Mine now." "Haru-chan!" "Haru, you--!"

He assumes that Haruka has taken control of the bed, but it's a fleeting thought. Rei marvels at how an entire house can contain such a friendly atmosphere as they walk down the corridor. _Is it his siblings, or Makoto-senpai himself, or is it that his whole family is like this? Maybe it's their choice in color. Lots of cream, soft colors..._

"Rei, can I ask why you're carrying your bag?"

"Eh?" He hadn't meant to, but in his hands is his bag, sure enough. _When did I...?!_

(He'd had it in his lap while playing the death round, terrified of all the cartoon violence being unleashed. Hardly a second passed by that round without something flying towards the screen, he had needed something to feel grounded.)

"I, ah, I...I wanted to change! Into my pajamas."

"But couldn't you do that in my room and not the bathroom...?"

"Well, no one else was changing, and I did need to go to the restroom either way." He tries his best to look composed, failing completely as his bag nearly slips out of his grip. Makoto gives him an amused look and lets it go, cheerfully pointing to the bathroom door before opening a closet, where a few futons are stacked.

Rei slips inside the bathroom. It's small, relatively speaking, with several towels hanging on the rack, but big enough for him to change without bumping into anything. He places his bag on the floor and pulls out his carefully folded pajamas.

He'd brought his favorite set, the purple ones with the butterfly pattern. Sleek, comfortable, and yet, colorful and stylish. Rei is proud of himself for finding them on sale, even though the salesclerk had given him a strange look when he had gone to buy them.

The minute he steps out, Makoto looks at him and says, "Rei, could you...Your pajamas."

"Yes?" He slides his hands over the fabric, smoothing out any wrinkles. "They're beautiful, aren't they?"

"Er, I guess...?" He shakes his head and smiles, eyebrows upturned. "Could you help me with the futons?"

"Certainly." They carry them back to Makoto's room, where Haruka is lying on the bed, purely to take up the space, while Rin and Nagisa have given up, lying on the floor in a rather undignified heap. 

Nagisa takes one look at Rei's pajamas and sits upright, laughing.

"Rei-chan, you brought...you brought those?!" He wheezes. "I can't believe you sometimes!"

"What's wrong with these?!"

Rin shakes his head. "Unbelievable."

"Rin-san, you too?!"

"Rei." Haruka glances at him, a vaguely dismissive expression on his face, then lies back down. Rei fumbles with his glasses, flushed.

"I fail to understand why you all are looking at me like that!"

"Rei, they're...Very unique, is all." Makoto dumps the futons on the floor. "Rin, Nagisa, move over so I can set these up."

"I'll help!" Nagisa chirps, and Rin grabs a corner before Makoto can say anything, spreading it out. Rei drops the futons in his hands as well, grumbling as he smooths them out. 

Rin slides over to help him, tugging on the corner of a sheet. "Butterfly pajamas? Really?"

"They're comfortable!" 

"Rei-chan really likes those." Nagisa flops onto a futon. "The last time I stayed over he wore them! It was really silly!"

"You've stayed over?"  

"Yeah, I did before Rei-chan c--" And Rei panics, fisting the sheet in his hands.

"Nagisa-kun, I believe that is enough!"

"Huh? Wh-- Oh!" Nagisa waves his hands, covering his mouth. "Right, sorry!"

"Hm?" Makoto looks up from his end of the second futon, brow furrowed. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing, Mako-chan! Nothing! Just that Rei-chan's got a whole bunch of nerdy books! Ones that you've never even wanted to hear of!" He stands up. "And I should change into my pajamas too, Mako-chan, where's your bathroom?"

Rei loosens his grip and breathes out. He'd nearly been exposed, he knows it, feels it.

(Remembers that Nagisa stopped staying over after he confessed, and they never really addressed why. He understands, he's grateful for it, but something in his chest stirs uncomfortably, unhappily. Restless, a fluttering emotion, similar to the one that day.

He feels a little mechanical, again. Things change, even when people say they won't, he knows this as a general rule, but it hurts, things like this.)

Rin pushes him into the messily done futon, face first. Everything is forgotten as cottony cloth gets in his mouth, his glasses squished against his face, and he bounces back up, vehemently glaring at Rin through his now dirty glasses.

Rin shrugs, looking off to the side.

"You weren't doing anything." He says, smoothing out another corner. "Figured you'd fallen asleep sitting up."

"I was very much awake, thank you!"

"No problem." Rin doesn't look at him, and Rei doesn't really understand what his problem is. _Why is he so...?!_

* * *

 Rei can't sleep.

It's late, and Nagisa is snoring softly, mumbling, "Don't take my strawberry milkshake, no, my shortcake...!"

Nagisa, despite all his whining, had gotten the furthest futon at Haruka's request, with Makoto serving as a barrier, then Rin, then Rei. Haruka had complained that the last time he'd slept around Nagisa, there'd been too much noise, "It's impossible to sleep well."

There's almost no noise now, except for Nagisa's mumbles. A few soft breaths, ones that indicate that everyone else is asleep, and he doesn't understand why he can't do the same. The room is dark enough, light barely filters through the window, and it's not as if he's uncomfortable, quite the opposite, the futons are all in good condition. It's just that his mind is restless, lacking the order it usually retains, and so he does what he usually does when this happens.

He thinks.

Of energy, force, gravity, the weight of the world in regards to the weightlessness of space, the menagerie of balance that forms the Earth, humanity itself.

(Nagisa had apologized quietly before they went to bed, whispering, "Rei-chan, I'm so sorry, I almost forgot that they don't know!"

"Please be more careful."

"You really don't want to tell them though?"

"I don't." Rei had shook his head slightly. "Please, Nagisa-kun."

"Why though...?"

"Because..." He had held back a sigh, "Because of various reasons."

He just doesn't want to tell them, not because he doesn't trust them, but because he's scared of more changes that nobody means to happen. Nagisa wouldn't understand that. He hardly understands it himself. And he doesn't want to give him more to worry about.

Admittedly, he also doesn't trust Nagisa with that information. He'd end up telling someone without even meaning to, that's just how he is, Rei thinks. Honesty like a double edged sword.)

He sighs deeply now, staring at the ceiling, the dark. Rin shifts a little in his sleep, and Rei holds his second sigh, not wanting to be noisy. It'd be rude to wake him, and Rei feels that it'd work as a chain reaction does, each of them would wake, chaos.

When Rin stills, Rei sighs again, though without as much force.

"Can't sleep either?"

"R-Rin-san?" Rei whispers as Rin turns to face him, sleepy but awake, his eyes are sharp, even in the dim light. "You're awake?"

"Yeah." He murmurs, shifting again, eyes facing the ceiling. They're quiet for a few minutes, listening to inhales and exhales, the occasional soft whine from Nagisa, "I'll save you, strawberries!"

The quiet feels less constricting, Rei finds himself thinking. Less pressing, in a way, Rin being awake, the silent camaraderie, it makes a strangely vast difference, how he had felt a few minutes before, awake and staring at the ceiling, drifting. Knowing Rin is awake with him, Rei feels...Not alone. Not as restless as before.

"Hey." Rin says, and Rei turns his head to look at him. They stare at each other in the darkness.

"Hm?"

"Can I ask you something?" 

"I suppose?"

"Why Nagisa?"

It's as if he's been cast in starch. He lies stiffly against the futon, hyper-aware of everyone in the room, of every rustle of cloth, every prickle of the sheet and the comforter against his pajamas. His mouth feels dry, and he lies there, wondering if this is one of those questions that he doesn't have to answer or if it's one of those that he has to answer, whether Rin even has a right to know.

"You're not similar." Rin shifts, both their comforters move, Rei feels one brush against his exposed ankle. "Opposites and all that, but I mean..."

He doesn't say anything, choosing not to answer, turning his head away. Rin sighs, a long and soft sound. 

"Sorry." He mumbles, "Nevermind. I shouldn't have asked."

Rei turns to look at him again as he says, "It's just...He almost gave you away, didn't he?"

Silence. Rei looks at him with a numbed fascination, Rin's jawline is as sharp as his teeth, and the strands of moonlight that make it through the window reach just barely across them. Everything about Rin reminds Rei of something sharp, straight down to his personality. There's a word for a person like that, Rei is certain, though he doesn't know what it is, the word that means, 'a person like a knife, sensible, dangerous'.

Rin starts to turn away just as Rei says, "He did."

"That's what I thought." He glances at him with a rougher sigh this time. "Nagisa can't keep secrets well."

"I know."

There's a lull in their conversation again. Rin doesn't meet his eyes.

"...You okay?"

Rei thinks. 

Answers with, "Yes."

The worst time period has passed, and now there's only the thinnest residue of what he'd felt like months before. It's unsurprising, given Nagisa's personality, that he'd slip up once, Rei is thankful in some ways that this is the first time, it'll only be easier as time goes on and things change, just like they have to.

"I'll be fine." He says, more to himself than Rin.

Rin pinches his arm. Rei nearly yelps, biting his lip at the last minute to keep himself quiet.

"What was that for?!" He hisses, rubbing to ease the sting.

Rin's expression is flat, though, if Rei looks hard enough, there seems to be a redness to his cheeks.

"You needed a distraction." He mutters, looking towards his pillow. "Same as before."

"Before...?"

"When I shoved you into the futon."

And now Rei is sure that Rin is blushing, despite the dark, his eyes have adjusted enough to see, and Rin won't meet his eyes when he stares. He's not sure what to say when the words register completely.

Rin is completely different from anyone he's ever had to deal with. Different from his straightforward senpais, from Nagisa, he's indirect, what he says is always skewed in some way or another unless he's talking about swimming. He makes Rei have to think to understand what he says, and he's absolutely ridiculous in that way, appalling, and frustrating, and a little bit funny, on the occasion.

Yet, Rei finds that he's growing fonder of Rin's awkward kindness. Childish, Rei considers, but not in a bad way.

"...Your method of consolation is incredibly flawed." Before Rin snaps at him, he adds, "But it's very effective."

"Tch." They're silent again, Rin staring at the ceiling, refusing to look Rei's way.

"Rin-san." Rin doesn't look at him, but Rei knows he's listening. "I appreciate your efforts."

"You better." He mutters, and Rei nearly rolls his eyes, except Rin looks his way this time and something odd settles in his stomach for a moment before it's gone. Indigestion, maybe.

"I do." As he looks him in the eye(sincerity should always be pronounced with physical signs), a little nervousness courses through him, a fluttery, flimsy feeling, heat coursing up to his cheeks.

"...Go to sleep."

Is Rin's parting murmur, voice gentle and low, eyes downcast before he turns to face Makoto's way. Rei stares at his back, watching the moonlight that filters in against his hair, the soft flutter of it against the pillow, the contrast of red and white. There's that strange vibration in his stomach again, but now he's relaxed, tired, doesn't think on it much as he closes his eyes.

He wakes up with Rin clinging to his arm, sleeping soundly. Nagisa's feet are somehow on his stomach, enough pressure to be rather annoying, but not much else. He's completely sideways, lying on all three of them, and Rei can't help but laugh, a short snicker at how it looks.

He can't move much with Rin hanging off of him, so he settles for shoving Nagisa's feet mostly off his stomach. One knocks into Rin's knee, and Rin lets go of his arm, frowning in his sleep, gripping his pillow instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here have a late gift  
> I swear to god this fic is a rin/rei fic I'm just obsessive over the weirdest little details  
> this is so long and gen I'm so sorry


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."

He doesn't see Nagisa's crouched form until he's almost stepping on him, taking an awkward half-step around him and slipping a little on the wet ground, compromising his balance.

"Nagisa-kun, you should stand. You'll cause someone to fall."

"Like you?" He asks, doe-eyed, but there's a smirk on his face that conveys the exact opposite of innocence. Rei narrows his eyes and chooses not to dignify the question with an answer, mentally penning into his New Years resolution to stop getting tricked into things by Nagisa all the time. Instead he sighs and shuffles closer to Makoto, ignoring Nagisa's snickers.

"Ah, Rei, have you and Nagisa gotten your fortunes yet?" Makoto shows him his slip. 'Good Luck' is written across it. "It looks like I'll have a good year this year too."

"Hey, Haru, what'd you get?" Rin asks, and Haruka frowns.

"Half luck."

"Ha, I got..." He unfolds his slip eagerly, then frowns. "Mild luck. What the hell?"

They both look disappointed. Rei can't help but smile.

"It sounds like you and Haruka-senpai have tied again, Rin-san."

"Mild luck is better than half luck." He mutters in response. Haruka gives Rin a pointed look that has Rei laughing while Rin gripes, glaring at the two of them.

While Makoto tries to placate him, Rei grabs his own slip and unfolds it carefully, surprised when 'Good Luck' begins to show. On the few occasions he had gone to a shrine and pulled a fortune on New Years, he had rarely gotten better than 'Normal Luck'. Though, once he had gotten 'Bad Luck' and spent the entirety of the day finding out how to get rid of it; even if he didn't truly believe a simple slip of paper could control his fate for a year, it was best to be thorough.

Nagisa looks over his shoulder the best he can, meaning he jumps and nearly knocks Rei over, a loud, "Oooohhh, lucky Rei-chan!" before going to grab his own.

Rin stares at him. Rei half-smiles, and with a shrug, Rin glances at him one more time before turning towards Nagisa, or rather, the racket Nagisa is making.

"Aww man! I only got 'Normal Luck' this year!" He waves the slip around in the air.

Rei pushes his glasses up, a wide grin on his face. "It seems that Makoto-senpai and I will have the most success this year."

Nagisa sticks his tongue out at him, while Haruka turns his head to the side, a little sullen. Rin mutters, "Yeah, keep bragging," but there's the beginnings of a grin that Rei has learned to associate with an ill-mannered comment. "I'll still be better at butterfly this year."

"Rin-san," Adjusting his glasses, letting the sun slant off them, Rei says, "with the progress I'm making, you'll soon be wrong about that, if my calculations are correct. I just have to maintain a steady time increase of three or so percent, and by the end of this year, I should at least be able to match you occasionally."

(All right, so it's also sort of impossible to maintain such an increase. Rei is certain he'll manage if he practices enough.)

Rin opens his mouth to answer, eyes gleaming, but Makoto intercepts him and says that it's time for him and Haruka to go.

"I promised my parents and the twins I'd be back soon to eat with them, and Haru has to go see his parents this weekend, so he's taking the train before it gets late."

A loud whine comes from Nagisa. "Aw, Haru-chan won't be around for the weekend? That's so lame! I wanted to hang out with Haru-chan!"

Haruka shrugs, even as Nagisa bullies him, head rubbing against his arm. Rei hovers around him, trying to get him to stop, but he just glares at Rei with a pout and keeps going.

"Sorry. They said they wanted me to eat the first meal of the year with them." He tries to pull his arm out of Nagisa's grasp before he glances at Makoto, who half-sighs, rolling his eyes at Nagisa as he gently pries him off of Haruka's arm. Rei wonders if Makoto's siblings have done that to Haruka as well, the action looks almost too well practiced.

"He has to go see his parents every once and a while, Nagisa."

"I know, but--!" A cheerful tone begins to play, and Nagisa stops mid-sentence, fishing his phone out from one of his pockets.

"Hello!...What?" He frowns. "What do you mean I have to come home, what is it...Noodles? Don't just-- hey! Why-- Ugh!" He hangs up the phone, frowning wider than before. "I have to go! My sisters just called."

"What's the matter?"

"I don't know, probably nothing." He waves his hand in the air, dismissing the worry on Makoto's face. "They always make a big fuss on holidays...And I _told_ them I was going to be with friends this year! Ugh...How annoying!" He pouts again, cheeks puffing up. "I've got to go to the trains soon, if I don't hurry, they're going to nag me."

Rei gestures to himself and Rin. "We can come with you to the station, if you want. We can see Makoto-senpai and Haruka-senpai off as well that way."

"Oi, I never said I would come!"

Rei huffs, narrowing his eyes at Rin, who crosses his arms and glares defiantly in response.

"Fine. Then I could see you all off, and Rin-san could do whatever he wishes here." He pauses. "Alone."

"No, it's okay." Nagisa says just as Makoto insists, "You don't have to."

"I don't wanna leave Rin-chan all by himself!" Nagisa says, and Rin starts to sputter, "I'd be _fine_ \--"

"Rei, you should keep Rin company." Makoto smiles, and Rin only glares at him, not even full force. "It'd be a little sad for him to walk around alone."

"We're not _five,_ Makoto. It's not like I'd get lost."

"Sorry, sorry." Makoto smiles a little wider when Rin glares at him, a teasing grin on his face. "I didn't mean for it to sound like that. It's just..."

"Makoto, the time."

"Ah! You're right Haru, we've really got to go now." Haruka nods goodbye, and Makoto waves. "We'll see you guys soon!"

Nagisa runs after them. "I'll follow you guys! Haru-chan is taking the train too, so at least I'll be with him for a little while!"

Soon enough, Rin and Rei are stranded alone at the shrine, standing next to each other in awkward silence and heavy coats. Rei ponders over the right course of action. He considers Rin a friend now (a tentative one, but a friend indeed), but it's usually the four or five of them together, not just the two of them. There have only been a few instances of such, the most recent being the train station a few months ago.

The previous times don't even count, considering their relationship before the tournament had been strained, to say the least. Rei fidgets. What is he supposed to talk about, in this situation? Is there an appropriate topic? Something they have in common would be best, according to what he's read, but...

 _What does Rin-san even like to do?_ Rei wonders. _Besides swimming?_

Admittedly, they could just talk about swimming. It'd certainly take a lot of time to wear the topic out, but Rei finds himself curious as to what else Rin does. Does he do anything else? Or is he like Haruka, constantly focused on swimming alone?

"...You wanna eat?"

His train of thought breaks apart. "Huh?" 

Rin sighs, rather dramatically, in Rei's opinion. "I said, you wanna eat something?"

"Er, that would be fine, yes."

"All right." He starts to move, and Rei follows, unsure of where they're going. There's not much around, but Rin leads him through the shrine pathways to a path with a bunch of vendor stalls. The smell of noodles and spices waft over him as Rin stops at a particular stand.

"Do you like spicy food?"

"I don't have a like or dislike of it. Spices are good for the stomach, and--"

"Please don't start talking about the 'nutritional benefits' or whatever of spicy food. Please."

"But it's important to be aware of their pros and cons!" 

Rin ignores him. "One for me please."

He frowns, sulky, but doesn't insist any further, just shakes his head. _Why doesn't anyone care about these things?!_

"One for me as well, please."

They pay in turn, and as Rei counts his change carefully, he realizes,

"I still haven't payed you back."

For a moment, Rin doesn't seem to know what he's referring to. It's only after he takes a good look at Rei and sees the change in his hand that he grins, saying, "You haven't. What a surprise. I thought you were more reliable than that."

He says so playfully, but Rei takes it to heart nonetheless.

"Hold on."

Rin waves a hand.

"You know, I was kidding about paying me ba-- Hey, where are you going?!"

Rei bolts off towards a vendor, one selling drinks, and returns with two bottles of tea in his hand and an almost empty wallet. He hadn't brought much with him in the first place, determined to save more this year. Swimming supplies had taken quite a bite out of his savings, after all, and he had books to buy, things to study.

"There, now I've payed you back properly, plus some interest."

He's proud of himself, if he may say so. The plus interest is his own pride working, but it's important to maintain commitments, no matter what kind.  _It's bad form to be late, even with something so trivial._

Rin gives him a look, the middle area between his eyebrows wrinkling before his sighs a long sigh.

"It wasn't that big of a deal." Rin takes the tea, leaning against a guard rail, unscrewing the cap. "I didn't really care."

"But you insisted on being repayed for quite some time." 

"I only did that because-- Nevermind." Rin huffs and takes a sip. "It doesn't matter. Thanks, I guess."

A theory makes its way into Rei's head, carefully wrapping itself together. He can't help but think it through, that's how he works, a hypothesis taking shape along with pieces of evidence on why Rin had been so insistent at the time. Certainly, it could have just been more prevalent on his mind at the time, but...

_Theory: Rin-san tried to use a debt to keep my mind of of Nagisa-kun._

_Evidence:_   
_1\. Rin-san uses strange ways to help others._   
_a. A race._   
_b. Shoving my face into a futon._   
_2\. Rin-san is awkward with kindness._   
_a. His speech at the station._   
_b. His reaction to my appreciation._   
_3\. Rin-san does not like to reveal his soft side._   
_a. Experience._

Rei chuckles. He's certain he's figured it all out.

"Ah, I see, Rin-san."

"What?" Rin mutters, mumbles really.

"What an odd person."

"I have no idea what you're going on about."

Sipping his tea, Rei smiles.

"It's fine. I've successfully overcome my previous feelings for Nagisa-kun, so there's no need to continue using strange methods to distract me."

Rei doesn't feel the need to keep track of how long it's been since that time. He considers that the best indicator that he no longer harbors a stronger than platonic feeling for Nagisa, the fact that he doesn't care nearly as much as he had when he'd just been rejected.

Rin starts coughing, choking on his tea. "You-- What?! How is that even related to our conversation?!"

"You were constantly trying to keep my mind busy with something else at the time, weren't you?" Rei laughs, head held high, proud of his own deduction. "I highly doubt I'm wrong about this, Rin-san. As far as I know you, I'm certain I'm at least seventy-six-point-four percent correct with my guess."

"I'm at least one hundred percent sure that you're fucking crazy."

"No need to be rude. Your kindness has always been much appreciated, though," Rei can't help the cheeky grin, "you should improve your approach."

Rin punches him in the arm. They bicker for at least five minutes, "I was complimenting you! Your manners are terrible!", "What kind of compliment was that?! You can't compliment anyone for shit!", "Well you're not much better, honestly! Do you ever compliment anyone at all?!", "Of- of course I do!", "Well I bet you should improve your approach with that as well!", "Shut up! You need to improve your approach to everything!", "Rin- _san!_ That is incredibly rude!"

 _It's so easy,_ Rei thinks as they catch their breath, _to get strung along by Rin-san._ Sort of like Nagisa, except instead of being forcibly dragged at first, he falls into his trap on accident, tripping over how awkward and aggravating and troublesome( _so very troublesome_ ) he is.

Though, when he thinks about it, he can't stop getting trapped by others. The whole of the swim team has roped him into things at least once or twice, and Rei sighs at his train of thought before a laugh from his side takes his attention. It's cheerful, and surprisingly child-like, but the tone is low.

Rei gapes as Rin laughs. It's incredibly rude of him, but Rin's laugh has a stunning effect up close, especially this laugh that seems so...Free, that's the only word Rei can find for it, the way his grin lights up his entire face, eyes crinkling near the corners.

"I can't believe we just argued about something that stupid." Rin throws out his noodle container, having somehow finished his food in between their argument, and claps him on the back. "Come on, let's look around or something. My mom doesn't get home until later anyways."

Rei throws out his container as well, the noodles a little too spicy for him to finish. "And you just assume I've got plenty of time as well?"

"Well you do, don't you?" Rin grins a little grin, and Rei doesn't find his teeth as intimidating as before. "That's why you're here instead of on the train already."

"I- Er." Rei pushes his glasses up and sighs with a smile, defeated. "I suppose I have a sufficient amount of time to spend, yes."

Actually, his parents won't be home until dinner, and his brother will probably be just as late, but he doesn't say that. He probably would've stayed even if his family was going to be home earlier. Friendship is demanding like that.

"Then come on."

They wander down the path where more vendors are, some selling food, some selling memorabilia, knick-knacks and charms for the new year. Nothing really catches his eye as they walk, but Rin stops at a stand and reaches for something rather girlish, a bookmark with a sakura petal design. The metal is a very light silver-pink, and Rei finds it pretty, to be honest, but not something very...Rin-like.

"Are you getting it for Gou-san?"

Rin nods once, turning it over, where the engravings branch out, carefully cut indents.

"It's quite beautiful. I'm sure she'll like it."

"Mmhmm." Rin answers, and then picks up another charm, one that catches Rei's eye immediately. It's a deep purple color, and written on it is _health, fortune_. There's an intricate butterfly on a branch crawling up the fabric, done in mixture of gold and white.

"That one is nice." Rei adjusts his glasses, leaning a little closer. "The mixture of white and gold is stunning."

Rin doesn't answer, turning it over to look at the other side, where the pattern continues with flowers across the back, camellias, it looks like. Rei reaches for one in the stack, completely enamored, looking it over closely. They're perfectly sewn in, one delicate stitch after another forming gold and white camellias, Rei is certain there's machinery behind the perfection. He turns it over in his hand again, examining the butterfly, its wings half open.

It's quite beautiful, but he lacks the funds. He turns it over once more before carefully putting it back on the stack, making sure it aligns properly. It's a pity, and he's disappointed, but there's nothing to be done.

"Oi, Rei. Hurry up."

Rin has somehow drifted from his side to further down the path, and Rei hurries over, not wanting to be left behind. He doesn't know this shrine very well, after all.

"Did you get anything?"

"I got the bookmark." He waves a small bag at Rei. 

"Ah. I'm sure she'll like it."

"I hope so." 

The stalls begin to thin out, and then Rin turns and walks down a small path. As far as Rei can see, there isn't anything of note nearby. It's just a simple side street that, if he looks further down, leads back into the main part of the shrine after a short walk.

They get about a quarter way in when Rin stops walking. Rei opens his mouth to ask why they're in this little street in the first place, but the words die in his throat.

In Rin's hand is the charm. He turns his head away.

"Since I didn't give you anything for your birthday or Christmas."

"But--" Rei's voice nearly cracks, he swallows it down at the last minute, "I thought you only bought the bookmark."

"I never said that."

Rin pushes the charm towards him, right into his chest, but without a lot of force. Rei stares at his hand, bewildered.

"But--"

"Don't make such a big deal out of it." Rin says, head still turned. "I owe you anyways, and we're...Friends. Yeah. It only makes sense that I'd give you something."

"But, for my birthday and for Christmas, didn't we all--"

"Geesh, just take the damn thing!" Rin snarls, and Rei takes the charm from his hand in a panic, nearly dropping it twice before getting a firm grip on it.

He's not sure what he's supposed to say in this kind of situation. He's not even sure why Rin got it for him. He's happy, yes, but there's no reason for Rin to have given him the charm in the first place, and he can't just accept something out of nowhere.

"Rin-san--"

"Don't ask!" Rin snaps, baring his teeth before turning his head again. "Just...Just take it."

"...You realize I can't accept something without giving just as much in return." He sounds too stiff.

"You've already done enough for me." 

A murmur.

"More than enough."

Rei knows what he's referring to, in that second, knows exactly _when_ he's referring to, but it's insignificant, now. Giving up his spot in the relay had been necessary, that was all, he'd known deep within himself that he would have to do it for the team. He was glad he did.

They'd never spoken about it, it had never come up really, the opportunity to say something had slipped away in time.

Rei looks at the charm in his hands and suddenly thinks that he doesn't deserve all that Rin has done for him, all that Rin has been doing.

Yes, he had caused him, all of them really, a lot of strife. Rei doesn't deny that at all, will bring up on occasion how much trouble Rin constantly is. But, if Rei thinks about it, Rin causing all that trouble had given him the opportunity to meet them all, to experience what it was like to swim in a relay, to appreciate swimming as a form of art he can achieve. He's not wholly at fault for anything Rei could blame him for, even though Rei had felt like he was, he can't say that now. He doesn't want to blame him for anything, he looks down at the glittering gold and white and thinks that what's done is done. He never did it for him, Rin has it all wrong.

"I haven't done anything for you." Rei says, because it's the truth. It had all been for the team.

"You have, so shut up and take it and don't talk to me about it."

Rin looks up, determined not to face Rei directly, eyes looking behind him rather than at him. "Don't ever tell anyone about this or I'll kill you."

It's just a charm, just fabric and paper and string, but the weight of it in his hands gets a little heavier, like it's absorbing all the things Rin doesn't say. Rei nods. He wants to argue, maybe he will later, but right now he'd rather savor the beauty of the moment, the rush of wind that can't steal the heat in his cheeks, nor the warmth that he feels spreading through his chest, happiness, embarrassment.

They stay quiet for a while, standing in the small side path, not looking at each other.

"...I think I should go home." Rei murmurs, looking at his watch. "My parents will be back soon."

"Yeah."

They walk towards the station in silence. Rei swears there's a burning feeling against his leg where the charm rests in his pocket, even though logistically that isn't possible.

"...I hope Gou is already home." Rin looks up at the sun-setting sky. "It's getting dark."

"I'm sure she is. She's very sensible."

On the train, they sit close to each other and Rei almost falls asleep, except the burning feeling in his pocket keeps him awake, a little nervous, a little shy.

It's a quiet ride the whole way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey I finally got around to updating would you look at that  
> Soon the makoharufest is going to start, so this fic may get a backburner as I aggressively provide more for my..."Main" free! ship, I guess. I'll still update though, no doubt about it, now we're getting to the fun parts.
> 
> Speaking of fun parts, my heart hurt when I wrote this one. Clumsy kids...!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated."

Here he was, wasting the last day of his New Years break digging through a bookstore for last minute supplies and required reading texts. 

(And maybe another book on motivation, and maybe one on how to be a good friend to people you were kind of horrible towards. Maybe. Probably.)

Rin sighs, walking through the aisles, barely managing to fit in the cramped spaces between shelves. It's a relatively small store, but they're cheaper than the bigger one near the mall, and besides, they usually have what he needs.

(The bigger store is cramped with people all the time, he can't spare a second to stop and look at the book spines without someone trying to get past him. He prefers this, the mild hustle and bustle of bookworms, broke college students, and part-time employees who leave him be. There's never more then ten people in the store at a time, and Rin thinks with a wry smile that they probably couldn't fit any more than ten people inside in the first place.

It's better though, as a small nook and cranny shop, a place where he can go when he really needs the downtime.)

He bends down to check the books on the lower shelves, ones with titles like _Motivate Yourself: A Guide To Self-Discipline_ and _Take Control of Your Life!._

_Not yet. Get the school stuff first._

Sighing, he rises, a small ache in his legs from the run to the store. He gives the shelf a vaguely forlorn look, adding the costs up, wondering if he'll be able to buy at least one of them after he gets the school supplies he needs. They're...Helpful, as much as he doesn't like to admit it, the only problem is finding enough space to hide them from Nitori, who probably already knows about them anyways because he reads them in plain sight but...There's a difference between being seen reading them and having them be seen.

(They're all stored in his desk drawer, the lowest one to the right since that's the only place they'll fit that's not a shelf. There are only two books about self motivation sitting there, which probably is enough, but it's good to have options, and reading them fresh makes the words stick in his head. Alternative perspectives and all that.)

"Rin-san?"

He blinks and straightens upright, turning his head so fast he feels a faint whiplash. A part of him relaxes when he realizes he's looking at Rei and not some random acquaintance from the swim team, the rest of him tries to pretend he wasn't looking at motivational books because that would make him look horribly pathetic.

Okay, maybe not horribly pathetic. But it doesn't make him look _good,_ or respectable or cool, which is just as bad. It'd be different if he was looking at the swimming books or something, Rei would respect that, would maybe ask which ones were good or bad or whatever, but motivational ones? _How To Improve The Quality of Your Life_? _Breathing Easy: A Guide to Self Control_?

(He can almost hear the slap of a label onto his forehead, 'Lame as Hell, Needs Counseling'. Or alternately, a raised eyebrow and a smug smile, neither idea is a desireable option.)

"Rei? What are you doing here?"

"I usually spend my weekends here." He half shrugs, and Rin zeros in on the books under his arm, almost too many for Rei to carry easily. "It's peaceful, and the atmosphere is pleasant. But why are you here, Rin-san?"

"School stuff." Before Rei asks any further, he asks, "What books are those?"

"These? Physics, mostly, and psychology, and then I was going to get another book on swimming, and there was one I wanted to look at on group dynamics...And ah, I need to get a book for literature." He looks down at the books with a frown. "I'll probably put a few of these back, given that I don't have enough money for all of them, but they're all incredibly compelling..."

Rei is a rambler. This is the first thing Rin learns and yet always seems to forget about Rei, that he can go off on the longest tangents about pretty much anything, anywhere. He's starting to get a sense of when they're going to happen, and right now he can feel one coming.

"Rei."

"...I really don't know much about how neurons..."

"Rei!"

He flinches, then looks at Rin with something like resentment, messing with his glasses. _He does that a lot. Wonder if his frames are bad or something._

"Geesh, you never quit, do you?"

He almost says 'you never shut up', but it stays on the edge of his tongue and goes into his tone instead. Rei huffs at the accusation.

"I had assumed you wanted me to explain, is all."

"I didn't." Rei gives him a dirty look.

"I know that now." He turns towards the shelves, frowning. "I'm sorry for bothering you."

_Great, now I've made him mad._

He hadn't meant to sound rude, but, honestly, that probably hadn't been the best thing to say. 

"So, you wanna go look through the fiction or something?" He scratches the back of neck, feeling awkward. "I've gotta get some books for lit too."

Rei's look of surprise is mildly insulting. There's a flash of panic as Rin thinks of him saying no, declining and turning away and suddenly his thoughts are turning right and left and any way they can, until they end at the idea that Rei will have given up on knowing him as he is now.

(There's no past Rin that Rei can compare him to, and the thought is comforting in some ways, the idea that there's no first impression that's better than the second. In other ways though, it's nerve-wracking, the idea that Rei's impression of him is dependent on this person he's become. Rin insists it's because he's grown up that he's closed off, but he knows his flaws better than anyone else, knows that he'll never quite be the same as before, never be so friendly.

And yet Rei has opened doors for him, let him see what he'd been missing, what he'd lost, and Rin had only--

\--He needs to stop thinking about it. Something in his chest tightens when he thinks too much about those few weeks in the past, angry, frustrated, lost. Relieved. Overwhelmingly thankful that Rei is a better person, a less petty person.

 _Thinking about this is embarrassing._ )

"I wouldn't mind, I suppose-- Rin-san, the fiction is that way!"

Rin marches away, willing the emotions away as best as he can. He is not going to start crying or whatever in a bookstore, especially not around Rei.

"We can get to them this way too."

"But that way would be more efficient!"

"This way passes by the swimming books though."  
  
Rei makes a strangled sound. Rin grins when he hears footsteps follow him through the shelves, the sound of Rei muttering under his breath about time and efficiency and really, does he ever stop once he gets started? Does he talk this much to everyone?

Rin can't help it. Teasing him is way too fun, and he's overdue for some anyways. He's been playing too nice with Rei lately, trying to make sure he's on his good side.

(Good side meaning he wants to be his friend. Rin isn't good with being honest about these things, not that he'll ever admit it to himself except for in the back of his mind.)

"Rei. Has anyone ever told you that you talk a lot?"

"What--"

"I mean, you've been talking nonstop since we started walking. And I know this store isn't that big, but it takes longer than a minute to get from end to end."

"Wha--"

"You've been muttering for a while, is all." He shrugs, not looking at him, trying not to smile. "You could talk to, I don't know, me instead of yourself? And not look crazy?"

Rei gapes at him, mouth opening and closing. He looks incredibly indignant, red in the face, and Rin gives him a sly smile. The back of his mind prays that Rei won't leave in a huff.

It takes a few seconds before he manages to speak, saying, "Well I had thought you didn't want me to speak to you after you were incredibly rude about my explanation as to why I was here! I thought I may have intruded into your plans! But then you asked if I wished to come along with you, and I didn't know whether it was all right to speak to you or not! And, just to let you know, it's a habit of mine to explain as clearly as possible what my intentions are, as they often are misunderstood, that's the only reason I kept speaking after you asked me about the books I have!"

"Okay, okay, calm down." Rin stops, bending down to examine the small section with the label 'sports-swimming'. A rather unsure feeling settles into him, he hadn't meant to hit a sore spot, but with the way Rei had spoken, he probably had. Though, his reaction had almost been perfect otherwise.

"You can talk to me." He gives him a look. "Except you have to actually let me talk back."

Rei makes a face that looks like a pout and Rin almost starts laughing.

"That was my intention." He says, bending down next to Rin. It's somewhat cramped, with the two of them bending to look at the books, but it's not unbearable. Rin scans the spines for something he hasn't read that looks relatively decent.

Rei reaches for one in between them. "This...Rin-san, is this the same book as the one you lent me?"

A quick glance at the cover to confirm. "Yeah."

Rei starts to pull it out of the shelf. "Fantastic."

"Hey, you could just borrow my copy again."

"Yes, but then I'd have to return it to you." It's midway off the shelf. "This way I can make my own notes."

"I'll give it to you then. I've read it a lot anyways."

He doesn't anticipate the wide-eyed stare he receives, nor the, "Eh?"

"Why do you sound so surprised?" Rin mutters. Rei's stare is unnerving, and now he's starting to feel flustered. "What is it? Don't want a beat up copy?"

Rei turns his head towards the shelf, and Rin notes that his ears are turning red. The silence is really, really awkward, and Rin frowns, unsure of what to do. Was it something he said? There was nothing offensive about offering to give someone a book, at least, he was pretty sure there wasn't anything offensive about it. Maybe he had misunderstood something? But it wasn't hard to understand the idea of Rin giving him a book, was it?

He mumbles, "You don't have to keep giving me things, Rin-san." 

"You've...I mean...I've already wholeheartedly accepted your apology and all that you've done."

He says the rest hurriedly, as if he can't bear to continue, ducking his head. The sudden understanding smacks Rin in the face and leaves him stunned and more than a little embarrassed, he feels the flush creeping up on his neck, curling through his insides.

It had just been an offhand suggestion! He hadn't-- It wasn't like the shrine thing! Geesh, he hadn't planned on ever being reminded of that in the first place!

"I-- No! That's-- I'm just trying to stop you from spending more money, this isn't-- Nevermind! Just buy the damn thing!" He rises quickly. "I'm going to look for my lit books."

"Wait, Rin-san, hold on!" Rei follows behind him again. Rin keeps his head low, cheeks burning. He had to bring that up, didn't he, couldn't have just let Rin apologize and get it all done and over with without ever mentioning it again. 

He nearly hits a shelf face first, turning at just the right time, Rei hot on his heels. They weave in and out of the shelves at a hurried pace; he nearly knocks over an employee on the way towards the fiction section, muttering a quiet 'sorry' before he skids to a stop at the shelves, Rei right behind him.

They don't say anything. Rin stares at the shelf as hard as he can, pretending to look for what he needs, but he can't even remember the titles of the books he was supposed to get, his mind is occupied with being angrily embarrassed over Rei, and his stupid embarrassed face, and why had Rei been embarrassed anyways, what did he even think of that charm, it was just a simple thing, there's no reason for either of them to be so flustered over it!

"Er, Rin-san," Rei tries, cautious. "What are you looking for?"

"Something." He mutters. "Can't remember the titles thanks to you."

"I'm...Sorry?" Rei says, sounding confused. Rin starts to really look at the books, hoping that a word will pop out at him and he'll remember what he needs, and maybe his embarrassment will end there. "But what else was I supposed to think, after your confession at the shrine?"

"Confession?!"

"Admission, then! That's not the point! How else was I supposed to interpret it?!"

"Like, I don't know," He gripes, looking at a lower shelf, "A friend offering you a book?"

There's a vague noise that sounds like he's being strangled from Rei. Rin is almost certain that this conversation is over, hopes to hell and back that it is so he can forget about that whole thing all over again.

"But, with the previous instances, it would only be natural to assume that you were continuing with unnecessary apologies!"

"Can you stop mentioning it?!" Rin almost slams his hand on the bookshelf, manages to keep the power out of it so it only taps against the wood. "It was a one time thing! One time! Don't make it even more embarrassing than it was! It was just a charm! You don't even have to carry it around, I won't care if you never even look at it, that's how unimportant it is!"

"But it has an important meaning! And of course I'm carrying it with me, it's very--AGH!"

Rin looks away from the shelf to see Rei's face turn completely red, and he'd laugh, definitely, but right now he feels like he's mirroring him, attention torn between the shaking of his fingertips and the flush on his face. Rei's sputtering doesn't help.

"You have it with you?! What the hell?!"

Somewhere, the sensible part of his mind reminds him that charms are meant to be carried. The rest of him drowns that part out through sheer embarrassment and delight, the delight causing more embarrassment, and it's this terrible, horrible cycle of happiness and embarrassment rolling around his insides. He can't believe Rei took it so seriously. He can't believe he'd willingly carry that gaudy thing around, even if he did say he found it 'beautiful' or whatever. There is absolutely nothing about this situation that Rin doesn't find embarrassing, especially how pleased he is on the inside that Rei really took what he said to heart.

"I-- I merely thought that I should use it as intended!" He gets a little loud, but his voice goes quiet again after an employee shoots them a look. "A-After all, it...It's..." He mumbles, "Very important to me..."

"Stop. Please. Please stop." Rin runs a hand through his hair, trying to cover his face, overwhelmed by every emotion that's decided to pass through his chest. "I-- I get it. I'm glad you're using it-- N-not that it really matters! It was just a stupid gift since, you, and the team, and all of that...stuff..."

He trails off, unable to continue, knowing, just knowing that he'll embarrass the both of them further if he keeps talking.

They stand there, flushed and unmoving, looking at the shelves with an overly engaged focus that only happens when two people don't know what to say.

Rei moves to grab a book, stiff-armed and fumbling as he pulls it off the shelf with too much force. His voice seems an octave higher when he says, "It's been very good seeing you Rin-san but I have to go so goodbye!", the words coming so fast that they barely manage to sound right, cracking at least once. He practically runs out of the aisle, Rin watches from the corner of his eye as Rei's shoes disappear.

With a sigh, he sinks down towards the floor with his head in his hands. That had been so embarrassing, so incredibly embarrassing, and he was getting more embarrassed just thinking about it, and why had it been that way anyways? It would only make sense for Rei to carry the damn thing around, after all, that was the whole point of a charm, right?! To carry?! Why had he been so embarrassed about it?! What was Rei's problem even?!

_"Very important to me..."_

Rin feels the heat under his hands on his cheeks. So that's what he'd thought of it? He cared that much?

(Something in his chest feels warm and almost sickeningly happy that Rei _cares_ , cares about his feelings and his guilt and all of that ridiculous, should-be-under-the-rug stuff. It feels more like his apology is truly accepted, having heard Rei say he carries it with him, carries his remorse like a reminder that he's sorry and that 'thank you so much'.

But this is ridiculous.)

(What's the worst is that all the way home, through his run and the train ride and even as he flops into bed, Nitori's cheerful, "Senpai, welcome back!" in the background, that warm feeling doesn't leave. It intensifies, if anything, when he thinks about how Rei looked when he said it, and he goes to bed early because he must be getting sick, he's so goddamn warm.)

(He hadn't bought either of the motivational books. But there's a copy of a book he already has sitting in his bag.

He'll give Rei the beat up one.)

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I  
> I really don't have much to say I should avoid writing Rin he's hard for me  
> How to romance, geesh, these guys are terrible with feelings


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The more you overthink the less you will understand."

Within the two weeks they don't see each other, Rin is on Rei's mind much too often.

When he looks at his bookshelf, he thinks of the incident at the bookstore, when he looks at his backpack, he thinks of the charm inside his wallet, even when he goes to the fridge to get a drink, if it's tea and at night, Rin will come to mind. It's like Rin has a vice-grip on his subconscious, his teeth have sunk in, metaphorically speaking. Rei can't get away from him. If he were to guess at the numbers, sixty percent of the time, Rin worms his way into his thoughts. Sixty percent of the time he's awake, he thinks of Rin. He hasn't gone to the bookstore since then, and yet the moments are still fresh in his mind.

It.

Is.

Unbearable. It is mind-twisting and intensely aggravating and worst of all, it is incredibly embarrassing. It is illogical. Rei can't function like this. The memories make his skin crawl, his spine tingle. He's debated texting Rin an apology for his assumption, but he always gets frustrated with the wording, and it was Rin's fault anyways, for getting so, so awkward!

There was no reason for them to have gotten so flustered! It didn't make any sense! It was, as Rin had said, just a charm! Just a simple charm of string and paper and probably polyester, but...It had an important meaning, no matter what either of them said of it, he knew. Rei mulls over the moment again, even if Rin had said that he didn't care, the look on his face when Rei had accidentally admitted to carrying it -- he had looked so relieved that Rei hadn't regretted saying so. Even now, he doesn't regret saying so, though, he wishes they could have come out in a better way. A more beautiful way, instead of that awkward and tense moment, and really, why had Rin been so insistent on giving him a book anyways--

_\--Wait. I'm doing it again._

He forces himself back to the lesson, the lecture. English. Something about verbs and sentence structure. Notes. He copies down the words on the board, trying to understand what he's looking at. _Rin-san would probably know if I asked, Australians speak English--_ And there Rin is again, popping up unwanted.

"Stop that." He mutters, pushing his pencil down, a dark mark left behind on the page. He taps his pencil against his notebook, thud after thud as he tries to block Rin out from his thoughts.

The person sitting next to him glances his way.

"Ryuugazaki-kun? You okay?" They whisper, looking concerned.

Rei nods, letting the pencil thud once more before stilling. He must be acting incredibly odd to have a classmate mention it.

A light guilt washes over him. He'd worried a classmate, and he hadn't been paying attention to the teacher, and he has got to stop! Thinking about all of this! He'll see Rin soon, after all, swim practice is today, and it's a joint session, so...!

He grips his pencil firmly and begins to write his notes, mentally rearranging his thoughts, school first, class first, Rin last.

* * *

"Woohoo! Joint practice! And we even get to go to Samezuka this time!" Nagisa grins, on hand gripping onto the rail, the other doing a mild fist pump. "Nice going, Mako-chan, Gou-chan!"

Makoto smiles at his enthusiasm. "Gou-chan and I agreed that it'd be better for us to do swim practice at Samezuka, seeing as it's still so chilly outside."

"I think that's a wise decision, Makoto-senpai." Rei adjusts his glasses. "We still get training in the water, and we get land training as well."

"Yeah, it's a good thing that Gou-chan can appeal to-- Ow! That hurt, Gou-chan!"

"What were you going to say?!"

"N-Nothing! Nothing at all, hahahaha."

Rei smiles fondly at the scene before turning to look out the window, drifting in thought.

_We'll probably practice while mixing with Samezuka's team...I should practice with some of the other swimmers as well, to get a wider perspective._

_Haruka-senpai might race Rin-san again. I wonder if I should challenge him to a race this time..._

_He'll beat me though, no doubt, I haven't improved nearly enough to match his times. Yet._

It's a little exciting, to be honest, most of their joint practices are at Iwatobi, and rarely do they see the full Samezuka team. There aren't many butterfly swimmers in the first place that come to their joint sessions, and he's eager to see different techniques.

(Plus, maybe it'll keep Rin off his mind. The last thing he needs is to get flustered and be unable to practice properly. Swimming is the best way to get it off his mind! Exercise eases the nerves! He'll have forgotten about all of it by the end of the practice, he's sure!)

"Rei, come on." A light tap against his right shoulder.

"Huh? Ah, right, I'm sorry for not paying attention, Haruka-senpai."

Haruka pauses, giving him what looks like a passing glance, but Rei notes the concern in his voice when he asks, "...Are you okay?"

"Why of course! Why wouldn't I be?"

"...No reason, I guess." He turns away, out the train door. Brow furrowed, Rei follows, wondering what he could have meant. It was rare for him to show his concern so openly. Haruka didn't know about anything that had happened recently, unless...

Maybe Rin had told him...? But that seemed unlikely, intuition told him so, and Nagisa hadn't slipped up since that one time at Makoto's house. At least, he hadn't to his knowledge, there was a slight possibility that Nagisa had slipped up at a time when he wasn't present, but he counted it as too slight to be significant.

_Maybe I really do look ill...? I'll have to be careful with my health._

They run the way to Samezuka as a warm-up. Rei has to admit that the Samezuka's pool is impressive to look at, it's bigger than the Iwatobi one by at least a meter, and designed in a way that suggests business, demands the best. Plenty of space, well lit. Perfect for serious training. The tile is well polished even.

The first time he had been here with the ability to swim, he and Rin had been on...Questionable terms, not that Rin had ever really given him an answer to his question. Or helped him with his swimming strokes. Or even with his...Admittedly childish dilemma about sea animals.

 _Did I really ask him that?_ He takes his glasses off, placing them in a locker. _Was that the only thing I could think of saying at the time?_

Truthfully, he had felt awkward when Rin had offered to teach him other strokes, had ended up saying whatever came to mind, but sea animals...?! How nervous had he been?!

"I won't embarrass myself again." He mutters before putting on his suit. Someone slaps him on the back and he jumps.

"Who-- Nagisa-kun, why would you--?!"

"Rei-chan, you looked tense! Too tense to swim!" He's already out the locker room door before Rei has a chance to scold him. "Hurry up! Mako-chan and Haru-chan are already swimming!"

With a sigh, Rei walks out, ignoring the urge to tell Nagisa for the possibly fiftieth time that there are better ways to get his attention than slapping him, or anyone, for that matter.

It seems like practice is already in full swing, with the Samezuka captain -- Mikoshiba-san, if he recalls correctly -- yelling at various swimmers on one end while Makoto takes the other half of the pool with a gentler approach. A flash of red hair -- really, it's more of a magenta color, Rei can't believe it's real, but his own isn't very realistic either, he has to note -- enters his line of sight, but he avoids looking, walking towards Makoto instead.

"Ah, Rei, good. You should go over there." Makoto gestures towards a few people he doesn't recognize. "They're using a butterfly focused training set. Everyone else doing butterfly is doing alternate stroke practice as well, so I figured you'd want to be over there."

"I got it." He wades over, waving as he goes. "Thank you, Makoto-senpai."

The first half of practice isn't bad at all, by his standards. The Samezuka students are friendly but focused, and only one of them remembers seeing him and his...Unfortunate dive last year. They race, watching each other, timing each other, Rei finds out that his kicks are in need of further improvement and a five degrees off dive is unusually common. One suggests upper arm training as well.

"Arm strength is important for butterfly, and even though you've got good arms, it's always good to keep training them." One says, tapping his own bicep. "Though, nobody on the team has better arms than Matsuoka. I'm damn jealous of the guy."

All three of the Samezuka students sigh in unison over him, shaking their heads. Rei can't help but be curious as to what they'll say, even though he wishes that he could avoid hearing about Rin now, of all times, just as he'd forgotten about him for a while.

"Don't even get me started on that guy."

"He's insane though. I mean his butterfly times on a good day? What is he doing the freestyle unit for? To show off? Is he tired of butterfly or something?"

He had known that Rin was good at swimming, had a beautiful form and time, but he hadn't expected others to openly praise him. Timidly, Rei asks, "Is he really...That impressive?"

"Your name is Ryuugazaki, right?" He nods. "Listen, Ryuugazaki, he's incredible. Sometimes. I mean, I guess most days we can match up to him, or even beat him, actually, but when he's like, in the zone? We can't keep up." He shakes his head. "It's not even fair. We don't know how he does it."

"Sucks that his looks are good too."

"Yeah, seriously. The effects of being a transfer student." One of them throws his arms up. "I'm so jealous. The guy doesn't even seem to have any bad days since that weird tournament last year. Why'd you Iwatobi guys let him swim with you anyways?"

"Er, that..."

"Hey, Yuuichi, don't ask stuff like that. Poor guy had his spot taken by him, after all."

"That's-- I don't mind." He pauses, "Anymore."

"Right." One says, but his tone is dubious. "Well, whatever. Back to swimming. Matsuoka might come over here later, but captain has been getting on his back about the freestyle and the medley that's coming up, so..."

* * *

The difference between Iwatobi and Samezuka is most easily noticed, Rei finds, in the lack of space in the locker room after practice. Every motion is at risk of bumping into someone, and he pays careful attention to his movements, but still, he almost elbows someone twice.

His towel falls to the floor when he reaches for his shirt. As he bends to get it, something, or rather, someone, hits him in the shoulder much too hard to be unintentional.

"Nagisa-kun, I've already told you today to stop hitting me--"

"Do I look like Nagisa to you?"

Gruff. Rei shoots up from the floor, towel forgotten in favor of staring at Rin in surprise. A light wave of nervousness washes over him, along with mild irritation, a number of things swirl around inside his gut.

"Rin-san? What are you--"

"This _is_ my school."

"I know that!" Rei huffs, tugging his shirt on. "I meant, why are you over here, unless your locker is over here, and why did you hit me?!"

"Had to get your attention somehow."

"Your methods are too abrasive!" He frowns, putting his glasses on. Rin shrugs.

"Whatever."

_He's already dressed, so what is he doing in here still?_

Rei glances at him before shoving his suit into his bag and grabbing his towel off the floor. Rin is quietly waiting for him, sitting on the bench, just watching, and it unnerves him, what is Rin waiting for? The exasperation is second to the curiosity, and he asks,

"What is it, Rin-san?"

"Where's the rest of the guys?"

"I'm not sure. I think Makoto-senpai was talking to your team captain though."

"He's never going to escape." Rin mutters, and Rei snorts, amused despite himself.

"Well, if you're just waiting for the rest of them, Nagisa is already outside, I think, since he entered the room at the same time as I did, but doesn't seem to be here anymore."

They look around, but the crowd is thinning, there are only a few people left changing, chatting. Rin nods.

"Haru?"

"I don't know where Haruka-senpai is, but," He pauses to think, "I would, based on typical habits, assume he's still in the showers."

"Is he a fish or something? Seriously."

"That's rude, Rin-san."

"Can't live without water for five minutes."

"Do you want something, Rin-san, or are you just going to continue distracting me while I try to get dressed?"

"You're almost done anyways."

"I would have been done faster if you hadn't been distracting me," He ties his tie smartly, checking the knot, "With inane conversation."

"Well sorry for talking to a friend."

Rei turns with a slight flush back towards his locker, pulling his jacket out. It's a little new, is all, being called a friend of Rin's, even if it's a reasonable assumption by now. Rin coughs.

"Anyways, listen, about..." He makes a vague gesture in the air, Rei sees from the corner of his eye, "The bookstore--"

He turns, whiplash making his hair brush into his eyes before he swipes it to the side, water dripping onto his glasses. "I apologize immensely for my assumptions given that now that I've looked back on them they did seem a tad narcissistic but--!"

"Shut up! I mean," He takes a breath, Rei takes a breath, they pause, staring at each other. The last couple of people glance over at them before walking towards the door. "I mean, can you just, let me talk first?"

"O-Of course. I apologize for cutting you off." Glasses in hand, he wipes them with the corner of his shirt before remembering that he has a cleaning cloth in the front pocket of his bag.

"It's fine." He mumbles, scratching the back of his neck. There's a pause before the next sentence, he seems to be waiting for everyone to be out the door, Rei notes.

"Anyways, I brought the book."

"Eh? But I told you--!"

"I know! And I told you that it wasn't like that! Geesh! I've read it already so many times, I could recite it to you!"

"Tell me what's on page seventy four then!"

"What?! Are you crazy?!"

"You just said you had it memorized!"

"I meant that as an exaggeration! And who pays attention to page numbers?!"

"I do!"

Rin stands and tries to glare him down, but Rei won't allow it, won't allow Rin to keep doing things like this. What kind of friendship, after all, is based on giving gifts? That sounds incredibly detrimental and somewhat insincere, and even though he knows that Rin has good intentions he cannot allow him to continue!

"Look, why won't you take it? I'm offering it for free! Logically speaking, isn't that a good deal?"

"Yes, it is, but I can't take it! It would be wrong of me to take it with any thought in my mind that you were trying to continue apologizing to me!"

"Haven't we already gone over this?!"

"Yes but," Rei finds himself against the lockers, Rin has a habit of cornering people, something the back of his mind makes a snide comment on, "I can't not think of it like that!"

"I just wanted to help you out, geesh!"

"But why?!" Rei half asks, half shouts, "Why would you want to help me like this, when you don't do this for anyone else?!"

Rin opens his mouth, closes it, and takes a step back. Rei stays against the lockers, but waits for an answer. Rin seems to be thinking, at the least, so maybe he'll finally understand what exactly Rei is trying to get across.

"...Okay. Look. What if I just lent you the book, but indefinitely?"

"Will you stop trying to give me it?!" Rei snaps, "And you're avoiding the question!"

"I," He's looking off to the side, and Rei finds it irritating. He had started this, after all, he had no right to try and escape from it now. "Like I said. I just wanna help you out. I mean, your stroke is pretty pitiful still."

"Rin-san, I really can help myself, in that case." He frowns deeply, narrowing his eyes, "Or do you pity me?"

"That's not it." Rin turns back to look at him, and they glare at each other. "It's hard to explain."

Rei looks at his watch. "I've got three or so hours until I have to be home, and the train only takes forty minutes. I believe that's sufficient time."

"Rei, seriously--!" Rin steps into his space again, Rei backs into the lockers. 

"...Am I interrupting something?"

"Haruka-senpai?"

"Haru?!"

He's fully dressed, almost, his jacket is in hand. Rin jumps away from Rei, and Rei moves towards the right, making some distance. Haruka's expression is akin to a raised eyebrow, and Makoto comes from the showers, shaking his head to dry off a little, "Rin, Mikoshiba-san talks a lot-- Hm? What were you two doing?"

"I was explaining to Rin-san why I couldn't take one of his books in good faith." The truth, but fairly limited. Rin glances at him before visibly sagging, muttering, "Yeah, I don't know why he won't take the damn thing off my hands."

"Rin, don't push Rei too much."

"Why are you taking his side?!"

"I'm not taking a side," Makoto says gently, "I know that you want to be friends with Rei. It's a suggestion."

"We're already friends!"

He looks like he's saying it more out of defiance than anything else, but Rei nods. "Don't worry about us, Makoto-senpai. Rin-san and I are friends now." He adjusts his glasses. "I just have to fully adjust to his abrasive personality."

"Why, you--!"

"Hey, hey, no fighting!"

"Guys, what's taking you so long?" Nagisa pops his head in, a pout on his face. "Even the Samezuka guys have left! I'm out here alone!"

"Come on." Haruka motions towards the door where Nagisa is standing. Rei follows, Rin as well, though he grumbles the way out. Makoto hurries after them, coat half on.

* * *

_New Message!_   
_From: Rin Matsuoka(RinRin!)_

_You free saturday?_

_To: Rin Matsuoka(RinRin!)_

_Yes, why?_

_New Message!  
From: Rin Matsuoka(RinRin!)_

_Wanna go running?_

_To: Rin Matsuoka(RinRin!)_

_While I suspect that isn't the true reason you're asking, yes, I'll go with you. Time?_

_New Message!  
From: Rin Matsuoka(RinRin!)_

_Noon._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ha ha wow I am sorry  
> I had no idea where I was going with this fic and then life kind of happened and. Chaos. But Rinrei week is soon(has it already started, I'm really terrible at these things), so I figured it was a good time to finish this chapter and update.
> 
> Transitional chapters ahoy! I've got the next bit sort of outlined, so, hopefully the next update will come sooner than this one did.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Right actions in the future are the best apologies for bad actions in the past."

It's approximately eleven fifteen in the afternoon, light wind, no snow, chilly, maybe twenty or less degrees in Fahrenheit, he measures that way for conversion practice.

Rei wanders around the train station as he waits for Rin to show, dressed in running-wear and then a little extra, it is winter still, even if swim practice makes him feel like it's already spring. Stepping out of the locker rooms into light snow will always be jarring, to say the least.

He had gotten here early, no doubt, but the trains ran certain schedules, and he had no other way of getting to the halfway point they had agreed to meet at besides the train. Rei scrolls through his messages again, just to check that he's at the right station, and yes, he's correct, as he knew he would be, because he checked five minutes ago.

He doesn't know why he's so on edge, to be honest. Rin had simply asked him if he wanted to go running, even though Rei already knows that it's more than that. Rin will give him an answer, or try to give him some kind of answer, for why he is so insistent on giving Rei a book that is nice but not a necessity, why he's so insistent on giving Rei anything. He will -- hopefully, Rei guesses at a percent, or tries to, but doesn't really succeed this time -- anyways, Rin will hopefully answer Rei's earlier question, about why Rin doesn't do these things for anyone else.

To touch the truth fully, Rei thinks with a clearer head than a few days ago, when he'd been fed up with his own thoughts, Rin doesn't do these things in the same volume as he does for Rei. He'll be kind to Haruka in small gestures, in little laughter or casual invitations to swim when he sees that Haruka isn't in perfect form, he'll be gentle with Makoto in a way that betrays his outer image, how he'll nudge and question, 'you okay with the beach?' before Haruka steps in and says, 'he's not five', not really to argue but to redirect the conversation. He'll ruffle Nagisa's hair in a way that could be, with simple inference, called an affectionate gesture, helping him with his stroke, biting out praise and criticism that Nagisa swallows up eagerly, because Haruka doesn't do it like Rin does, and Nagisa thrives on praise.

But he's just. Different, Rei notes, with him. He's different. Whether due to lack of history or some kind of sense of obligation or, the chances are nominally small but there, out of some kind of misplaced pity, Rin is different, with him. He's ornery and raucous and ridiculous to a fault, but also...Direct, or more direct, with his kindness towards Rei. Rin's kindness to Rei lacks the gruff subtlety he has with the others, usually. Rin doesn't do intentionally kind though, not for anyone else, and it irritates him. Rei doesn't want to be special, especially if it's because Rin feels obligated to feel that way.

Then again, he might just be like that with Rei because Rei dislikes his particular brand of 'subtle', which is usually more confusing than it should be. Subtlety doesn't work if it causes more chaos, or seems rude, and Rin is terrible at not being rude, Rei thinks with a huff, even when he's concerned. His actions cause too much confusion, they usually don't match up to what he means until well after damage has been done.

(Not all of that is true, really. Sometimes his roughness does correlate, Rei knows. There are plenty of instances of gruff subtlety that Rei has received, such as that one night so long ago at the train station that is starting to mentally blur in his mind, or at that sleepover they had at Makoto's.

But, there are also plenty of openly kind, sincere moments, where Rin hadn't hidden behind double meanings or had let those things get stripped away easily by Rei's demands, questions, where he'd admitted 'you've done more than enough', offered to listen, offered more than he does with anyone else in a way that is direct. Saying 'I'll give it to you' is different than 'I'll cream you at freestyle if you come over tomorrow to swim', there's a distinction to be made. Or maybe the line between gruff subtlety and sincerity is blurring because it's so easy to understand Rin, even when he's trying to be subtle, and it's easy to get the honest truth out of Rin if he asks. Why no one else asks baffles him.

They only share swimming theory and a swimming stroke, honestly, that's no base for why he understands Rin so well despite knowing him for so little.)

_Wait._

_Understands?_

Something doesn't settle well with him at the thought. Rin is complicated, and hard to understand, he's always thought so--

\--Except that, thinking back on it, he's not so hard to understand? In fact, Rei hasn't had much trouble since their first conversation?

He stops next to a vending machine feeling sort of like his entire world has tilted five degrees off(much like Rin's usual dive, he will insist), and pauses.

Rin is. Complicated, no doubt, but Rei understands his particular type of complicated extremely well, it seems. At least, recently, but...Even before, Rin only spoke to him a little and yet, was able to convey a little of what Rin had told him to the team, but how had he understood so well--

"Oi! Rei!"

 _On the dot,_ Rei notes, checking his watch. His thoughts rearrange to the present moment, the previous fading into the background of his head.

Rin is dressed appropriately, running sweats and a hoodie, and an extra coat along with that. He's drinking, ugh, soda, who drinks soda in the winter?

"Here."

He gently throws a can of the carbonated liquid in Rei's direction, and it's called 'Pocket Sweat' and Rei really doesn't understand how anyone can drink something called 'Sweat' in the first place, but he opens the can anyways. Before thinking about the thing Rin has with giving him things, which is why they're meeting like this, at least, he hopes that's the reason.

"It's just a cheap drink." Rin grumbles, noticing his hesitation, "If you want, pay me back later."

"Noted." He takes a sip. Typical, sweet with a hint of sour, lemon-lime taste. A little fruitier, maybe. He rarely drinks soda, so it's not like he has much data to work with.

"Let's go."

* * *

They run. Down out the station, towards a relatively beaten path. Rin seems to be comfortable with the area, running what looks to be an invisible path, so Rei chooses to follow, running half a step behind at a comfortable pace, waiting.

"I run here a lot. Nicer weather." A breath. "Plus, it gets boring running the same way around Samezuka all the time."

Privately, he doesn't think it's that different, but he does admit that the change of scenery is mildly refreshing.

"It is nice. But Rin-san--"

"--I know, I know. Geesh, you're impatient."

"I am not." He says it more petulantly than he'd meant. "I just want answers. And to stop you from your constant gifting, and--"

"--I got it, so shut up and run for a little longer. We're almost there anyways."

"Where?" Rin doesn't answer, just keeps running. "Rin-san!"

Rei follows though, down into a more crowded path, where there are stores and restaurants. Rin slows to a walk.

He motions to a small cafe. "We can talk in here."

Curiosity wins priority. "Do you come here that often?"

"I come here on weekends sometimes."

While they had been running, Rei had gotten the sense that Rin had been thinking, trying to organize his thoughts with a flat expression, and so he had respected that. Now, as they sit in a small booth, Rin seems to still be thinking, but Rei anticipates that the information he wants will come soon.

They sip water in silence, Rei fiddles with the menu.

_Is Rin-san going to speak first, or do I--_

_Someone_ kicks him from under the table, and he nearly jumps out of his seat.

"Sir? Would you like to order anything?"

"What? Ah, uhm." His eyes run over the menu. "Maybe this...Or...Are these any good, Rin-san?"

Rei sends a pleading look his direction. Rin glances at what he's pointing at, pauses, and says to the waiter, "He'll have both of these."

"Wai-"

"All right. I'll be back when your food is ready."

"Thanks." The waiter leaves before Rei can get his word in, and he's stuck having ordered two plates of food.

"Rin-san, both of them?! That's too much!"

"Too late." He smirks, taking a sip of water. Rei frowns wider, about to scold Rin about calories and proper intake and both those foods had been high in carbohydrates, didn't he know, but Rin's face slides back into the flat, thoughtful expression he'd been wearing earlier, and instead Rei doesn't say anything. He waits. Politely.

For a few minutes, anyways, until he can't stand it anymore.

"Rin-san--"  
  
He's interrupted by a raised hand. Rin's, in fact. Rei stops.

"Look, what you asked me at joint practice, I've," Rin runs his hand through his hair, pushing a few long strands out of his face, "I've been thinking about it."

"As I would have expected." Rei pushes his glasses up, settling into the cushion of the booth. "And? An answer? Hopefully you'll see that this out pour of gifts and your unusual amount of concern for me is, while appreciate-able, also incredibly odd and out of character for you, and I do not need any excess apologies--"

"--You seriously never shut up once you get started." Rin sighs, slouching. Rei closes his mouth and does not pout.

(He does.)

"Look, Rei, it," He gestures a little in the air, "like I said, it's hard to explain."

"You can't just gloss over the issue like that--"

"--I know, I know! Shut up for a minute! Geez!"

A couple of people sitting nearby give them a curious glance. They both pause, slouching into the cushions in a silent glare off.

"...Rei."

"Yes?"

"When you let me take your place in the relay, it really helped me out." Rin says slowly, and Rei sits straighter and wills himself to listen carefully.

"It was like...Talking to Haru helped too, but," Rin sighs softly, "If you hadn't done that, I don't-- I don't know if I would be here--"

"Rin-san! I hope you weren't thinking of anything dangerous--!"

"No, stupid!"

"Excuse me sirs, but your food is here." Their waiter interrupts them, professionally tactful. Several plates of food are placed onto the table, and Rei frowns, recalling his over-order. Rin grins at him.

"Ha, can you really eat all of that?"

"I already told you, no, this is too much! You ordered them for me!" He picks up one of the vegetables as a taste test. "But that's aside from our conversation. What do you mean by 'I don't know if I would be here'?"

"I mean I don't," He pauses, chewing thoughtfully on his food which, Rei notices, is fairly low in anything other than protein by the looks of it, "I don't think I'd be swimming. No, I know I wouldn't be."

He stops eating, staring Rei down. "You...Do you remember what I said to you back then?"

"I do vaguely, yes."

"Right after that, I was told I couldn't swim in the relay for Samezuka." Rin shakes his head. "After saying all that to you...It messed me up."

Rei refrains from sarcasm, simply because the look on Rin's face gives him the feeling that it wouldn't be appropriate. Choosing his words carefully, he says, "We noticed you seemed...Off."

"That's a nice way of putting it." Rin says dryly. "I was terrible. Both while swimming and afterwords."

"Still, I don't see how this--"

"I was terrible." Rin cuts him off, looking out the window. "Because I felt like shit. I...I missed swimming with them. I missed them, I missed feeling like part of a team. But I didn't really...Realize that until Haru found me, and he wouldn't have found me if you hadn't let your spot go."

"Rin-san..."

"I realized all this after I thought about it, days after." He pauses. "I don't know if I could do the same thing. I don't think I would."

"That's--"

"So I thought afterwords about how to repay you for helping me out. I can't do that much though, and there isn't anything big I can do. So I've been...Trying to help you out with whatever comes up. Since you really did help me a lot. But I don't...I mean, giving you stuff and watching is all I can really do."

He's staring at the table now. "I...I'm grateful. Really. Man, this is fuckin' embarrassing..."

Rei stares, rendered temporarily speechless.

"A-And with the whole charm thing, I mean, it's," He scratches the back of his neck, "I felt like I should have apologized properly, but I never did to you, so it. It was for that."

With that, Rin grabs four pieces of his food and stuffs it all in his mouth, red in the face. Rei finds that it's very oddly warm in this restaurant. They eat quietly, not looking at each other.

Rei mulls over what Rin has said. He's...The sincerity had caught him off guard, so different from sharper image that Rin usually gave off. His voice had been trembling, even, for a short second, Rei had heard the tremor as he'd spoken, saw his hands shake a little. He wonders how much courage it had taken for someone like Rin to say all of that, someone who seemed to run from things like this.

"You...You give me too much credit." Rei finally manages, choosing his words carefully. "It's true that I did give up my relay position, but I only did so because I knew that Haruka-senpai and the rest of them wouldn't have swam well after your...Moment. It was a calculated decision. I did, understand your feelings, but I...I did it out of personal gain, rather than for you, so there's no reason to feel so indebted to me. And I understand the charm as well, so you shouldn't feel so strongly about it still. It's all in the past, either way."

"What matters is that you did it." Rin mutters back. "And I can't just not feel like I owe you. I wouldn't...I would have been stuck alone if you hadn't done that. It doesn't matter why."

"It does though! My intentions weren't that pure. I wanted to help everyone, including myself." He takes a sip of water, a breath before continuing. "And I...I don't want you to feel that way. It frustrates me, thinking that you're only doing these things because you feel like you owe me something, Rin-san. You don't. You've certainly re-payed me in full, just by listening. I...There was no one else I could have spoken to, about..." He eyes the restaurant, the patrons, "...You know. And it's proven that having someone to listen is extremely helpful when it comes to emotions."

"Rei, look, it's not the same--"

"It is the same." Rei stares at him firmly, willing him to agree. "I truly appreciate all that you've done, Rin-san, but I want us to be friends properly. If you want to give me things, I don't want it to be because you feel indebted to me, but because we're simply...Friends."

Rin stares, but doesn't speak. Rei sighs. "I don't know how to convey this properly."

"...No, I got it." Rin's eyes shift towards the window. "...Friends _properly_ , huh."

"Is there something wrong with that?"

"Nah. I remembered our private joint session though."

"That--" Rei blushes, "I'm sorry I asked you about sea animals. That was childish."

"It's pretty funny, thinking back on it." Rin snickers. "But I meant your question at the end."

"Wha- Ah! Yes. That...I suppose I did end up deciding."

"We should do that again." He snickers once more. "I'll try to find a better fish."

"Rin-san!"

* * *

Running after eating isn't good, Rei lectures, and so they end up walking for the first half of the route back, simply...Talking.

For all that he'd said, Rei doesn't exactly know how to be 'proper friends'. Nagisa isn't proper by a long shot, and his relationships with Haruka and Makoto are more of a senpai-kouhai dynamic. But just talking, he thinks, about simple things is all right. Like music, when Rin tells him about some English music from the US that he likes, pausing before offering to show him some later, and Rei responds that he'll trade him a classical CD. Rin grimaces at that, saying that 'You...Are you an old man?', and Rei laughs. After arguing over the aesthetic of classical music, of course. But he laughs, and Rin shakes his head and agrees to a trade, and they'll meet again next weekend, to practice butterfly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's all uphill from here, folks. The more ~feelings and embarrassing dokis~ parts are soon to be, which means I'll (probably? hopefully?) write them quicker. For now, have an apologetic Rin.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself."

_Is Rin-san,_ Rei wonders, _a Vivaldi person? Or would he be more inclined towards Bach? Maybe Chopin. Or would Mozart...Beethoven...? There's too many options!_

Rei gathers them all on his desk and stares at their covers, mentally trying to rule which one is appropriate.

_Maybe if I bring all of them...No, Rin-san will certainly throw a fit._

'How could I carry this many CDs?! Are you an idiot?' He imagines, imaginary Rin throwing a little fit. 'Do you think I want to listen to all this boring' -- who could think this is boring, clearly Rin-san needs an improvement in taste -- 'classical crap?'

Bach, Mozart, and Beethoven can be too fanciful at times, Rei decides. Too grandiose. Vivaldi, however, has the energy that suits Rin, and Chopin...Chopin somehow suits him too, but, Rei mulls, hums and haws, would his work be too calm? All the English speaking music he'd heard on his own did have some kind of fast pace, after all, and while it was an extremely off-base assumption that all English speaking music had that quality, would it be wrong to guess that Rin would like that type of music? Especially with his personality -- not that personality really affected musical taste, but...

He looks at the time. He's going to be late if he doesn't leave soon, within the next few minutes in fact, and so he grabs both the Vivaldi and the Chopin.

 _Two isn't too much_ , he closes and locks his door after checking three times that he has everything he needs, _I think?_

He's excited, to tell the truth. Now that he and Rin are friends, and not in a strange, awkward and terse relationship that has no appropriate name, this swimming session may go well. He may even manage another stroke, even if poorly, it'll be an improvement.

(Or, he could just become the best at butterfly. That is clearly still an option available, and he's very tired of sinking. It's embarrassing.)

* * *

"I've explained this at least four times! How the hell are you still sinking?!"

"I'M TRYING!" He gasps, shooting out of the water for the umpteenth time. "It's not my fault!"

"It HAS to be your fault! I've explained this in every way I can think of!" Rin motions in the water. "YOUR ARMS GO LIKE THIS. LEGS LIKE THIS. FREESTYLE. IT'S THE SIMPLEST STROKE."

"IT'S NOT!" He shouts back. "It requires me to change my thinking, and the feeling is different, and I--"

"Aren't you a logical person?! What's this about feeling?!"

"Logic has nothing to do with difficulty!"

"You're not even making any sense anymore!" Rin growls, throwing his hands up, and Rei near howls, "But I AM!"

Rin narrows his eyes. In the shortest five or so seconds of Rei's life, he maneuvers right next to him, grabbing his arm, and yanks him horizontal without warning. Rei barely manages to suck in a breath before his face is below the water, confused and flustered, kicking randomly.

"SWIM." Rin commands, letting go of his arm, and Rei tries, he really does, but he can feel himself sinking and hoists himself up for a breath before he hits the bottom of the shallow end, as he has been for the past half of the hour.

"RIN-SAN, THAT WAS DANGEROUS--"

"CAN YOU EVEN DOGGY PADDLE?!"

"N-NO!" He pauses, thrown off. "I- I believe. I don't think I can doggy paddle."

"Did those guys ever show you?"

"They did." Again, he pauses. "I...I think? It has been quite some time."

"Try it. Right now."

"But it's not..."

"I DON'T CARE IF IT'S NOT BEAUTIFUL." Rin snaps. "If you can't doggy paddle, there's no hope. I don't even know how you can butterfly if you can't freestyle. It makes no sense. There's got to be a simpler stroke you can do. Who in the world can do the difficult thing the easiest first?"

With a gulp at the idea, Rei nods, frowns, and moves towards the edge of the pool.

"Why are you--"

"It's more comfortable to start from the proper place."

Rin rolls his eyes, but nods.

Grimacing, Rei kicks off the wall and tests it out, shallowly churning the water while kicking haphazardly. It's odd, and uncomfortable, and there's a strange sensation of half sinking, and he's certain that he's not doing this right at all and that he's simply an anomaly when it comes to swimming, but, while the lack of order throws him off, he is floating, he's floating, "RIN-SAN--!!"

"YOU CAN DOGGY PADDLE." Rin's at his side fairly quick. "I can't believe that's an accomplishment for a swimmer, but still--"

"I've done well, right!?" Rei stands, pleased. "Naturally."

"It's doggy paddling." Deadpan as he is, there's the makings of a grin on his face. "Don't get excited."

"I-- You were excited, Rin-san!"

"I was not!" Rin mutters, "You yellowtail."

"I AM NOT A YELLOWTAIL! That's such an ungraceful word! Completely lacking in beauty! Extremely gloppy sounding!" He huffs, "I am a butterfly, obviously."

"Geesh, who was complaining about that the last time?"

"S-Shut up!"

"But, your butterfly has actually improved. It's smoother."

"Smoother?"

Rin makes a motion with his hands that Rei can almost follow. "You had a choppier stroke before. It added resistance."

"Ah, so..."

"Matsuoka! We're gonna take over the pool, okay?"

They're interrupted. A few guys, plus the Samezuka captain -- his name is Mikoshiba, if Rei recalls correctly -- come in to the pool area from the locker room doors, and Rin nods.

"Right. Sorry."

"No problem. We knew you were planning to have a friend over." With a pause, he grins widely. "If you want, we can practice together."

"Nah." Rin motions towards the edge of the wall, 'get out', and Rei follows his lead. "We can do other stuff."

Part of the group behind Mikoshiba snickers to each other, and Rei can hear the faintest, "Other stuff meaning--", but his attention is taken up by Mikoshiba's booming voice. That kind of authoritative tone, Makoto-senpai lacks, but makes up for in his own way, Rei thinks.

"Sure, sure. Practice with your actual team sometime soon though, Matsuoka."

"I got it."

A little bit of respect creeps inside him. Rin seemed...Professional, addressing Mikoshiba-san. Unusually professional. Rei hadn't had any idea that Rin could achieve such a calm level of respectful acknowledgement, but, he supposed, it was an important feature of climbing up the ladder of success. And Rin clearly knew.

So it meant that, given the data, Rin was only rude with _friends._

(Ignoring the over-generalization, Rei smiles.)

* * *

"I brought you Chopin and Vivaldi." He pulls out his CDs with a flourish, a few stray droplets of water flying through the air from his hair, despite a vigorous drying. "They suit you best, in my opinion."

Rin groans, but takes the CDs from his hand nonetheless, looking at the back of one. "Nocturne...? Valse? What the heck?"

"Just listen to it. You'll soon see the value in classical, I assure you." Rei pushes his glasses up, grinning. If this were one of those mangas that Nagisa insists he read, he's certain there would be a star next to his fingertips.

"If you say so." Rin flops onto his bed, gingerly setting the CDs down next to him. He's careful, Rei notes, to not get them wet on accident, even though the plastic cover exists for a reason.

"So? English music?"

"Man, you never stop." Rin gets up at that, rummaging through his desk. "Try these."

What he hands him are not not typically bought CDs, rather, they're the silver kind that one edits themselves. "You made them?"

"There were a lot of tracks, so I couldn't just send you all of them." Rin scratches the back of his neck, looking awkward. "I know it's kind of old fashioned--"

"No, this is good." Rei smiles, careful to place them in a spot where the risk of breaking them is low. "Though, is there a tracklist?"

"Do you really need one?"

"What if I've heard a song before?"

"Just skip it!"

"But, crossing them out and going in an orderly fashion would save me time--Augh!"

A pillow hits him in the face and he gives up the conversation, chooses another topic. "Where's your roommate? Nitori-kun?"

"He went home for the weekend." Rin lies down on his bed, "-- Hand me my pillow, thanks -- something about his mom's birthday."

"I hope you're nice to him."

"What are you, my mom?"

"I'm just concerned for him! Given how you act--"

"Oi! I'm plenty nice to Nitori!" Rin snaps, "Have a some faith!"

"Hmph. Fine." Rei looks around. "Which chair is yours?"

"That one." He points to the cleaner desk. Rei nods, sits down and settles himself comfortably.

"This is significantly cleaner than I thought it would be. And," Rei says, cutting Rin off before he snaps again, "I was just asking about Nitori-kun because, as your _friend_ , I thought it was my duty."

"To what?" Rin huffs, "Make sure I'm nice to people?"

"Yes."

"You suck at talking to people. No wonder you and Haru get along."

"Rin-san, that is incredibly rude to both me AND Haruka-senpai!"

"Whatever."

"Rin-san, I must implore you to not be so..."

* * *

The day passes by surprisingly quickly. He hadn't meant to spend so much time with Rin, but, they had gotten into an argument, which had led into another one, which had led to complaining about Iwatobi and Samezuka, which had led to a sort of bonding that Rei was proud of, secretly. Rarely did he ever get to speak his mind so much, even with Nagisa, he tended to listen more often.

They're outside, night coming in, when Rin stops him from going.

"Oi, before you go, here." Rin hands him the book from the store, such a while ago that it takes Rei a minute to recall.

"Rin-san, we already went over this several times--"

"I know, I know, I know! You don't like the whole gift thing. But I really don't need it." He looks to the side. "I already bought a newer copy, so this one is kind of useless anyways."

"...Did you buy it because of me?"

"No! Geesh, not everything I do is about you. Some kind of narcissist you are."

He's lying, Rei notices right away, because he's 1) not looking directly at him, and 2) he's speaking in a flustered way. Still, Rei lets it pass, because today has been good, very good, and honestly, the book would be a nice addition to his collection.

"...Fine. I will take it, but none after."

"I won't give you any after this, so fine by me."

Rei puts it in his backpack and prepares to go, but Rin stops him again, this time with a tap against his shoulder. When he turns to face him, he's pulled into a hug, and the strangest feeling comes over him, a mixture of confusion, embarrassment, happiness, and awkwardness.

"Uhm. Thanks. For coming."

Rin says as he steps back, letting go too soon for Rei to comprehend a proper response to it.

"...By any chance, do you actually enjoy skinship, Rin-san?" The concept had come up when he had searched 'male friendships', after all. Nagisa was quite a fan, he was certain.

"No!"

"Well, I." Rei blinks, re-orders himself. "I'm glad you suggested this. It was very informative. And. I. Did enjoy myself quite a bit."

"Good to know."

Rin fidgets, Rei does his best to not, but his hand goes to his glasses and he murmurs, "Er, well, goodbye then."

"Yeah, bye. See you at joint practice this week."

"Right."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> awfully charming, aren't they.
> 
> Really, I just wanted to write about Rei being able to doggy paddle. everything was second to that and what kind of classical music Rin might like, ahahaha..;;; Bonding is important though. More bonding to come, most definitely.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough."

"Nice stroke, Rei! Your kick was off that time though."

"Same to you, Rin-san! Your dive was perfect, but your turn was awkwardly executed in comparison!"

"What?! It was not!"

"It was! I was watching very closely, after all!"

"How can you be watching if you're swimming?! This is why you lose!"

"RIN-SAN, THAT--"

"Guys, don't fight!"

"Leave them alone, Makoto."

"But Haru!"

"They're not really fighting, see?"

"Haru--!" "Haruka-senpai--!"

"Haru! Don't push them into the pool!"

"The water will fix their problems."

"Haru!"

* * *

"Do you really run this early every morning?"

"Are you complaining, Rin-san?"

"No! But geesh. Makes sense that you're a track star."

"Was. I haven't exactly been doing track for a while."

"Are. You could pick it right back up if you wanted to."

"But that would mean having to abandon the swim team. I am a vital asset, currently."

"I guess that's true."

"You only guess?!"

"Well, you guys got new members, didn't you?! Someone has to know butterfly!"

"ARE YOU INSULTING MY SWIMMING AGAIN, RIN-SAN?!"

"NO! It's just, I mean, if you wanted to go back to track, it...It would make sense. You didn't exactly join the team willingly, right?"

"I didn't, but that was before I saw the beauty in swimming. I wouldn't go back to track now."

"...That so. Well, I guess that's good. Haru better thank me for this later..."

"Eh? What does Haruka-senpai have to do with this?!"

"Nothing! Don't worry about it. Look, we're almost at the station. I'll race you!"

"Rin-san, that was a head-start--!"

"...Geesh, why is Haru making me ask these questions?! He should be doing this himself-- Rei, how did you get up there?!"

* * *

"I've been meaning to ask, Rin-san, but why do you always order so much meat? There are other ways to get calories, and this is clearly too much!"

"Just be grateful and eat! Meat is good, what other reason should I have?!"

"Health-wise, too much meat means higher cholesterol, among other things! You should care more for your organs!"

"Can you not say 'organs' when we're about to eat meat?! And your side is burning!"

"Ack! Why didn't you tell me sooner!?"

"It's your fault for yapping! Now hurry and flip it before it starts smoking!"

"I'm picking where we go next time!"

* * *

"Sushi? Really?"

"Sushi is tasteful. And beautiful. And it doesn't have as much oil--"

"--And you can't burn it."

"That- That was one time! Don't laugh!"

"Ah, you again! What do you want to try this time, kiddo?"

"You come here so often they know you?"

"I- I happen to really enjoy sushi, that's all!"

"Figures you would. No wonder Haru likes you."

* * *

"Do you really like watching Olympic videos all the time? And documentaries?"

"But of course! The Olympics are extremely exciting! And documentaries are extremely informative."

"You've gotta be tired of watching the same thing after a while though."

"Well there are many subjects that documentaries are on, and Olympics--"

"--There's a movie I wanna see though, and it's way better than the Olympics, trust me."

"Rin-san, are you trying to get me to watch a movie with you?"

"I'm asking if you wanna see one with me or not, it's not-- Don't make it weird."

"I wasn't trying to! I just wanted to be sure that was what you were asking!"

"...Yeah, I was. Y-You don't have to come though! I was just asking since I heard you had boring taste in movies--" "Did Nagisa-kun tell you that?!" "--And figured it'd be good if I fixed your taste."

"Ignoring your RUDE and UNNECESSARY comment, I wouldn't mind seeing a movie with you, Rin-san."

"Seriously? Thanks. I tried asking Makoto, but he said he was too scared, and Haru would have been boring to see it with."

"Wait, Rin-san, what kind of movie is this--"

"And Nagisa wanted to come, but your swim supervisor -- what's her name, I forgot -- told him that he'd better do his homework first, and then he said no. Nitori had homework too, so."

"Rin-san--"

"You're probably gonna like it, it's got robots and science and all that crap. And explosions."

"Rin-san, I'm not so sure this is a good idea--"

"--See ya later. I'll text you the details."

"Rin-san, what kind of--?! DON'T JUST HANG UP ON ME!"

* * *

"The science was completely inconsistent and didn't make sense, and those effects were poorly done in some spots, though I must admit was frightened during that one scene with the robot and the unexplained laser-- Rin-san, are you feeling all right?"

"I'm. Fine."

"Rin-san, I know the romantic subplot was good, but-- Are you still crying?"

"I NEVER CRIED IN THE FIRST PLACE."

"Shh! Calm down! They met at the end once more! Don't start weeping again!"

"DON'T REMIND ME."

"Rin-san, please, you're old enough not to cry about these things--"

"I'M NOT CRYING! I ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT! AND SHUT UP! I KNOW!"

"We can go to a meat grilling place, so please, stop crying!"

"I AM NOT CRYING!"

"You're making a scene!"

* * *

"Nice time, Rei!"

"Thank you very much for your guidance, Rin-san!"

"Hey, Haru, don't you think those two are getting along much better now?"

"I guess."

"It's really a relief! I'm so glad they're getting closer."

"Makoto, stop worrying about them."

"Eh, you say that, but, you've been worried too, haven't you, Haru?"

"...Not really."

"...Pfft, okay, Haru."

"Haru-chan, Haru-chan, time me? Please? Pretty please?"

* * *

"Onii-chan, are your friends coming over again?"

"They might, but why are you asking, Ran?"

"N-No reason!"

* * *

"Uhm, here! It's for you!"

"Oh, thank you. Did your brother ask you to give me this?"

"N- I mean, yes! Onii-chan asked me to give it to you! So it's important that you keep it!"

"I will, thank you again."

"And, you can call me and Ren by our first names, okay?"

"Er, okay, Ran-san."

"T-That's all! I'm going upstairs now!"

"What a player."

"Rin-san? What do you mean?"

"I can't believe you don't notice it."

"What?"

"Geez, since you're obviously not getting it, I'll help you out. Why would Makoto tell his sister to give you a butterfly pin?"

"Because it reminded him of me, but he was too embarrassed to give it to me personally because it seemed childish? It seems like something he would do."

"...You can be the biggest idiot out of all of us sometimes."

"Rin-san, explain!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoa, look at that sudden, short update! What a shocker, given my usual update speeds, ahaha.
> 
> The movie -- think something like pacific rim, maybe. And with Ran...She's a go-getter.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The advantage of the emotions is that they lead us astray."

By the end of the day, Rin's hatred for Chopin has spiked.

(He'll still listen to him, no doubt, but he's going to feel very awkward about it.)

* * *

_Midday(No clock that is within quick viewing range) -- Samezuka Dorms, Rin-san's Room(His roommate is gone for some reason...I hope I'm not the reason.)_

_It has been a successful Spring(with a few mishaps that I will include later on in this entry), and we are currently at the beginning of Summer_

"Rei, what are you doing?"

"Erhm." Quickly, he closes his journal and shoves it into his backpack. He had thought Rin would be engrossed enough in whatever he was doing at the time to write in it, but, Rin proved to have been paying more attention than Rei had thought.

"Is that a diary?"

"It is a _journal._ " Rei says before he can stop himself. "And...And weren't you doing homework?!"

"I decided to take a break."

"Rin-san," Rei pushes his glasses up, "That's the third 'break' you've taken since I've come over here to, in fact, study with you--"

"So why weren't you studying either?"

"I," He flushes, "I had finished what I had come to do!"

"Sure you weren't just," Rin leans closer and whispers, "Taking a break?"

"I wasn't!" Rei pulls away, and they're no longer back to back on the floor. "And don't lean so close! You're invading my personal space!"

"Ugh, relax." Rin leans against him, and they're once again back to back, except Rei feels slightly more squished than he had the first time.

"Rin-san, I will continually insist that you are one of the 'biggest fans', so to say, of skinship."

"Shut up."

Rei complies, but only because Rin leans on him and puts his headphones back on before he can comment. With a huff, Rei grabs his math textbook and resigns to go over the formulas once more, lest Rin catch him writing in his journal again.

Rei stops reading for a moment to reminisce, given that he's already gone over the material for today. They've been meeting like this for a while. Since their first relatively successful meetup, more have been proposed, and executed, and, to be honest, being with Rin is fun. More fun than he would have expected it to be, but they get along in a strange sort of way that Rei finds both fascinating and exasperating. They disagree on nearly any light matter of opinion(meat versus fish in particular, but Rei can cite nearly twenty other things, including but not limited to: ice cream flavor, noodle dishes, color, color schemes, and drink choice), but are, incredibly, on the same general page when it comes to more serious topics. Rin believes in passion. Rei agrees, but with limits set for both talent and aptitude. Rin concedes, but insists that there are ways to surpass talent, a notion that Rei will wholeheartedly agree with every time. They find similarity in ideas and concepts, with variants of the less critical kind.

They mesh well, to shorthand. They mesh almost too well, Rei sometimes thinks that it isn't realistic for two very different people to be, at the same time, extremely similar, and that is the only really confusing aspect of the whole thing. Along with how Rin's barriers have slowly eroded, with everyone, but especially with him as of late, an example being this leaning that he's doing. He'll wrap an arm around anyone, but there are certain kinds of touch that Rin avoids with certain people, he'll work his way out of Nagisa's grip, and Makoto's hugs make him look vaguely uncomfortable on the occasion they happen. But, Rei notes with a swell of pride that he pushes down quick, Rin will, inarticulately put, flop around Rei, loose-limbed and casual, relaxed and at ease.

(Sometimes Rei considers the idea that Rin is like the cats that he likes so much, the stray ones that hang around Samezuka and scatter for most others. Rin threw a fit when he proposed the idea though, saying that he was nothing like a cat, and, "That's way more like Haru, what the hell are you saying?!". It had taken quite a few days to calm him from that storm.)

So, Rei notes, they communicate well. Even as they've learned how to sit in relaxed silence with each other, they also know how to pace a conversation, and, Rei is thankful, Rin is direct with questions as well as with answers to questions.

He likes it. He likes how they've ended up.

 _But enough reminiscing_ , _I should study, unlike someone else in the room,_  someone who is murmuring along to some song that Rei doesn't know. 

He's gotten into a particularly riveting section on algorithms when he hears a strange, soft sound from Rin, and then another.

_It almost sounds like--_

"Rin-san...Are you crying?" Alarmed, he turns. "Why? Are you all right?!"

The reaction he gets is NOT what he had expected, certainly, Rin's eyes widen, and then he shoves Rei down and gets up and practically sprints towards his desk, frantic all the while, saying, "Shut up! You didn't see that!"

"What happened? Weren't you just listening to music?!"

"Shut up!"

"What were you listening to?!"

"Noth-- OI, REI, DON'T TOUCH THAT--!"

Quickly, Rei grabs at his mp3, presses a button to light the screen and gets the barest hint of the word 'Chopin' before Rin tackles him, knocking the mp3 out of his hand and hopefully into a safe place, but he can't be sure, with Rin having knocked nearly his entire life out in one go.

Still, he tries. "Were...Were you crying about Chopin?! What in the--"

"THE SONG JUST MADE ME THINK, DON'T TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS."

"I cannot believe," Rei says, trying to push him off, "that one, you would cry while listening to Chopin, who I admit is a fantastic composer, and two, you would think that I would tell anyone about that. I haven't told anyone about the incident at the theater, and I feel that this is measures below that--"

"I THOUGHT WE AGREED TO NOT BRING THAT UP EVER AGAIN."

"Well, I was using it just as an example!" Rei wiggles desperately, trying to get out from underneath what seems to be a dead man's grip. "And could you please get off of me?! I promise I won't tell anyone of this second crying incident!"

Rin stares him down before he grumbles and rolls off. Rei sits upright immediately, trying to re-orient himself with the world.

"...Though," He says, adjusting his glasses, "I must ask, what were you thinking about that caused such a reaction?"

Rin is quiet, and seems angry, so Rei almost backs away from the question. Almost. Rin answers him quietly, mumbling more towards the air than to him, "It...A drama on TV used one of his songs as a background. I remembered."

Rei laughs. Rei laughs and finds it hard to stop, because that is the most ridiculous thing he has heard, and it would be exasperating, but given the circumstances, somehow he finds it more funny than anything else. Rin is glaring at him, and looks about ready to yell, but Rei grins and he draws back, still frowning but not nearly as angry looking.

"Rin-san, you," He takes a breath, "you are really, very illogically emotional."

"I am NO--"

"But it's very endearing. It's quite a character trait." He chuckles, giggles really. "I am extremely glad that we got over our differences. You are an incredibly entertaining person, I mean that in a good way, just to clarify."

Rin looks away, and Rei catches a hint of red on his cheeks, he's blushing, no doubt about it.

"...Geesh, no need to lay it on so thick." He mutters, mumbles, "I'm glad about it too. You're not that bad to talk to, surprisingly. For a big nerd that didn't know his friend's little sister liked him, that is."

"That-- I had no prior experiences! I had no idea that occurred in real life, honestly, it seemed like something only for movies! And why me?!"

"Who knows." Rin grins at him. "Maybe she has bad taste."

"That is rude, Rin-san!"

"Just 'Rin' is fine, you know."

"Eh?" Rei blinks, confused at the sudden turn of conversation. "What- Er?"

Rin sighs. "Like, we've been pretty friendly and all, and, I call you by your name, and it's...It's a fairness thing, okay? It feels weird, having you call me 'Rin-san' all the time."

"I assure you, it's just a natural habit of mine--"

"Yeah, I got it, but I'm just saying. 'Rin' is fine too."

"Well, I." Rei looks down at his lap, a little unraveled. "I will consider it, then, if that's what you suggest..."

Rin turns to look at him from his spot on the floor, not saying anything, but his gaze conveys a 'you better'. Rei turns his eyes away.

It's gotten awkward now, sort of. They sit in silence, to be accurate, Rin lies in silence and Rei sits, contemplating. Rei sneaks a glance at Rin, who's staring off into space by the look of it, hair strewn against the carpet, it's a startling shade really. The light plays off the angles of his face well, and by pure aesthetics, Rei is taken by the sight, Rin lying against the thin carpet and drifting in thought, and he's attractive, of all things, more attractive than usual--

\--And that train of thought needs to stop immediately, because Rei really, really cannot allow even the barest hint of the idea that he may be liking Rin a little too much at the moment. That is, he's sure, unacceptable with their type of friendship, and that's all it is, a friendship, just to remind himself. Right as he resolves to turn away though, Rin turns to look at him, and now they're locked in a stare off that Rei does not want to be in, especially given his recent thoughts about Rin's general attractiveness, and eyes are not naturally that color and _how in the world did those happen, they are sharp and unique_ and he should not be thinking like this at all, out of nowhere.

It is very quiet, all of a sudden.

He turns first, quickly, words firing out of his mouth, "You should study more, I think I should go home, it looks as if it's getting fairly late."

(No, not again, not again, not again, and this time, for no discernible reason, why is his heart pounding like this. There's no reason for this sudden feeling that is so similar to months ago, months and months ago and he cannot stand to be stuck in an environment where his awareness is too high for him to think clearly about this, not right now.

He can't. He can't let it happen again. There's not even a reason, there's-- He needs to go.)

"Ah, okay then." Rin sounds casual, but Rei knows the tone difference by now, _and since when had I been paying him so much attention?_ "I'll see you out."

"No need." Rei gathers his things. "I'm certain I know the way, and besides, you still haven't finished your mathematics, have you?"

"Stop acting like my mom." Rin groans, covering his face with his arm, and Rei takes the opportunity to rise, say a fast, "I'll see you again soon, Rin-san", and take off, flushed and frantically thinking his way out of whatever he just realized while in that room.

* * *

Rin really does not want to feel like he's on fire, but there was something too tender in Rei's glance at him, and the self consciousness is overwhelming. He reaches for his mp3, puts in his earphones, and flushes when the soft sound of Chopin reaches his ears again. It's not the same song, but really, Chopin had been the cause of all that sudden awkwardness, hadn't he? Definitely. Definitely Chopin's fault, for writing such a soothing song that it would be used everywhere, especially in a drama on TV, that Rin would happen to watch one day because of Gou, and get invested in, and it was really, most definitely, Chopin's fault for everything.

Rei's eyes are a very startling shade, and direct, and see right through him, Rin is sure, and he is horrified at how embarrassing his thoughts are. Thinking about Rei is off limits. Thinking about ANY of his friends like that is off limits, but, he determines right the very second, thinking about Rei is double off limits, he will not think about his stupid glasses, or his stupid face, or his stupid directness that leads Rin into trusting him without worrying, or--

\--Or any of that. Rin stops listening to his mp3 and climbs into his bed with a muffled groan and a face that still feels as if it's on fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let's talk about s2 announcements everyone. and how exciting they are except now I have a personal deadline to finish this fic before S2 starts, aka 2 months. Thank god we're at the fun parts. I suspect maybe 5-6 more chapters at best before the end, though who knows for sure.
> 
> These two gotta get captivated by each other somehow, and what better way then their funky eyes...That's less romantic sounding than I had thought. it's late.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events and outcomes. It is a catalyst and it sparks extraordinary results."

  
And they had been getting along so _well_ , too.

Nagisa watches them edge around each other for the fourth time in the past two weeks and wonders what happened. They're talking, but anyone can see they're not actually talking, it's like watching a mime try to talk to another mime. They aren't _really_ talking, and everyone knows.

It wasn't like he really wanted to pry too much, Rei really never likes it when he does, and besides, part of him wants them to just work it out by themselves. Being such a good best friend was tiring, honestly! He couldn't just work out all of Rei's problems himself! How would Rei learn anything about friendship that way?

(Okay, he was also sort of jealous about all the time they had been spending together. Rin had been his friend first, and Rei had also been his friend first, and Rei was really his best friend besides Makoto and Haru, but then Rei and Rin had started spending all that time together! And left him out! How could they?! He was the reason Rei was in the club, after all! It just didn't seem fair, to have Rin suddenly take all of Rei's time like that.)

Scrimmaging through his brain, Nagisa tries to work out a relatively logical reason for why Rin and Rei had become such great friends, as far as he could see, up until two weeks ago, anyways. He dismisses the idea that they're conspiring to take over the world, Rei is too uptight for that and Rin doesn't have that kind of interest.

Within a few minutes, his brain finds an idea to grab onto.

_I bet Rin-chan knows about me and Rei-chan's secret! That's why they've been together so often. Rin-chan was worried about him!_

If he thinks about it more, it becomes clear, how Rin had been almost protectively hovering around Rei, in that nonchalant way he tries hard to pull off, and that everyone sees through, most of the time. It had been so obvious that Nagisa nearly smacks himself in the head for not realizing earlier that Rin must have known, with all that awkward hovering, getting in between them. And he had thought Rin just wanted to be friends with Rei but didn't know how...

_Did Rei-chan tell him? He must have-- How else would Rin-chan know? But when?_

It had to be, Nagisa reasons, a while ago, because the first time he noticed they were talking to each other was at a joint practice, and that had only been a passing memory, but they had seemed on much better terms by then. They'd stayed inside the locker room together, after all, Nagisa reasons that they must have been talking.

(And leaving him out. Again. But it's a little more fair if Rin was helping Rei get over his, erm, his. That...His thing for Nagisa.

It is very weird in a lot of ways, when Nagisa thinks about it, that Rei ended up liking him. Rei doesn't seem like he'd like someone like him, after all, didn't he say he would date himself? When did he change? What had changed? Had Nagisa done something that made him change his mind? Was he just lying? Nah, Rei sucked at lying -- it wasn't something that he did _, that's what makes him such a good friend._

So something must have changed, and Nagisa wasn't sure what, and it wasn't like he minded -- it was a big compliment, really, someone like Rei-chan liking him! But, honestly, a relationship was already a big step, and he wasn't sure about that in general, relationships, and Rei was a boy, and while he didn't really mind that, it...That seemed like something too big and too much, and not. For him. Yet. Maybe when he'd go into third year, something would change. For now though, it wasn't anything to really think about, wasn't anything he really wanted to think about.)

_But now they're so awkward with each other again...They're worrying Mako-chan! And Haru-chan, I think...No, I know! Haru-chan is definitely worried about them too!_

Nagisa nods once to himself. _I have to fix this before it becomes a big problem!_

Two weeks is long enough, and he wants everyone to be friends. It makes things so much easier, after all! _And this way, we all can hang out together!_ Once he knows for sure about Rei and Rin anyways, which shouldn't be hard, Rei always ends up talking if he asks the right questions. And he always asks the right questions.

_Nagisa to the rescue!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, a wild Nagisa appears! 
> 
> This was originally going to be attached to the next chapter, but the next chapter is...getting a lot longer than planned. So this is better on its own.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Feelings are like chemicals, the more you analyze them the worse they smell."//"Your intellect may be confused, but your emotions will never lie to you."

Since that last meeting, two weeks and three days ago, Rei can't look him in the eyes.

He tries, he really does, but when their eyes lock there's something like a shiver that crawls down his spine, a vague but familiar feeling, the same one that had first appeared at that last meeting. It's uncomfortable. It's very uncomfortable. It itches at him, makes him look at Rin when Rin isn't paying attention, and he notices things.

Things like Rin's physique, which is unquestionably excellent, though he may focus a bit too much on upper arm strength,

things like his swimming, which had been beautiful from the start, and Rei would say that without shame, but now it looks like it has a sparkle that's different from Haruka but not bad either,

things like the way he laughs, and his teeth are ridiculous but they're not as bad as he thought? Not at all, they add to Rin's character very well actually, and Rei knows, knows that there is something wrong because _those teeth are not beautiful at all! Why am I thinking like this all of a sudden?!_

Rin is exasperating. Rin is a paradox. How he has suddenly become attractive, Rei has no idea.

(Suddenly is stretching it. Really, Rin could swim beautifully and he had known that from the beginning, and Rei could have, long before they were on good terms, admit that Rin had an attracting feature to him -- though he would have never thought about it this much, back then. He hadn't anticipated being so...Drawn towards him, that much was certainly unexpected.

He hadn't anticipated enjoying his company either though. People are full of surprises, as he's learning. It's sort of unpleasant. 

He can't help but wonder what would have happened if they had never had a joint practice alone, if he hadn't gone to confront Rin before the relay, if the butterfly effect would hold true in this odd turn of events and he wouldn't have ever gotten pulled in by the strange magnetism that Rin emanates -- but he shouldn't be muddling over chaos theory. That's hardly beautiful.)

All of this thought on his physical appearance is really a ruse though. He knows it in the back of his mind, that traitorous whisper that reminds him that he felt something more than just mere appreciation for Rin's physical aspects when their eyes had met. That would have been acceptable, though admittedly uncomfortable, but he could acknowledge finding Rin physically appealing. That wasn't that odd, given his sexual orientation towards men, but...But feelings were an entirely different matter. Especially feelings of...Like, if that's what they _really_ were.

Were there feelings though? How much? What kind of feelings, exactly?

When he tries to look at his feelings on Rin and understand them, they confuse him. They are different from the ones he had for Nagisa, there's a certain kind of sting to them that's unfamiliar. The feelings from before, when he had undoubted like for Nagisa, felt...Gentle, and soft, and warm, accepting without a doubt, yet undefined.

_These_ were pointed, sending waves of uncertainty and nerves through him if he didn't sooth them down, a strange sort of sharpness that didn't leave him room to drift in thought, he was constantly snagged by an edge, another thought, an idea. And yet there were similarities as well, rough as they were, they were comfortable in some way somehow, much like the person in question.

He wonders if deep feelings take the shape of the person they're about, if that's possible.

If they were deep anyways, which, his mind laughs nervously, there aren't, because there's no way he'd like, really like, the 'like-like' kind of like, Rin of all people. Rin and Nagisa are, obviously, incredibly different, and Rei would say that he has insufficient data to determine whether he has a type, but for the sake of his friendship with Rin he's willing to make a slight theoretical error and assume that Nagisa is his type--

\--No, he can't make a theoretical error, that's not fair to either of them. With a sigh, he taps on his book (that he should be studying, summer break will come, and before summer break there's always exams) and thinks, staring into space.

Were there feelings? Were there feelings that weren't just enjoying their rivalry-friendship, but something else, something with some other meaning?

What would be the word for those sharper feelings that made him nervous, anxious even, but also had something like anticipation, excitement mixed into them...And would those feelings be related to-- to like, if that was the case?

His reaction to Rin is a cacophony, and he dislikes it immensely. He can't make any of it make sense, they're numerous and contradictory, and the topic is already making him uncomfortable. It's hard to think about, like this, and he sighs heavily in frustration.

_When in doubt,_ calls from his mind, _use numbers. They're safe. It's easy to be honest with them. Numbers rarely lie._

_...If I'm to calculate these feelings, then I'd assume I have...Thirty percent affection for Rin-san? But that...Doesn't seem quite right. It's...more, but looking at it, it seems like that much-- Why is everything involving him always so difficult!?_

_Thirty percent...There's thirty percent simple affection for Rin-san, and then there's maybe...Ten or fifteen dedicated towards a positive rivalry? No, more there -- but then there's ten or fifteen percent dedicated to something within the rivalry, and then there's those undefined parts..._

"Ugh." He rises, heads to the kitchen to grab something to snack on. Food helps him think, occasionally, and he has leftovers from when he and Rin went out to that cafe again -- a flush rises on the back of his neck, that had been an incredibly good run, and Rin had gotten faster, fast enough to make Rei feel like it was worth an effort, and he had missed running like that and Rin had looked so pleased when Rei had offered him a compliment and--

"--I'm getting nowhere!"

The door to the fridge is opened with too much force. He almost ends up off balance.

* * *

 "Haa? You guys don't even know how to spell this?"

"Sorry..."

"That's why you're supposed to be helping us." Haru stares him down. "And not judging."

"Shut up Haru."

"Just saying."

"Rin, Haru, we need to study!"

"...I'm taking a mackerel break."

"What?! Haru, no, we had lunch an hour ago--"

"Just let him do it, Makoto. His fault if he fails."

"Rin!"

"Seriously, I want a break too." He sighs, leaning back, arms supporting his weight. "You guys are hopeless at this."

"English is hard you know..."

"Yeah yeah, I got it. Doesn't mean you can't learn it though."

"I know." Makoto does something like a pout, and Rin can't help but find it a little entertaining. _He's more relaxed here, huh?_

"So what are you guys going to do for summer break?"

From the kitchen, Haru says something that sounds like 'swim', but Rin has tuned him out due to expecting the same answer every single time.

"Well, I was thinking that we should do that training regime again. It was tiring, but all our times improved..."

"The ocean one?" He sits upright. "Are you sure about that?"

"Well, it was good training." Makoto smiles at him. "And I'm not afraid of the ocean too much anymore, thanks to it."

"No." Haru comes in carrying a tray with three plates, and Rin does what he must -- being friends with this guy can be so tiring -- and takes his share. But he pays attention to Haru's voice, there's something agitated about it.

"Haru, it'll be fine this time."

He shakes his head, voice firm. "No. Not there."

"Haru--" They're doing that eye thing again. Rin frowns.

"Hey, sorry to interrupt," They turn to look at him, "but why is Haru so uptight about it? I would have thought he'd be into it, with the ocean being, you know, the biggest water source a person could ever find. He could pretty much swim forever in there."

There's an ache that follows him when he talks about the ocean. He ignores it in favor of trying to understand what the hell is going on, because Haru and Makoto do their weird eye conversation thing again instead of answering him.

"...Did something happen last time? What happened? You're okay, aren't you?! Did you--"

"Rin, calm down!" Makoto puts a hand on his arm, and Rin shirks from the contact on impulse, but it works. He calms down. Haru is looking at him like he's trying to make a decision, and then turns to Makoto again.

"...You should tell him, I guess."

"Yeah, I think that'd be good."

"Tell me what?" His tone is sharp, demanding, and he tries to reel it in. "What happened?"

"It's not a big deal--"

"--Yes it is. Don't act like it wasn't." Haru's voice is sharp, and Rin blinks in surprise at how quick he'd been to interrupt. "You almost--"

"Haru!" Makoto is agitated now. Rin looks back and forth between them.

"Almost what?!"

"Rin-- Ahh, okay, okay. I got it Haru, so let me tell the story."

Haru settles down next to him, but he's a little stiff, and Rin wonders what exactly happened to make Haru get so irritated so fast.

"Well, it's like this..."

Rin listens, fist against the floor by the time Makoto is finishing up.

"...And that's...That's it really. It was a good thing though. It-- I mean, we all understood each other better after that." He smiles, though it's halfway, not full. "Boosted team morale? I guess."

Rin is seething. "What was that idiot thinking?! What the hell was he thinking, doing something like that?!"

Makoto flinches.

"Don't blame Rei! He just wanted to catch up to us faster, it--"

"So what?! He shouldn't have-- The ocean is dangerous-- A fucking storm?! Are you joking?! You almost died! How are you even able to look at him without getting pissed off, I--"

"Rin." Haru's hand is on his shoulder, pushing down. "It was in the past. I was annoyed too though."

"But..."

"Really Rin, Rei apologized a lot after that. He promised he wouldn't do it again." The last part is directed more towards Haru than him. "So I've been looking at doing the training regime again. Rei is better at swimming now too, so he'll have an easier time keeping up."

"That idiot though...! He could have died too-- Shit, I'm gonna talk to him about this--"

"Rin, don't! I don't want your relationship to be even more strained--"

"Haaa?! Who said our relationship was strained?!"

"It's obvious when you look that you're having an argument with Rei right now." Haru. Rin turns towards him.

"What-- What do you mean?"

"We...All of us noticed that there's some strange distance between you two recently." Makoto, with his 'calm down' voice.

Rin bites his lower lip and thinks, angrily, because that's all he is right now.

"...Was it that obvious?"

"No." "Yes."

"...We aren't having an argument." He looks towards the floor, anger slowly seeping out, being replaced by embarrassment. "I just-- I was having a hard time talking to him. Whatever. Don't worry about it."

"We can't not worry about it though." Makoto sighs but relaxes, picking at the last of his mackerel. "Me and Haru were really worried about how you two would get along! You guys seemed to really dislike each other before, or at least, we know Rei did."

Rin ignores that. "That was practically a year ago!"

"Yeah, that's true I guess. And up until recently, you guys were actually getting along really well...What happened?"

"I told you," Rin fidgets, "don't worry about it. Personal business."

"We're your friends. Doesn't that make your business ours too?"

"No, shut up Haru. It--" He lies, sort of, kind of, not really, "It's just between us."

They do the eye thing again, and it exasperates him. "Look, I know you guys can communicate through like, telepathy or something, but I can't, so could you stop doing that in front of me? It creeps me out sometimes."

"Eh? Sorry!" Makoto scratches the back of his neck.

Waving his hand in the air to dispel him, he redirects the conversation. "Whatever. Back to English. Break is over."

And three hours later, the study group is over. He waves goodbye as he walks down the steps, wondering how in the world Makoto takes these everyday to get Haru and doesn't complain about knee pain.

The roar of the sea draws his attention. He looks towards the beach, then bites the tip of his thumb angrily, thinking. His thoughts are jumbled. He had been so angry when Makoto had told him, but he'd been more worried than anything, worried for both Rei and Makoto mostly.

_How could that idiot even...He's supposed to be smart!_

But he's determined and stubborn and competitive too, and Rin understands how that works. Feeling inadequate causes irrational thought, hell, that had been his own life for a while. Rei lived in the city too, and had spent all his time in bookstores or at home, there was no way he'd have known how quick weather can change near the beach-side.

_But still...! Couldn't he have put together that swimming at night was a dumb idea?!_

He pulls his phone out of his pocket, about to give Rei a piece of his mind, but his thumbs stop by the third character. He knows he's running on hot air, and...And it's been weird between them since that one time at the dorm. He doesn't know why, exactly, but it's been weird, and he doesn't like it, but he doesn't know what to do either.

Rei has been avoiding him for sure. The idiot thinks he's being subtle, but Rin can tell, because Rei is awful at being subtle. The guy is being dodgy, unlike his usual self. He hasn't made a jab at Rin's angle for at least a week now.

Usually he'd clear something like this up, especially since he doesn't know why this is happening, but...But he just...Hasn't had any ideas! On how to clear up whatever their misunderstanding is.

(That's a lie and he knows it. He doesn't ask Rei about it because he's...What, afraid? To look him in the eyes.

Rei's expression comes to mind. The one that had been overly fond, even if it was just for a few seconds, even if he can't remember the exact look of it -- Rin remembers seeing it, remembers feeling it, and that's all he needs to get embarrassed over it. What-- Why had Rei looked at him like that? It was embarrassing, goddammit! And--

\--And he really liked being looked at like that. Especially by him, because the guy usually acted overconfident to make up for how obviously dorky he was, and rarely handed out compliments unless he meant them, and he had said just earlier in the day that he really liked hanging out with him, and-- The whole buildup to the situation had already been embarrassing! Rei was a goddamn embarrassment! How could he ever survive that barrage of niceness?!

 

 

...Why had he liked it so much?!)

He backspaces and shoves his phone back into this pocket with a scowl. He'll figure this out later. Later!

* * *

_New Message!_

_From: Nagisa Hazuki_

_Subject: lets talk!!_

_hey reichan can we talk uve been weird with rinchan and i wanna know why!! im coming over rn!! also can i borrow ur math notes?? thanks!! and im gonna stay over cuz its late so thanks again!!!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2x combo! Nobody knows how to deal with their feelings. 
> 
> Rin hearing about the drowning thing way late though. Poor kid got left out of the loops.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love."

"Rei-chaaaaaan! Rei-chan, open the door!"

Rei looks out the peephole and wonders if he can get away with pretending he's asleep. Nagisa stares at the peephole like he knows Rei is behind the door though, with a childish grin that makes Rei sigh and open the door.

"Nagisa-kun, it is _late_ \--"

"--I know, I said so in my text, didn't I?" He barrels in like he owns the place. "Anyways, where's your math notes? I need to borrow them!"

"I never said you could borrow them!"

"Aw, come on, Rei-chan! Please? Pleeeeease? I really need to pass the next test!" He hems and haws on him, tugging at his sleeve, whining. "My education and all that! Don't you care about my future, Rei-chan?!"

"K-Keep it down, the neighbors--!"

"Rei-chan!"

"FINE!" He snaps, glaring, but Nagisa does as he does and just grins back at him.

"Thanks so much, Rei-chan!"

"You know, your grades would improve if you studied on a regular basis, and did NOT cram--"

"--Yeah yeah, I know, I know. So, about Rin-chan--"

"W-What about him?!" Rei fiddles with his glasses, "There's- There's nothing to talk about regarding him! And you changed the subject!"

"Aw, com'on, I know something funny is going on! Everyone does!" Nagisa points an accusatory finger at him. "You've been acting weird!"

He pauses. "Oops."

"What?!"

"Are your parents here?" Nagisa asks, sheepish. "Maybe I shouldn't be yelling."

Rei sighs, partially in relief, partially in exasperation. "You only thought of that now? And no, they aren't home. They're both working today."

"Through the night? Wow." He pauses again, dumping his backpack on the floor. "You must've inherited that for sure, Rei-chan."

Rei opts towards a silent, judgemental frown. Nagisa snickers, but then looks straight at him, and Rei takes a nervous step backwards, seeing the look in his eyes. "So, about Rin-chan. What's the matter?"

"Nothing. Nothing is the matter."

"Rei-chan," Nagisa says softly, "Does he know about it?"

For a moment, Rei stares at Nagisa, not quite comprehending, and then feels the blood rush to his head, tenses. "How did you--"

"I figured it out!" He taps the side of his head with a finger. "That Rin-chan knows that you confessed to me!"

"Ah, right, th-that." And he untenses. Nagisa hadn't been referencing his earlier panic about feelings then.

_He obviously wouldn't be, because he didn't know about it, because it happened today, and in your head._

Something about that thought sounds suspiciously like Rin. Rei shakes his head.

"Yeah, that! So he knows? For how long?" Nagisa frowns. "It couldn't have been recently, right? Or maybe it was, and that's why you're not as friendly anymore? But Rin-chan probably wouldn't care, and he seemed kinda...protective, I mean...I could've been wrong though..."

"No, he," Rei sighs, glancing resigned at the clock on the wall. "he's known since...I'm going to get my pajamas."

"Reeeei-chaaaan, don't dodge the question like that!"

"It's almost time for bed!"

Nagisa gives him a defiant stare. "Rei-chan! You better tell me, or else I'll tell Mako-chan you're hiding something, and then he'll give you that look!"

Rei winces. "Fine! I'll tell you! But only after I put on more comfortable attire!"

"Fine!"

And a few minutes later, they're in pajamas, standing in his living room, staring each other down.

Rei loses.

"He's known since...Since that day, actually."

Nagisa's eyes widen to what looks like impossible levels, and Rei worries for them. "Since that far back?! But you guys definitely weren't friends then! Did you tell him? How'd he find out?"

"Coincidence, honestly. It...It's a rather long story." His eyes look towards the carpet, straying over the rug, following the clean cut lines on the floor. 

Nagisa, in a strange act of benevolence, does not push it. Instead he says, "So...Why are you guys being weird then? Did something bad happen? Did you do something to Gou-chan?" He leers a bit. "If you did something to Gou-chan, maybe Rin-chan should be mad. But then we'd probably know about it too, so what's up?!"

"I have done nothing to Gou-san!" He snaps. "And Rin-san and I are NOT being weird!"

"But you are! You won't look at each other and you're not arguing very much, and even Haru-chan noticed something, that means it's really obvious that you guys are being weird!"

"Why does everyone think Haruka-senpai is bad at noticing things?!"

"Because it's Haru-chan! But come ooooooooon Rei-chan! Spill!"

"There is nothing--"

"It'll affect our performance as a team if you keep secrets! Come on! Please? I won't tell Mako-chan or Haru-chan, promise, but I really wanna know! It's no fun if you guys aren't friends!"

Nagisa looks at him with the begging eyes, wide and innocent, almost pleading, and Rei curses the fact that Nagisa will always be able to get him to talk. Always, probably until his deathbed.

With a sigh, he gestures for him to sit. Nagisa gives him a pleased grin and seats himself on the couch, expectant.

With a deep breath, he steels himself, swallows, and decides to begin with,

"It's my fault."

Which sets Nagisa off into, "WHAT?!" and "What did you do?!" and "Rei-chan...! Are you turning to a life of crime?!"

"NO!" He shouts, then paces, then stops pacing and rubs his arm awkwardly, because apparently that's what his body has chosen to do to relax. "I..."

How does he explain this, exactly? _'I might like Rin-san but I don't really know'_? _'I notice him too much and don't want to'_? It all sounds rather pathetic that way, and while he knows Nagisa won't tease him for something like that, it makes him uncomfortable nonetheless. He should know by now what these feelings are. He's felt like and love before, so why can't he name what he's feeling now?

"Rei-chan?"

"I...Might...I don't." Frustrated, a long sigh escapes him and he collapses (Inelegantly, to his further frustration, can't he at least make this less awkward?!) onto the couch next to Nagisa. "...I notice him too much."

"What do you mean?"

He bursts.

"It's his fault!" His hands fly about, gesturing at random, "He, with his bizarre ability to attract attention to himself, I-- He's too noticeable! I don't know what to do! I don't know if I'm-- if I'm attracted to him or-- or something else! He irritates me, but I'm fond of him even though he frustrates me! I get nervous around him! For no reason at all! Even when we aren't doing anything, I feel-- I feel anxious around him! It's so NOT BEAUTIFUL!"

The last line is rather irrelevant, but it tends to arise when he's this worked up. It is NOT beautiful after all, to be so un-composed, and Rei feels horrible when he feels like this, confused, lost. He's never been unable to work out problems, there's always a way, always a logical route to take, always something to rely on. Everything has an explanation, feelings are no exception, he knows this for certain, and yet, he can't place these.

For a moment, Nagisa stares at him like he's grown another appendage. Then he says, "You like Rin-chan?" as if Rei is telling him about the weather, or some other mundane thing, and Rei shrieks, "WERE YOU LISTENING TO ME AT ALL?!"

Nagisa holds his hands up in a surrendering gesture. "Of course I was! I was just sort of surprised! I mean, Rin-chan is...Well...I guess I could see it? He is kinda, uh, magnetic, like you said! I guess!"

"You weren't LISTENING!" His voice is shrill, "I don't KNOW if I have any sort of feelings for him, I can't tell, it's not the same as-- as with you! It's different! I don't understand it! Affection shouldn't be so confusing!" He sinks into the couch, sulky. He feels as if he's swam too much and gotten sluggish, limbs heavy, brain fuzzy.

"Rei-chan, you know," And Nagisa takes that tone that he sometimes has when he's saying something insightful, or something he at least thinks is insightful, "I think you think too much about it."

"What?" He scoffs. "That's-- The idea of 'thinking too much' is ridiculous. You can't think 'too much' about something. All that means is that you've given up on trying to logically explain it."

"But, I mean," And now Nagisa seems frustrated. "okay Rei-chan, I'll try to explain, since you don't get it. Uhmmm..."

He does something strange, scrubbing his head with his fists, and Rei stares at him, slightly concerned and slightly petulant that Nagisa doesn't seem to understand.

"Ah!" He stops the strange scrubbing. "Okay! I got it! Does Rin-chan make you happy?"

"Well, I wouldn't--"

Nagisa interrupts, tone insistent. "Does he?"

"I...Suppose?" He shrugs awkwardly. "I wouldn't have spent so much time with him if he didn't."

"Okay! So. Rin-chan makes you happy." Nagisa grins at him. "And you probably make him happy, 'cause Rin-chan really isn't the kind of person who'd spend time with people who bug him. Now, uhm," He stares off, looking like he's deep in thought, "Uhm, ah! You said you get anxious, right? Around Rin-chan? But uh, is it the bad kind?"

"Of course it's--"

He pauses.

Anxiety is naturally a bad thing. Categorically speaking, it's definitely bad, but...To say the anxiety he feels around Rin is _bad_ doesn't seem quite right. It's not comfortable, certainly, but. It's...

"...Not." Not bad.

He sinks further into the seat, if possible, mind turning over and over what that means, how anxiety can somehow be not bad, even though it's anxiety, but bad at the same time.

His head starts to hurt instead of helping. It's later than he usually stays up, he notes, glancing at the clock. His morning run is going to be _so_ tiring.

Nagisa though, seems full of energy at his answer, almost squirming in excitement in his seat. "So Rin-chan makes you happy, and you get nervous around him but it's not the bad kind of nervous!" He leans closer, eyes bright and smile wide, and Rei thinks that this would have made him terribly shy months ago, but now all he can think is _what is he so excited about?_

Time, he guesses, is powerful.

(That is ignoring the possibility that he might have started liking Rin, of course.)

"Do you wanna impress him?" Nagisa asks, and Rei gives him an indignant look.

"Nagisa-kun, that is the whole point of a rivalry -- besides improving each other through healthy competition, a rivalry is--"

"--No, no, but I don't mean in swimming or running or whatever! Just like, with anything, you know? Like that one time at karaoke, where you wanted to get a higher score than him or whatever!"

 _At that time_ , Rei thinks, mentally rolling his eyes, _I liked you_. Nonetheless, he thinks it through, answers, "Obviously. But--"

"Yeah," Nagisa pulls back, staring into space with a large smile, tapping his chin, "Yeah, so, he makes you happy, you get butterflies--" "--That is NOT what I said--" "--you wanna impress him...Oh! One more question!"

"Nagisa-kun, is there a point to all of this?!"

"Shh! I'll tell you after this question!" Rei gives him a flat look, but Nagisa seems wrapped up in whatever he's thinking, stretching out a dramatic pause before asking,

"You already said you notice him a lot, so...Do you want him to notice you the same way? Like, do you want him to think about you like you think about him?"

Nagisa's eyes are wide and innocent and expectant for an answer, and his throat feels very dry all of a sudden.

"That's..." He croaks weakly, not wanting to answer, "That...I don't see why I--"

"Hey, no running away from the question Rei-chan!" A finger is wagged in his face. "Do you? I mean, I think he does, to be honest." He stares off into space again, muttering. "I think? I dunno, Rin-chan is hard to crack! I could ask Gou-chan if he does..."

"Don't! Don't say anything to Gou-san!"

"It was just an idea, Rei-chan! An idea!" He backpedals quickly. "I won't, don't worry! But answer my question!"

"I..."

This is uncomfortable, to say the least. For several reasons. Does he want Rin to look at him like...Like however he's been looking? What...How exactly has he been looking at him? Rei tries to think, what would it be like if Rin looked at him and admired him, was drawn in by the small amount of magnetism he had(if any, does he have any? He doesn't know), felt flustered at the sight of him, felt...happy and nervous and confused all at once, and attracted, of all things.

Nagisa has a soft smile on his face when Rei murmurs, "Yes."

"So," He says, voice soft, "He makes you happy, you get butterflies -- okay, fine, _nervous_ , geesh Rei-chan -- and you wanna impress him. And you want him to feel that way about you too." Nagisa pats his arm. "Sounds like you like him to me!"

"W-" And despite himself, he pouts, "Well, if you put it that way, it seems obvious! But the feelings aren't logical at all!" He narrows his eyes. "Why would I feel nervous? Why would he still aggravate me so much? He's exasperating, it's not like that's changed! I still find him ridiculous! When I l-" He swallows, somehow, saying it feels strange, "-liked you, I understood it immediately! I wasn't so anxious about it, and I- I thought the things you did weren't as exasperating as they could have been! It-- It was obvious even to me!"

Nagisa merely shrugs, as if Rei hasn't said anything of too much importance. "Rei-chan, I guess you don't know this 'cause you're not used to it, but, feelings aren't supposed to make one hundred percent perfect sense all the time! At least, not according to most people."

He shrugs again, stretching his legs out. "You can't really make a feeling logical, it's like...Like Haru-chan and Mako-chan! Haru-chan is all quiet and stuff most of the time, and ignores people a lot, and Mako-chan is all, you know, nice to everybody! But they're best friends cause they work together!"

"I don't understand." Rei says flatly. "What do Haruka-senpai and Makoto-senpai have to do with this?"

Nagisa screws up his face in a thinking sort of way. "Like...Like...Like uhm," He glances around the room until his eyes fall on the small black dish on the table, there for decoration, with a white dot in the center. "Like the yin and yang thing! You need both of them, but they don't really mix together. They're separate things that can't really mix! But they work together really well. That's," He gestures, looking somewhat hopeless, "That's what I mean."

"So what you are trying to say,"  He filters through his words in his mind, trying to piece them together, "Is that I can't make feelings logical, because they aren't meant to be logical?"

"Yeah!"

"That sounds like nonsense." He frowns. "There are plenty of logical reasons behind feelings."

"But not all the time! Like sometimes, you just wake up sad you know? Or happy! But there's no reason!"

"There's plenty of reasons! Poor posture, or maybe time, or even brain activity--"

"--Aughhh, you're so difficult, Rei-chan!" He holds his head in his hands, moaning. "I dunno how to explain this to you, 'cause you're all science! And math! Reasons for everything! But feelings aren't like that!"

Rei just stares, feeling worn out again. If anything, now he's more confused on what Nagisa was trying to explain. 

Of course feelings had reasons. To not have reasons meant something was _wrong_ , you couldn't just feel things out of nowhere, not if you had proper functioning organs, at least. Logic touched everything.

Nagisa sighs, seemingly giving up on that line of conversation. "Well, _I_ think you like Rin-chan. I don't really know what it feels like to like someone like that, 'cause it hasn't happened to me yet, but," He gestures into space, "those are all the things people say mean you like somebody! If they make you happy, and you wanna impress them, but you get nervous around them too." He shakes his head. "And you want him to feel like that about you! Why would you want him to feel like that if you didn't like him? Don't you want someone to feel the same things as you if you like them? Would you want him to feel like that about someone else?"

"No!"

He answers faster than he thinks, and blinks, bewildered at himself. "No."

"No what?"

"No, I, I wouldn't want him to feel like that for someone else." He doesn't know where the words are coming from. Maybe because it's late. "I. I only would want him to think about me that way."

"But what way is that, Rei-chan?" And Nagisa frowns. "If it's not like, then what?"

"That's-- I." And biting his lip, the floodgates seem to crash open in his mind, overwhelming him with sudden feeling. There's a tightness in his chest, and it reminds him of Rin somehow, how he smiles and the exact same tightness sometimes grips him, when he grins while they talk about nothing important and how he gets flustered and pouts when Rei wins an argument, and how he had looked so peaceful and relaxed that Rei had swelled with self pride and fondness that Rin would be like that around him.

And if he ever heard Rin talk about someone else in the way he's telling Nagisa how he feels, he'd feel like--

"--Rei-chan? Are you okay?"

"I like Rin-san." He says, staring at the dish on the table, almost wondering rather than admitting. "I like him."

"I toooold you!" Nagisa says in return, and Rei wonders how he can take it in stride this well. "I knew it!"

"I still don't understand this," He gestures, feeling helpless, "why it feels like this, but I. I just--"

"--You just know, right? It's just what your guts tells you these feelings are? Just listen to your instincts sometimes, Rei-chan! If your instincts tell you that you like him, then you do." He smiles, patting him. "Simple! Don't try to think too much! Just trust yourself!"

"There's no such thing as thinking too much." He answers, but, somehow, he understands what Nagisa had been trying to say now. Sort of, at least. Something in his chest constricts and unwinds in silent understanding.

Nagisa pouts at him. "There is such thing, and you do it all the time, Rei-chan."

"I do not." He huffs. "And we should go to sleep. It's late."

"Oh, fine." Nagisa pouts, but when he glances at the clock, he doesn't argue. "I'm copying your notes in the morning though!"

* * *

After some time while the lights are off, Rei murmurs, "Thank you, Nagisa-kun."

"You're my best friend, Rei-chan." Nagisa mumbles, already drifting between awake and asleep. "You're welcome. Just be nice to Rin-chan now, okay?"

"I was always nice!"

"Mmhmm."

He's snoring. Rei turns and faces the wall, something turning in his chest.

Logically speaking, he should tell Rin. It's better, after all, to tell, to know for sure what the answer will be, to not be stuck in a series of questions, but.

He's scared. He tightens his grip on the sheets.

(He's terrified. Something, whatever's turning in his chest -- something tells him that it'll hurt more than the first time, rejection.

Rin, Rei thinks, would distance himself, because he wouldn't want any misinterpretations, wouldn't want to give Rei hope. He would want to give him time, space to get over it.

But that would hurt, that would make him ache, the thought alone already makes him want to curl up, makes him feel like he's withering inside.

He doesn't want that. Anything but Rin's disappearance from his life.)

He won't. He won't say anything. He'll apologize for his (according to Nagisa) erratic behavior, and then things will go back to as they were, and he'll just. Get over his feelings and maintain what they have. That's safer. There's a much larger guarantee that things will be all right between them forever that way.

He turns on his back and stares at the ceiling, thinking that no matter what, he can control what he feels if he tries hard enough. It's just a matter of mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you listen closely you can hear the sound of me typing furiously and nervously
> 
> I heavily doubt I will actually have this done by the first episode but, by the least, by the gods, I will have this done before the second. I got sidetracked by a personal project and some mental issues, but. But we're almost there! The final stretch! I hope!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It's not really bad to be a selfish, there are just things that should not be shared."

If there's a prize for anticlimactic acts, Rei should win it.

Rin stares at him, eyes narrow.

Who on Earth comes up to someone they've been avoiding for two weeks(and a half, not that he was counting), says, 'Sorry if I've been acting strangely', and then acts like nothing happened? Who even does something like that?

 _Rei,_ he thinks darkly, _Rei does that._

It's not that he's upset that Rei will look and talk to him again, that's a good thing, for the most part, it's just that-- well-- he'd been expecting some kind of reason, an explanation, even just a conversation on why he'd been dodgy, not...not nothing! Even just a short, 'I ate something weird and it messed me up for two weeks'! It was a reason, at least!

Okay, so he wouldn't have bought that. But...Seriously? Not even a word about why?

_If you were aware of it, you could have said why, geesh._

As it is, he's just been left hanging. At least, that's what he feels like, and he frowns. But he can't just ask about it either, if Rei won't say why, there's obviously a reason for it.

(Even though it annoys him that Rei won't say why.)

"Why're you pouting, Rin-chan?"

"I'm not!"

"Really?" Nagisa slides up next to him, giving him a creepy look, eyes squinting. "It looked like you were to me though! Is it 'cause of Rei-chan?"

"No!" He snaps, and Nagisa just shrugs and grins.

"Oh, okay! Sorry then!" And he runs towards Rei, who's climbing out of the pool. Rin's eyes narrow again.

And then there's that.

 _That_ being Nagisa and Rei being all buddy-buddy all of a sudden. Makoto and Haru seem to think it's normal, but Rin finds it weird, how friendly they are. Sure, Nagisa has always been tactile, and overly open, but there's just something different about it, Rin is sure. Rei seems flustered, whatever Nagisa is saying to him, it's making him turn red, and Rin's eyes narrow even further.

Nagisa pulls Rei by the arm towards him, and he gets up from the bench, trying to shake off the feeling that's been stewing in his stomach.

"Rin-chan! What'd you think of Rei-chan's butterfly this time?" Rei looks even more embarrassed, glaring at Nagisa, who sends him a grin that can only be described as 'sneaky'.

(It bugs him. Inside joke or something probably, he thinks, but it bugs him. Why do they have something like that all of a sudden? What's Rei been doing the past two and a half weeks?

Or maybe they've had it for a long time. Before he came into the picture.)

He shakes his head. What the hell was he thinking just now? What the hell was that? He should be happy for Rei, having his once-friend-then-crush-then-awkward-friend-again being close to him after all that.

(Though honestly, since New Years they've been perfectly fine with each other. It's just that he'd been stepping in between them...

...Because he had felt like it was his responsibility to help Rei out! Just in case Rei still felt awkward! The guy was always like that! Not his fault--)

"Rin-rin!" Nagisa is pulling on his arm now, and Rin blinks, wondering how long he's been doing that. "Come back!"

"Don't call me that." He answers, gently pulling his arm from Nagisa's grip. "And I wasn't gone or anything, what did you mean by 'come back'?"

"You were staring off into space, so I thought you had gotten your soul taken away or something."

"Nagisa-kun!" Rei looks horrified. "That's- That's highly improbable!"

"Ghosts, Rei-chan! Spirits! Don't you believe?"

"No!"

He looks ill, and Rin snickers, mood lifted a bit. "Dunno, maybe I was. I can't remember what I was thinking about."

"Be careful, Rin-chan! You wouldn't want to be spirited away!"

"I won't."

"R-" Rei looks almost green now, and Rin takes some private delight in the look on his face, "Rin-san, please don't joke like that..."

"What if it's not a joke?" He says, managing solemn for a total of five seconds before laughing at Rei. "Geesh, you're superstitious."

"I am not!"

He's redder than before, and his hand goes towards his face in that habit he has, except there's no glasses on his face, and when he pauses in realization, Rin laughs, doubling over.

"Quit laughing!"

He laughs harder. Rei looks annoyed and embarrassed all at once, and Rin feels fine, like he hadn't been brooding three minutes ago over something as stupid as Rei and Nagisa talking to each other.

This is better. This is how things usually are.

"It's okay Rei-chan. You're just really nerdy, that's all." Nagisa pats him on the arm as if he's a pitiful sight.

"I AM NOT!"

"Nah, you are." He straightens up. "And your butterfly was okay. Could have been less jerky, but you're usually like that."

"Jerky?"

"You still move stiffly sometimes. Like you're fighting against the water too much."

"You sound like Haruka-senpai." He mutters, knowing that it bugs Rin, and he takes to the bait.

"I sound nothing like Haru, you-!"

He grips Rei in a headlock, which Rei squirms in, and Nagisa cheers him on.

 _Yeah_ , _this_ , Rin thinks, laughing, _this is better._

* * *

Summer training session is the worst, Rin thinks. Especially now that he has to direct all the members, there's no time for him to sit down without some other problem arising.

"Hey, Matsuoka--" Thank god most of them call him that, the title 'captain' doesn't feel right somehow, "Are we gonna have a relay against the Iwatobi guys?"

"Maybe tomorrow." He scratches the back of his his neck, "Everyone is too tired from the trip to make it worthwhile."

The guy nods, then runs back to the pool. Rin's eyes stray over the scene before he looks around further, then to the far corner of the pool.

Why had he invited them again?

He scowls. Right, because Makoto had said he was going to go through with the ocean thing, and Rin couldn't let that slide. A joint practice trip was better than letting them go off and almost drown again.

With the thought, his eyes go towards Makoto, who's talking to one of his members -- tsk, slacking off isn't allowed, he'll have to talk to him later -- and then Rei, who's arguing with Nagisa over arm strokes, by the looks of it.

Rei's head turns and catches his eye, so suddenly that Rin just blinks in surprise.

He smiles a small smile, but before Rin can reciprocate, Nagisa has taken his attention again, almost shoving him underwater in an attempt to show him something, and Rin bites the inside of his cheek.

(What is he getting angry about? There's nothing to get angry about. He's too busy to be looking anyways. He should be doing captain things, whatever those are, he's still trying to figure that out.)

He turns away and heads back into the water to do his own laps. He's got energy to burn, all of a sudden, and there's no better way then tearing through the water.

* * *

This is really, really not good.

He gripes in the darkness, staring at the ceiling, feeling worn out and yet, he can't sleep.

Three days into this goddamn training, and Rin is starting to think he's going insane.

It's not the training really, or even the work he has to do after as captain -- it's just -- he can't get it off his mind, all of a sudden.

It meaning Rei, the nagging, overbearing, ridiculous guy.

Ever since they've started talking again, for the past month, Rei will sometimes go extremely quiet, staring off into space with a dazed kind of look that genuinely worries him. It only lasts for a few seconds, but it happens when they're alone, and when he asks about it (just offhand, he doesn't want to scare him off or something), Rei acts like he never did it in the first place.

Rei is terrible at acting.

Something is wrong with him, Rin is sure, and that's what's been ragging at him the whole time they've been here. It's been ragging on him since they started talking again, to be honest. Anywhere they go, it happens, sometimes Rin catches him staring out the window of the restaurant with a look that's almost wistful, and then Rei returns from whatever thoughts like he hadn't been drifting at all.

It's weird.

(And sometimes he doesn't notice Rin staring, and keeps drifting, and his face changes expressions -- sometimes it goes fond, and Rin wants to know what exactly he's looking at like that. What is he thinking about? What's making him look so happy? That expression -- it's so similar to the one that Rin recalls.

And then sometimes his expression goes flat, sad almost, an empty look that Rin hates seeing on his face, hates recognizing. Regretful. Distressed. It's not right, seeing Rei look like that, that's not what he should be like.

He always tries to snap Rei out of it whenever his face gets that way, and asks, but Rei never says.)

He gets up out of bed, sleep be damned. He'll take a quick walk and then come back, and hopefully that'll wear him out enough to get him to go to bed and actually sleep.

His feet take him to the beach, where the sound of the ocean reminds him of home, and a certain restlessness always touches him. Without meaning to, his eyes scan over the ocean and the sand, and nothing catches his eye until he reaches the far end, where--

_\--Oh hell no._

He doesn't realizes he's running until he feels his heart thunk against his rib cage, the crunch of the sand against his sneakers, and he crashes into Rei with very little grace, who shouts in surprise before they both fall over in a heap in the sand.

"You can't be serious, you should have learned--"

"--Rin-san, what are you talking about?! And why did you crash into me?!"

"Swimming in the ocean! At night! When no one is around!" He glares, furious. "I thought you knew better than that!"

"I was NOT going to swim, and how did you find out about that?!"

"Yeah right! Why are you out here then?!"

"I couldn't sleep!" He glares. "And get off of me! This is extremely uncomfortable!"

They glare at each other, but Rin looks away first, with a 'tch' as he moves off of Rei.

"Well good." He mutters, "You can't do that again."

His heart's still pounding. The second the idea had hit him, he had panicked. Rei couldn't-- He didn't need another person so important to disappear like that. No one else-- and what if one of the other guys--

Rin frowns, looking around.

"Weren't you guys camping? Where are the tents?"

Rei colors slightly, face turning pink. "I...I've been walking for quite some time now."

"They're that far away?"

"They-- They're still in sight!"

Rin squints, and sure enough, in the distance, there's some oddly colored dots. But the distance is pretty far. Too far for something as simple as not being tired, though he's one to talk.

With a sigh, he digs his fingers into the sand and looks at Rei, who's still pouting a little.

"So what's on your mind?"

"N-" The look of panic is quick to flash by, "Nothing much. Just training."

Right, Rin thinks, but doesn't push, suddenly tired. That had been scary, dammit, he'd been terrified out of his skin at the thought of losing Rei. He sneaks another glance at him, curiosity coming back as he watches Rei stare at the ocean with a look that he hasn't seen before. Contemplative?

"Oi, Rei."

"Y-Yes?"

"You're a bad liar." He'd only meant to say it as an offhand sort of 'I bet you're hiding something', but the way Rei flinches doubles his curiosity. "Spill."

"I," He does that glasses thing, and Rin can't help but snicker at the familiar gesture, "I keep telling you, there's nothing--"

"I just said you're a bad liar, idiot." Rin leans back, hands against the sand, and stares. "I know you pretty well now."

"...I suppose so." He turns his eyes away from his gaze, and something about that sparks a hint of irritation in Rin. Still, he feels like he's getting somewhere, so he refrains from saying anything.

The sand is grainy and yet, smooth against his skin when Rei murmurs, "Rin-san...If...If I told you I might have feelings for someone again, would you support me?"

Sand is getting under his nails, digging at his skin. He sinks his hands further into the sand, feeling the cool second layer without even thinking.

Inside him, there's a whiplash. Relentlessly, dozens of feelings bounce around, but the main one stings, familiar.

* * *

When he stares at the sea, Rei thinks that he's done all right, given the circumstances. Better than all right, he's done his absolute best to avoid revealing anything, and it seems to have worked, seeing as Rin hasn't started avoiding him.

(Aside from all the times he can't help but think of the possibilities. The problem with allowing for no answer is that his mind will endlessly run through the things that could be, no matter how slim. When you leave something open, he thinks, things like this happen, where you can't let go, but you can't keep holding on either.

So he's trapped in a limbo of possibilities, but it's better than losing what he has. He's worked so hard to keep this, suppressing his feelings deeply, pushing them places where he can avoid them until later.)

Rin's silence is wracking his nerves, though he doesn't want to sneak a glance, afraid at what his face might give away.

It...It was an innocent question, wasn't it? To ask your friend if they'd support you...That...That didn't say anything more, did it?

"...Depends." And that's alarming. Rei looks up and at him, nervous, but Rin isn't looking at him anymore. "What are they like?"

This is. Not what he had expected, but, Rei bites his lower lip, it's...A fair question, he guesses. Rin is very protective, after all, and wanting to know what the person your friend liked was like was...Was normal, all things considered. Didn't girls gossip in the classroom sometimes about things like that? He had never really eavesdropped, the topic was never interesting to him, but, he's certain he recalls some kind of conversation like that.

"They're..." He searches for words that won't give it away, but will satisfy the curiosity that Rin holds, "...Kind."

"Ha?" A snort. "Details?"

"They...They've watched over me." He extends his arm until his hand grasps a fistful of sand, wondering what kind of rocks were worn down to make it. "I trust them...They," He smiles, thinking back, "They're aggravating, occasionally. They never act accordingly. Illogical."

"Sounds like a perfect match." Rin mutters, and Rei wishes that hadn't hurt the way it did.

Softly, he answers, "They're all I can think about. I don't understand why, but I do."

* * *

 _That's_ the expression, that's the one that had driven him nuts before. That look on Rei's face, full of fondness, gentle, it comes back to Rin full force, that moment in his dorm room.

Rei had looked at him like that. At least, he thinks Rei had looked at him, but now something bitter inside him wonders if Rei had been thinking of someone else when they'd been together.

Something way too bitter is clawing around his insides at Rei's words, his expression. Who makes him look like that? What had they done?

_If it were--_

"--Rin-san?" Rei peers at him, and Rin blinks. "Are you all right? You went quiet, all of a sudden."

"Rei, who are they?"

"Eh, ah, I--"

"Do I know them? Does Nagisa already know who it is? Have you talked to him?" 

Why does he sound like that? Why is he asking him all these questions? Why is he acting like this, like some kind of brat who's jealous? What is he jealous of?

"I--" Rei looks off to the side again, and Rin grits his teeth. He's agitated, dammit, there's a scribble-like feeling whirring away inside him, he grabs Rei by the collar and forces him to look.

_Look at me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh god I have no idea what s2's schedule is when do the subs come out er /sweats
> 
> either way we really are almost done. For the sake of this fic, sousuke doesn't exist and Rin adopts captain duties, just....Mikoshiba likes to visit.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And I can't say it's what you know,  
> but you've known it the whole time."

There's a sharp tug on the collar of his shirt, and he half turns, half falls towards Rin, only managing to steady himself at the last second.

"R-Rin-san?!"

Rin is looking at him in a way that Rei has never experienced, and his thoughts crash and burn in a frenzy. What-- What had he said to make him look like this? Had he said something terrible by mistake? Had he let it slip somehow? He tries to think it through, but he can't recall his own words, the look on Rin's face kills his ability to think, his thoughts die out before they have a chance to really form.

His heart flutters, jumps at the intensity of Rin's gaze. As furious as it seems, there's something he doesn't know embedded in it, drawing him to look even though he doesn't know what it is.

It scares him, but the shiver that crawls up his spine is pleasant. Contradictory as always, though, in the back of his mind, he has a thought that he's starting to enjoy it.

And Rin isn't saying anything, he's just looking at Rei, and Rei finds that he's reflected in his eyes -- as implausible as it seems.

* * *

He'd acted before he'd thought about it, and now he doesn't know what to say. The words he'd meant to say, whatever they were, had left him when Rei had looked at him, eyes wide in confusion.

This, Rei's eyes on him, fills him with something satisfying and yet, there's something still missing, something he still wants.

"Who are they?" The words tumble out of his mouth without warning, and when Rei starts to avert his eyes, he clicks his tongue in frustration. "Rei."

_Look at me. Don't look at anyone else like that._

(Why is he being like this? Why is he getting jealous of some person that Rei might like? So what if his friend has a crush on someone else, it's not like he has a crush on Rei or anything--)

(No, he doesn't, the idea is ridiculous--)

(-- _I just want him to look at me_.)

"I- I don't see why you have to know exactly who--"

His shirt is thin in his fist as he pulls him closer, grips it tighter, heart thrumming in his chest with the words _look at me._

(What does he have to do to be reflected in his eyes? What does he have to do to get Rei to see him, to stop looking into the distance at someone who isn't even there? What does he have to do to get Rei's eyes on him again with that expression, what does he have to do?)

(How long has he wanted this? Since they started talking again? Earlier? Since they first started talking at all? How long has he thought that it was only natural that Rei look at him? When did he start wanting to monopolize his kindness, his attention, his trust?

He doesn't know. His heart is a blur and his thoughts are instinct, and his words are lost.)

* * *

When force and gravity pull him closer, Rei doesn't know what to expect, but he keeps his eyes wide open, hoping he'll be able to react quickly enough to avoid being hurt, if possible.

Rin's teeth scratch his lower lip, and he yelps when he feels the sting.

* * *

_Fuck._

When the salt and metal of blood hit his tongue, that's when his brain starts working again, but by then he's already got his mouth on Rei's, and none of him wants to pull away, save for the part shrieking, 'I thought I was straight'.

(He had never thought about this! He'd been focused on swimming! He hadn't spent so much time with anyone else before, he hadn't ever expected things to turn out like this, he'd thought he was going to end up with a wife and a kid like his dad, but Rei, Rei was--)

\-- _is_  stiff.

Rin pulls himself away, almost throwing himself back, palms hitting the sand hard enough to sting, not that he notices.

Rei is definitely looking at him now, and now Rin wishes he wasn't. His lip is sort of bleeding, and he looks like he's in shock, and Rin mentally winces, because really, this was just...Awful, no matter how he looked at it. No one wanted to be ambushed by someone they thought was their friend, and that was probably his first kiss, and he's screwed up for himself. Whatever slim chances he had with Rei before -- if there had even been any chance at all -- had probably gotten destroyed when he'd gone and broken his trust like that. How could he do that? What had he been thinking?

He's screwed up so badly. He hasn't felt like this since he messed up at the tournament, and that had been ages ago, and as the feeling starts sinking into his stomach, he thinks that this might actually be worse.

Rei still hasn't moved. Rin's not even sure if he's blinked.

"...Uh."

Smooth. His eyes go down towards the sand. Looking at Rei hurts, dammit.

"...Uhm." Cautiously, he sits slightly more upright, pulling himself away from Rei at the same time. "Rei? You...Okay?"

Rei continues to stare at him with that dumbstruck look, and Rin feels awful. For several reasons.

(Licking his lips is not appropriate right now, why had he even thought about that? Whatever Rei tastes like isn't going to just-- god, why is this happening right now. Why is he thinking about this right now. This is the least appropriate time for this. There is no appropriate time for this, but right now is the least--)

"Rin."

* * *

He hears himself saying Rin's name, but he doesn't really register that he has. He's not really sure if he's capable of registering anything.

His thoughts default.

Why had he been so angry before he kissed him? Why had he done that? That was the least logical way of progressing to that kind of thing that Rei had ever heard of! Wasn't Rin a hopeless romantic? Didn't he know better than that?

"That was so." He takes a breath, "Not beautiful."

"What?"

"I cannot believe," He's not sure what is coming out of his mouth, but vaguely, he recognizes something like a note of hysteria, "that you would do something like that."

Rin seems to be pained, but before he can say anything, Rei continues. "I cannot believe that you would kiss me, when just seconds before, you had seemed mad beyond reason at me. That- That's so illogical. I can't understand what made you think that was going to be a good idea."

"...What?"

"Illogical!" Now he's hearing hysteria for sure. "You- That was my first kiss, and it was executed so awkwardly! It should have been a beautiful memory, but instead I'll remember it as an illogical act! That's such a--"

"--Rei, what the hell?"

"--I had thought that you would be the type to do something special, not just kiss someone out of nowhere!"

He feels that, if he stops talking, he'll faint.

"I had imagined that you would-- Would do it somewhere nice, and that it'd be carefully executed, and maybe a little awkward but, it wouldn't have given me a cut! How sharp are your teeth anyways?! Go see a dentist about those! That can't be good for you! How do you not cut your own mouth?!"

Rin is looking at him with his mouth hanging open, and Rei, in hysteria, points at his teeth. "See! Those teeth! Are they genetic? I've meant to ask Gou-san, but she doesn't seem to have them!"

"You," Rin's face is red, "You've thought about kissing me."

"Of course I have!" The back of his mind is saying that maybe he should stop now, but the rest of him is too busy being bewildered and, frankly, insulted. Of course he'd imagined that. He'd imagined nearly everything! His imagination was very vivid, regardless of what Nagisa accused him of! "I've thought about it for weeks now! Why do you think I avoided you? I didn't understand why I thought you were captivating! Nagisa-kun had to explain to me what it meant; despite the fact that you are illogical and frustrating and hard to deal with, I like you! I--"

"--You don't understand why," Rin finishes, and Rei just feels irritated at the interruption, "but you do."

"That- That is exactly right." He pauses. His thoughts are winding down again, and

_Oh no._

He screeches, and Rin backs away, looking alarmed. Rei can feel the blood rush up to his head, face burning, and that-- He hadn't done that, had he? He hadn't just admitted everything, that couldn't have just happened, that obviously hadn't just happened just now--

"Rei, oi," Rin is saying something to him, "Rei!"

"So- I'm- Sorry!" Stuttering, "S-Sorry! I-- Ignore all of that! You k-" How had he said any of this earlier?! "K-kissing me confused me, that's all! I have definitely not thought about- About anything I just said! I didn't say any of that! I--"

Rin grasps his shoulders and shakes him hard enough that his glasses go askew. He blinks.

"Rei." Rin looks at him, and his face burns again, "Calm down."

He turns his head. He can't look at him. Rin's hands on his shoulders don't help.

"You." Rin is oddly quiet, "You like me?"

* * *

Oh god. This is like, this is, this is like something out of the books that his mom sometimes reads and he just happens to pick up. This can't be happening. He can't have just realized his feelings, only to learn that they're reciprocated, that Rei's been crushing on him for weeks apparently, since who knows when. It's too cliche. It's too much like a story to make sense.

Rei doesn't answer, but his whole face turns a shade redder, if possible, and his ears too.

(It's cute. He didn't think that.)

"Rei?"

"...I already said."

"I thought you had 'definitely not' meant any of that--"

Rei turns to look at him, face still flushed, indignant. "Don't tease me! And what about you? You- You're the one who ki...Kissed me!"

It's his turn to blush and turn his head away. "I- That was- So what?!"

"So what does that mean?! Do you just kiss people you don't like? Is that an Australian thing?!"

"No!" He glares, and Rei glares back.

"W-Well then? What was that?"

"I-" How had Rei managed this, his hands slide down and grip Rei's arms instead, "I guess--"

"You GUESS?" And he sounds hysterical.

"This isn't easy for me, okay?!"

"It wasn't for me either!"

"It sure looked like it!"

"I was in shock!" He adjusts his glasses, they match his face, Rin can't help but think, snide, "I was babbling! You overwhelmed me! I was saying anything to keep myself from fainting!"

"Who faints after something like that?!"

"I would have!"

"You," Rin gripes, "You're so...Weird."

"I--"

"That's why I like you."

"--am no..." Rei blinks, "...Oh."

He keeps his eyes on Rei, loosening his grip on his arms. When the words hit, it seems like Rei doesn't know what to say, his mouth opens and closes.

"...That was cheating." He says with a pout. But he doesn't complain any further, and Rin can finally see himself in his eyes, a clear reflection, even through his glasses.

It's so _satisfying._

"Hey," He whispers, pulling himself closer, "Do you...Do you want a better memory?"

"...I don't know how you say things like that." Rei whispers back.

But he leans forward despite himself, and Rin can't stop the smile that spreads across his face.

* * *

He'll remember his first kiss as a strange failure, and his second as a gentle memory, a touch so light and weak that he wants to make sure it really happened.

So they do it again. Several times, with his glasses sometimes getting in the way until Rin takes them off, and the sound of the sea somehow is smaller than the sound of their lips parting.

(The back of his mind reminds him that his ears are much closer to his lips than the sea is, but that-- He can't think about those things when there's the soft press of Rin's kiss occupying his senses.)

This feeling is airy, and for once, he understands the phrase 'on cloud nine'.

When Rin draws back with a breath, Rei waits, unsure of what's happening.

"...I gotta, uhm, I should...Get back to the inn. I. You should get some sleep. We're training. Tomorrow."

He seems dazed, not that Rei is faring any better. He can only manage a small nod.

"Uh," Rin raises a hand and rubs the back of his neck, still not getting up, "Yeah. I'll. See you tomorrow?"

"Joint practice." Rei murmurs.

"Right." He still hasn't gotten up, staring at the sea with a flush on his cheeks, and Rei, through what feels like an extreme force of will, gets up and holds out a hand for him to take.

He does, rising slowly, and when he's fully standing they end up kissing again until Rin lets go of his hand and steps back with an expression that says he'd rather do the opposite.

"...See ya."

Rei just nods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everyone's comments gives me strength idk if I've ever said that but it is the Truth
> 
> I just really. Really want to get this done before second ep airs. Like. I'm seriously struggling here, but, I think I may only write one more chapter and then we'll be done.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning." // "All's well that ends well!"

"Hey, Haru, did something seem strange between Rei and Rin to you?"

"I guess."

"Eh? Did I just imagine it?"

* * *

When he wakes up, he prays to whatever god that's listening that last night was not an extremely realistic feeling dream.

Nagisa is softly snoring to his left, and by the looks of it, it's still early morning; soft light filters in from the mesh. He considers trying to go back to sleep, but they have to be at the pool by eight, so that's probably not a good idea. It doesn't seem that early.

He sits up and stares at the closed tent flap. He definitely remembers walking along the beach, thinking, but the rest is...

Heat rises to his cheeks. He hadn't been tired enough to hallucinate, surely? He doesn't remember feeling that tired, so he probably did meet Rin on the beach, though, it doesn't seem very...Real.

Logically speaking, the probability of such an event is...Low. Incredibly low. Near zero, in fact, that everything would work out so well, and it's both insulting and thrilling to think about, that he'd beaten his own self made statistics. The odds had been against him, and yet he'd succeeded anyways.

Well, maybe. A sinking feeling comes over him as he realizes he doesn't know what Rin thinks of last night. For all he knows, Rin thought of it as a strange dream, or maybe a nightmare--

\--N-no, that couldn't be possible, after all, Rin had kissed him first! That was his doing!

He should treat things as usual, and speak to Rin later about it. After practice today, he decides, that'd be best. Prudent.

...Or maybe he should send him a text message instead? Would it be too forward to ask him about their newfound relationship(if there was one at all), directly? That might come off as pressuring him for the answer he wants, Rei remembers reading an article in a teen magazine months ago about something like that. But he prefers doing things like this face to face, but...If Rin's answer is something flippant...or negative...But that's so unlikely! At least, he hopes it's as unlikely as he thinks, given that yesterday he may have just beaten all his own statistics, his trust in those is thin at the moment.

...Why is he worrying about this so early in the morning?!

_Forget it! I'll just treat him normally!_

(Whatever normally _means_ now.)

* * *

"Hey, Rei-chan, you've been looking at your phone a lot more lately! Actually, ever since our summer break, you've been looking at it lots! Talking with Rin-chan?"

"I- I do not! Am not! I look at it in the exact same amount as before!"

"You can't hide it from me, Rei-chan! Ah, but isn't Rin-chan busy studying for exams? Are you lonely?"

"I am NOT talking to Rin-san, nor am I lonely, Nagisa-kun!"

"Well, okay! But, Rin-chan seemed really stressed the last time we saw him. I guess he's studying hard even though he's going to be scouted? Isn't that kinda weird?"

"He's focusing on his studies just in case, and besides, an intelligent athlete is allowed more career paths. He's said so himself."

"Wow...But, how would you know that if you weren't talking to him? I don't remember him saying that the last time we all met!"

"I- Well, I mean I- Don't ask so many questions!"

"Ahahaha, you made a weird noise just now, Rei-chan! Being in love must be making you even weirder!"

"QUIT TALKING, NAGISA-KUN!"

"Wow, Rin-chan's really influenced you."

"He has NOT!"

* * *

Groggily, Rin opens his eyes and groans at the time. Ten minutes before his alarm, too late to go back to sleep, but just early enough to question why the universe had decided to do that.

He lies back, staring at the ceiling, trying to will himself into getting up. Nitori is still sleeping, so he doesn't touch the alarm.

Why is he so groggy? He's usually pretty awake first thing in the morning--

\--He bolts upright, swallowing. Last night. _Last night._

Had that even been real? What-- Did he really do that? Did they really do any of that?

(He hopes so, some part of him, because he remembers what it felt like, seeing Rei's face, Rei's mouth--)

\--Wait, no, how long-- Has he always been interested in guys? He doesn't think so, though, it would sort of make his weird elementary thing for Haru make sense, but, still, that had been more of an admiration thing, he thinks? Maybe? That's what he'd thought, but, he hadn't disliked kissing Rei, that was for sure, but, maybe that was just Rei and not anyone else--

\--The alarm starts ringing, and he jolts, practically falling out of his bed in a heap with a thump.

"Senpai," Nitori says, sounding sleepy, "You're up?"

"Yeah." He tries to rise, nonchalant, but that's hard when his blanket is determined to trap him. "Get dressed. Busy day today, you know?"

"Ah, right..."

_Thank god he's not a morning person._

* * *

"Are you all righ-- Rin-san! Honestly! Studying is ineffective if you don't eat or drink anything!"

"Can't you just call me Rin already?"

"It- It's just a force of habit."

"Yeah, but..."

"But what?"

"...Nothing."

"You're being rather obtuse, you realize."

"I'm tired!"

"I suppose that is true. Though you wouldn't be as tired if you just ate something."

"Quit lecturing. Ai already did that."

"As he should, because honestly--"

"--I'll eat if you call me 'Rin' then."

"What- What kind of- Rin-san, why are YOU turning red?!"

* * *

"Rei, are you all right? You seem a little off today."

"I'm fine! Sorry to worry you, Makoto-senpai."

"Are you sure?" Makoto gives him a once over. "You almost swam into the wall before."

"I, I was up a bit late, but I'm fine, don't worry."

"Couldn't sleep?"

Makoto's smile is empathetic, and Rei mentally winces. He hates lying, especially to Makoto, and while it's not technically a lie, it feels too much like one for his liking.

"Something like that."

He dives back in before Makoto can question him further. He swims, but he can't focus, not with Rin's voice ringing around the pool area. He's barking out orders, seems tense, which makes Rei tense, because what if it's his fault? What if Rin had regrets about it? What if he was actually disgusted in some way, what if--

\--His hands hit the wall and he yelps, pulling back and standing in the water, shaking his hands.

He has to stop thinking about this until he can talk to Rin. This is just unacceptable behavior.

* * *

"I- I've never--"

"Neither have I, you know?!"

"Well you certainly seem more confident about it!"

"We've gone to the movies like four times! I- I don't really think it's that different!"

"But this is our first official...da-date..."

"I-- I know! But you don't have to be so nervous about it, geesh!"

"Rin-san--"

"--When are you going to drop the '-san'?!"

"Why are you so hung up about that?!"

* * *

"Hey, Matsuoka, you're going to get a bald spot if you keep rubbing the back of your head like that."

Rin snaps, "Shut up, Akizawa", but the guy just snickers and walks off with a kickboard. Rin files away in the back of his mind to get him back sometime later, but not five seconds have passed when he hears Rei's yelp from the other end of the pool, and he looks over, trying not to look too quickly and failing miserably.

The guy seems to have hit the pool wall mid-stroke. Rin rolls his eyes, but at the same time, he has to root his feet into place before he goes running over there to check on him. What is he thinking, slamming his hand into the wall like that?

(Probably about last night. Probably the same thing Rin's been trying not to think about all day, because when he remembers all sorts of things start running through his mind, and he really can't afford to be so distracted while trying to captain a whole group of people. But Rei, with his stupidly vivid hair and stupidly obvious body(language!), Rei is distracting and Rin knows he's been doing that nervous tick thing that he has no control over since he woke up, Nitori has given him at least five worried looks in the past three hours.

He can't stop thinking about it. What did Rei think? Did he mean what he said or was he just caught up in the moment? Rin isn't sure he wants to know.

But Rei had said all that stuff last night! It really-- He couldn't have been making all of it up on the spot.

And considering how much he wants to do with Rei, his own mind is made up, dating a guy can't be all _that_ hard--)

_\--Not the time for this, not the time for this, not the time._

Mentally chanting the same thing over and over, he turns his head from Rei's direction and barks, "Kickboard segment is over, start with the arm training!"

* * *

"No, YOU got us kicked out after you started crying about the main love interest, AGAIN!"

"Oo, tell us more, Rei-chan."

"YOU PROMISED NOT TO TALK ABOUT THAT!"

"G-Guys..."

"Well YOU promised not to mention my accidental fire incident, but you told Haruka-senpai AND Makoto-senpai!"

"What? What was that? Rin-chan, don't leave me out, I want the details too!"

"That was because--!"

"Rei, really, Rin only told us because we pressured him a little! Don't get mad at Rin!"

"Aw Mako-chan, don't get in between their quarrel!"

"Still, Rin promised! That's so dishonest--"

"--You called him 'Rin' just now."

"Haru?"

"Huh?"

"Oh, I see what you mean, Haru! When did you start calling Rin so casually, Rei?"

"I-"

"Aw, no fair Rin-chan! Rei hasn't even stopped calling me 'Nagisa-kun'! He was my friend first!"

"It-- It's not a big deal or anything! Rin simply wouldn't let up on the subject. He forced me to, really."

"I did not!"

* * *

 Now. Now is the best time, and Rei gathers up his courage and walks towards the inn that the Samezuka members are staying at. Practice is over, it's evening, but there's plenty of time to talk, right after dinner.

"Hydrogen, helium, lithium..." He mutters, trying to sooth his nerves, but it doesn't work, which makes it worse. His eyes go downcast. What is he going to say? How is he going to address this? Will Rin even listen to him? What if he just wants to forget the whole thing--

"Hey, watch o-- Rei?!"

He hadn't even noticed he'd walked into someone, and that someone was Rin, and this was already not going as he had planned. He adjusts his glasses.

"Er, Rin-san."

There's an awkward silence as they stand in the middle of the walkway, not quite looking at each other. Rei doesn't know where to start. At last night? Before then?

"Let's," Rin says, and he snaps to attention, "Let's talk somewhere else. Not here."

He turning red, and Rei nods, mostly because he can't find the ability to speak, all of a sudden. This...Is good? Hopefully? Rin isn't running away, which is a...Good sign. He thinks.

They wander down to the beach, and Rei feels awkward, recalling last night, and how light he'd felt, the feel of it all--

"Rei, uh,"

"Y-Yes?!"

"Uh."

They're quiet again, walking down the edge of the waves and the sand.

He swallows. This-- He's at least partially responsible, so he should act like it, right? He should clear this up before it becomes a big(bigger?) problem.

"R...Rin-san, about...Last night."

"...What about it?"

"Did you, uhm," He swallows again, looking away, "Did you mean it?"

"Did you?"

"Of course I did!" He frowns, indignant, "Why would I lie about something like that?!"

"I don't mean you lied, but you could have been caught up in the moment, or something! I- I mean, I'm just trying to make sure!" Rin runs a hand through his hair, and Rei finds it oddly endearing, "I...I've never really thought about this kind of stuff before."

"What 'kind of stuff' are you talking about, Rin-san?"

"About...Liking people, that kind of stuff! I...I just kind of figured I'd get married like my dad and have kids and...Regular stuff."

_That_ is surprisingly unpleasant to hear, even though Rei had thought about Rin responding with something like that.

"Is...Is that what you want? Because I--"

"No, it's not." Rin glances at him, and Rei stares back, embarrassingly happy at how fast Rin had responded. Rin scratches the back of his neck. "I don't-- I want to...I want you. I think. I'm, like I said, I never thought about this before!"

_I want you._

Those three words completely empty the rest of his mind, and he stares, dumbfounded, at Rin, who stares back with a look that gets more nervous and defiant by the second.

"...Me?" He squeaks, managing a word.  
  
"Just, I, I thought about it, as much as I could I guess." He turns his head away. "I-- I wanna keep hanging out with you, alone and, I, last night, I liked-- I liked what we were doing." Hastily, he adds, "I liked that it was you."

Rei is not sure he's ever felt whatever is in his chest right now, he's not sure if he's ever heard of a word to describe it either. It's like a tightness that makes him want to cry, but it's not bad. Not at all.

"...Oi, say something!"

"I- I've never-- I'm the same!"

"That's a relief." Rin mumbles. "I mean, I knew and all because of last night, but, now you're not caught up in a moment or anything...Are you?"

"No, of course not! Rather, are you?"

Right, it's possible that Rin is the one who's caught up, after all, he'd just said he'd imagined having a wife and kids, maybe he's just going along for his sake--

"I wouldn't kiss anyone if I didn't...Like them." Rin mutters, and adds, "I got jealous over Nagisa. That's...Even I think I'm pretty obvious when I think about it, honestly."

"You...Really?"

"What of it?!"

"No, I--" Rei's not sure he's going to ever feel something like this again, "I'm...Pleased."

They don't say anything more after that, don't even really touch besides bumping shoulders once or twice, but Rin says later, when it's turned dark, "I'll, uh, text you, I guess."

"P-Please do!"

"...You better text back."

"Of course!"

"...See you later?"

"Yes!"

* * *

"Rei-chan, what is that?"

"What is what, Nagisa-kun?"

"That thing on your neck! It looks like it hurts!"

"What-- AH! That- It's- It's nothing!"

"It doesn't look like nothing! Your reaction is really suspicious, Rei-chan!"

"I- I'm not being suspicious!"

"Lemme see--"

"Nagisa-kun, please!"

"Wow, looks like something with pointy teeth got you!"

"EH?! THAT- THAT'S NOT-"

"Mako-chan, Mako-chan, come look at this!"

"NAGISA-KUN!"

"Hm? What is it? Oh wow, that looks painful! Did a cat bite you?"

"Ah- That- Yes, that's exactly what happened! So please stop bothering me, Nagisa-kun!"

"Hmm, but aren't cats' mouths smaller? This seems kinda big--"

"IT WAS A LARGE CAT!"

* * *

He takes a deep, slow breath, and finally types out,

_To: Rei_   
_Sub: ..._

_I've got exams coming up soon_

_But if you wanna come over and watch me study I wouldn't mind_

And then promptly shoves his phone into his pocket and tries to not count the seconds. Rei tends to be pretty quick, but...It had taken him ten minutes just to figure out what to type, and then how to say it, and if it was okay or not.

_And he's probably gonna over-analyze the whole thing--_

\--His phone vibrates and he checks it deliberately slow, trying to ignore the way his heart jumps.

_New Message!_   
_From: Rei_   
_Sub: ..._

_Ill be there._

_To: Rei_   
_Sub: ..._

_Ha, that was fast. So fast you forgot an apostrophe_

_New Message!_   
_From: Rei_   
_Sub: ..._

_I did not! I just made a typing error!_

"Oi Matsuoka, when did you get time to get a girl?!"

Rin wipes the goofy smile from his face. "What?! I don't have a girl, Hikari! Go back and sit down!"

* * *

"Ah. Rin, Rei?"

"H-H-Haru?!" "Haruka-senpai?!"

"What are you doing?"

"We- Nothing! We were just-- It's cold now, you see, so--" "None of your business, Haru--" "--Don't be RUDE--" "--Shut up!"

"...Is this a date?"

"N-n-n-no! Why would we be on a date! It's simply an outing between two friends--"

"--Because I wouldn't care."

"...Eh?"

"I kind of knew."

"Wait, what?!" "H-How?!"

"So it is one?"

"Haru--!"

"I overheard you guys at Makoto's house once."

"Wha--"

"I just had to watch Rei to get the whole thing."

"I told you that you were obvious!"

"I am not! Haruka-senpai is just very observant!"

"This is HARU we're talking about!"

"Exactly my point! None of you respect Haruka-senpai's eye for detail!"

"So, what is it?"

"Well, uhm..."

"...Yeah, it is."

"R-Rin!"

"...I knew it. Your hands are obvious though. Stand closer."

"H-H-Haruka-senpai?!"

"Well, you did say Haru had an eye for detail..."

"Rin-- This is embarrassing!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with that, All Theory draws to a close!
> 
> (Though tbh, I'm considering writing their 'first time' -- but if I do, it'll probably be a separate bit that just connects to All Theory.)
> 
> Sentimental rambling below:
> 
> Gosh, I didn't really realize this until a few weeks ago, but I've been working on this fic for seven months apparently. This is definitely the longest fic I've ever written, and the first multi-chap I've ever finished -- goes to show how I've matured a little, I guess? It's really a surprise, to be honest, I never intended for this fic to be so long winded, but that's just what happens. There was actually a lot more I wanted to do to drag it out, but, S2 came and threw my game off.
> 
> But I think this is a pretty good way it went nonetheless. I had plenty of fun, and loved the reviews, and it's always a nice feeling to see a community for a small ship -- though, with S2, we've got hope! I'm looking forward to it.
> 
> See you next water time! (Maybe? Probably, ahhaha.)


End file.
